He wants to put his penis in you. The unspoken clause in the quoted sentence above is: "I want us to screw, but . . . " Or maybe, “Even if we didn’t do anything, [which, by the way, I’d like to], it could seem suspicious.”
This is pretty much as plain as day.
This Southern girl appreciated that. “Y’all’s” isn’t used enough.
You’ve said a couple times that your husband’s great, you have a good marriage, etc., but you also say you’re sexually unsatisfied and in the same post talking about how hot your friend is.
I don’t mean this in a snarky way. I just think you might be more unhappy than you’re willing to admit; thus the justifications for what’s going on with this guy.
Except in my part of Virginia, fifty years ago, “y’all” could be singular or plural. We hadn’t yet developed or adopted “all y’all” to emphasize the plural. Those were confusing times.
Now I gotta stop following this thread! You’re drawing me in with your feminine wiles. Witch! :rolleyes:
Well. He just texted me an hour ago. He asked what I was doing and said I must be busy
I just saw it so I texted back that Sundays are always busy and I wasn’t avoiding him to be mean.
I really think he wants to be friends, I’m trying not to pull a 180 and completely ignore him.
This is exactly why I can never keep a guy friend. 
cackle I’ll get you my DZ…
I’m just super horny 23 days outta the month. My hubs couldn’t possibly keep up with my sex drive, most guys couldn’t. I don’t blame him but that doesn’t diminish how much it hurts to not get that physical affection I want when I want it. Selfish sure, but real.
Yes, it does appear to be why. For some reason you can’t help but sexualize every friendship with anybody you find attractive, even if it’s “just” flirting and even if he doesn’t reciprocate or doesn’t even notice (we can be slow on the uptake). Same for me, but if I hauled out all my anecdotes we’d be here all night.
I would give some advice beyond what I have already, but cutting it off cold is the only thing I know how to do. And I don’t know if you are seeking advice here, want a sympathetic ear, or want to do some stealth bragging about how sexy you are. Or all of the above. I do know that he has given you some reassurance that, though you are a stay-at-home mom with kids and a master’s, you still have it, this makes you feel good, and maybe you want more of it. That’s understandable to me, though some people would call you the Queen of Harlots. They, of course, have lived lives of spotless purity and have earned the right to judge others.
So why the avoiding and being mean ideas, the option to completely ignore him? What’s all that about?
If you really just want a friend, just text back and forth nice things to each other here and there - it’s really that simple. Talk about your common interests not about your relationship with your husband.
Omg, I am not sexy. I don’t even know how to stealth brag 
Ok. Will try that.
Your husband and friend would disagree.
Maybe not consciously, but yeah, you do. Nothing wrong with it, within limits. As my mother says, “Nobody’s going to toot your horn for you.”
Try the regular texting, but I don’t think it will work. I think you have already gone too far. But I’m the guy whose only speeds are Go and Stop, so what do I know? :o
Lol DZ. You are a pretty real dude, I respect that
No, I am a creation of the internet. I’m a nice-ish bot who has discovered many ways to fuck up his life. I was raised that confession is good for my soul, and that was reinforced by AA. I live almost entirely inside my head and am boringly self-aware of the several aspects of my personality and their motivations, not all of them good. One of my personalities thinks another is trying to “groom” you, which is why I’m bowing out of this thread.
I hope everything works out for you. You seem like a good kid who’s working through a rough patch of your own making. It’s never fun, but maybe you’ll learn something from it. I know I never did.
Don’t be a stranger!!!
You aren’t going to want to hear this, but I think he finally decided this was a bad idea having so much contact with you. Also, if you have a problem with your husband, talk to your husband about it, not someone else. If you can’t talk to your husband about it, then seek professional help where you both go in.
As for seeking out a guy friend. Honestly, why do you need that? For what purpose? Why use someone like that and flirt with them when you are married? I think it’s time for you to move away from all this and move on. Find another hobby. Something which is productive.
You’re right. The flirting has stopped. We both agreed to stop.
Guy Friend is too much of a catch to be single for long and I don’t want to do anything to hold him back.
We talked last night and agreed that he’d still like me to come visit. We’ve known each other since high school, we aren’t complete strangers and it would be nice to catch up. I’ve never been to Arizona and all my other options for vacation fell through. I asked around to friends and family and they all have plans for that last week in December.
