I’m relatively young. It could be that I’ve just reached my “experimental” stage. This wouldn’t be a big problem if I wasn’t in a very serious relationship right now. But the fact is, I’m with the man that I can see myself with for the rest of my life. He’s a few years older than me and has had a lot more time to experiment. We’ve talked hypothetically about what we would do if such a situation arose. Basically, he is willing to do whatever I want to do. Here’s the real problem: I don’t think I would enjoy a threesome because I couldn’t stand to see him pleasuring another girl. I wouldn’t be able to do anything one on one with another girl because I would feel horribly guilty for being with someone else. Even if he knew about it.
So how am I supposed to determine if I truly am bisexual or not? I think I am, but I’d still like to test it. Is it even worth telling him if it won’t amount to anything? He’s had bisexual girlfriends before and told me that he didn’t think an extremely open relationship would benefit us at all. I tend to agree. I’m just really confused right now, and I do not need this piled on top of all my other problems. I guess I’m just asked for advice on the subject. All help will be appreciated. I’m sorry this post is so long, but I desperately needed to get this off my chest.
It sounds to me like you need to weigh your priorities, as in your need to explore sexually versus your desire to maintain your relationship. It doesn’t sound like it would be possible to do both. And you’re smart to avoid the threesome. Such things usually seem like a good idea at the time, but they have a way of eroding relationships.
I’m speaking from the perspective of an 18 year old out lesbian. Your milage may vary.
At this point I would question your motives. Do you really need to have a physical conformation of your attraction? I know lots of people who are gay, straight, bi, what have you, who have never kissed, much less hooked up with, anyone. Still, they are reasonably sure of their orientaion.
I’m afraid that there isn’t a litmus test for sexual orientation. There are a lot of intangibles, like identity. I call myself a lesbian, but I have been attracted to men. Still, I am what I identify as.
My advice would be to stick with the relationship that you have right now and not rush out to kiss a girl to “confirm” what you feel. If you try to force yourself on a girl without some basis of attraction, most likely nothing good will come of it. If, at some point in your life, you find yourself attracted to another woman, let the relationship build as you would any other.
There are a lot of good books on bisexuality. Do a search on amazon if you want to find some. Also, http://www.pflag.org has a lot of information regarding sexual orientation. Good luck.
I know that whatever happens, I will stay with my current boyfriend. He is more important to me than quenching my curiosity.
andygirl:
You have a very good point. Perhaps I should question my own motives in needing confirmation. Honestly, I think I am scared of intolerance. I know it’s a stupid reason. I should be proud of who I am, and it doesn’t matter what other people think, etc. But when you live in a religous part of the Deep South true tolerance is hard to come by. My friends and the people who care love me for who I am, and will stick with me to the end. I’m happy I’m able to say that. But hearing all the viscious things ignorant people say can definitely put a damper on my willingness to just admit to myself that I really am bisexual. I think the fact that i went to a party this weekend where there were only three heterosexual women (if I include myself) has forced me to come to terms with my sexuality. I’m not rushing out to kiss a girl. I am definitely not a rusher. I had to politely turn down a few women, but I don’t think I would have if I didn’t love my boyfriend so much.
[disclaimer: Akash is a heterosexual man…]
From how it’s been explained to me, being bisexual doesn’t mean that you have to be promiscuous, or constantly changing your sexual outlook, or even attracted to men and women at the same time. It simply means that you’re attracted to both genders. Your feelings toward either gender may shift from time to time. So you may find later on that you feel more comfortable with a man, or you may be more interested in a woman, or may still be undecided.
Just take things slowly and get comfortable with who you are. It’s good that you’re not a rusher. 
Take your time and let things happen.
Akash
P.S. If you’re nearby a big university or college, see if they have a bisexuality support group. It may be worth your time to check it out…
Well, in my opinion everyone is bisexual. It’s just a matter of degrees. Degrees of willingness to accept and admit it. And degrees of willingness or practice or act on your feelings. I, have experimented with girls, but I’m still not sure about anything. My friends are all very open sexually between both genders.
A lot of women are attracted to women. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re bi. You don’t owe it to anyone but yourself to find out the truth, and it sounds to me like you already know you want to keep your committed, hetero, relationship.
I went through the same thing many years ago, and never bothered to find out the truth about my attraction to women. It doesn’t bother me at all now, because I’m married to the [gush] most wonderful man on Earth [/gush].
If in doubt, don’t. You’ll only end up making yourself feel guilty. Just consider yourself latent bi, with the option of confirming it if anything happens to your current relationship.
Best of luck.
I think the best thing would be for me to observe you and another woman together. This way, I tell you if it looks like you are in a good situation for you.
I’d also suggest allowing me to videotape this. This way, I could watch it over and over again to make sure I can give you an accurate opinion on this matter.
Just shoot me an e-mail and we can make the arrangements, and… Ouch! OUCH! Stop hiting me, Drainy! i was kidding! Argh…
Yer pal,
Satan
*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Six months, two weeks, one day, 21 hours, 33 minutes and 40 seconds.
7955 cigarettes not smoked, saving $994.49.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 55 minutes.
I slept with a REPUBLICAN moderator!*
You describe yourself as “relatively young,” and that seems to be very relevant. You have many wonderful years ahead of you, and there’s no reason why you have to solve all of life’s mysteries right now. Give yourself enough time and space to find your own answers. Just remember that, even in your confusion, nobody else knows you as well as you do; no matter how many people offer their advice, you have the right to be the person you want to be.
Let’s see… no, wait, screw it.
Let’s start clean okay?
You are a female. Right. You are dating a male. Right. Are you also interested in other females? Without his “encouragement” I mean?
Don’t let anyone “sway” you into something. I don’t give a rat’s ass what HE thinks… what do YOU think? If you never had a leaning before him I wouldn’t give one much credence now.
Don’t go jumping into something that you, yourself, had no desire for until HE came along. Sounds like coercion to me.
I’ve been bi for… well, most of my life. I’m more attracted to men than women but even with that when I’m involved in a relationship I’m monogamous. I don’t share. I’m aware that some do and there is the term, “open relationship” but I find it silly. If you want to continue to screw around with anything that comes by you don’t get “serious” or committed.