You don’t want a guy for friendship. You want a guy to pay attention to you and make you feel wanted because you’re needy of that kind of attention ‘23 days out of the month’.
Even if your husband had the time, energy and desire to provide you with the attention you seem to want, you’d still be after this kind of validation from other men.
I get the sense your husband is no fool and he knows exactly what you’re playing at. Hard to speculate about his motives because we don’t have his side of the story but it seems to me he’s likely more than a little tired of your shit and basically letting you have enough rope to see how far you’re going to take this if he leaves you to your own devices. Keep this up and another year or two and he won’t even care enough to keep you from going to Tucson, or wherever. He’ll just file for divorce.
You care about this guy you’re texting only to the extent that he’s the only other guy in your life besides your husband and losing his attention would be a real blow to your ego. So go ahead and continue playing this game to its ultimate conclusion. Keep looking for your daily hit of attention in every message he sends you. It’s your heroin. After all, it’s more emotionally rewarding than your current life and you’re not too vested in your marriage anyway.
IMHO.
Putting the moral judgment aside, you have to make a stand and know exactly what you want, how happy you are in your marriage, and what consequences any decision may have. I personally have no loyalty to your husband, and no animosity towards your buddy, and no direct moral stance towards you or what you said here.
Since there are three people in your story (you, the ‘Buddy’ and your husband), with only sufficient information about you and your buddy, let’s take a look at how the matter stands:
Your Buddy: Nice, like-minded, smart, intelligent and a good listener as he is, he didn’t make an equivalent bet on the table. You have clearly damaged your marriage in some way (even if it’s subtle and yet to be revealed or felt), because we’re not devices that can be reset to factory settings, forgetting all our experiences with other people, no matter how far these experiences go. So, I believe there is a currently-indirect impact cooking up that is yet to unravel in some way; either good or bad, depending on how you define good or bad in your situation.
So, this is what you’ve done, because you need attention or whatever other reasons; I don’t care, I’m no psychiatrist. But you have done it, and you have communicated it to him, and now you feel this way. Now, how about him?
Let me tell you from great and long experience that there is no deeper trap a man can dig to a woman than in being a good listener. God knows I’ve ended up involved romantically or sexually with every attractive woman I’ve allocated time to listen to, and have shamelessly taken advantage of that later on. Maybe it’s me who’s an asshole, and maybe there are scores of men out there who are truly willing to listen to a woman’s trouble and help without wanting to get into their pants, but apparently your buddy isn’t one of those either, because he did accept and get involved in the innuendos and the platonic sex of it. I’m not demonizing him, or calling him a bastard, because he’s no robot either and he too is driven by feelings and desires, and it could well have taken place subconsciously. But still, with him being like that, and you being like that, I don’t see how things would end up anywhere outside a dimly-lit bedroom.
Obviously, he doesn’t have as many stakes in this as you. He’s not set to lose anything from this but his contact with you, but you’re the one who could lose a marriage or more. You may think this is an overreading of the situation, but everything in every reply you made indicated you’re a person with a low level of self-control and discipline - and this is no insult.
You need to confront yourself about your marriage. In an earlier post, a Doper asked you about why you felt you’re happy with your husband, and you mentioned how he helps around the house and with the kids, followed by the crazy hot sex 3-4 times a week. Now, I’m no detective here, but I’ve seen the craziness and hotness of the sex given more priority than house chores and helping with the kids. I’m not making judgments on who is or isn’t happy in their marriage, but your initial post held the answers within.
You have to determine how much your buddy means to you, act accordingly, and bear the consequences. In my experience, distancing yourself from this by advice from a Doper or an otherwise concerned person without reaching a full conclusion on exactly what was going on, is only going to lead to a similar situation in the near future with someone who’s not going to think twice before causing irreparable damage to your life.
Blackstock
Wow, that was a “humble” opinion at all
I can see where you are coming from and it would be easy for me to take offense, but instead I’d rather choose to take this feedback and use it to show that I think you’re wrong and to prove it by how things play out.
My hubs does care, is almost blindly devoted to our marriage, and knows me and what I need from him better than any man I’ve ever known. I am not about to screw that up, no matter how horny I am.
Believe that or not. Your choice 