If I don’t get out of bed, I won’t screw anything up in my life worse than I have already, and maybe nothing else bad will happen to me. I still have to go to work (at least until I am most likely let go in late September), but evenings and weekends can easily be spent in bed. I’m also going to start selling off parts of my collections on eBay to get rid of clutter and unnecessary connections to stuff and to earn some extra money, which’ll be good once I get fired. I think I’ll wait until September, when everyone goes back to college and gets their scholarship checks, so people in their late teens and 20s have more spending money. Comic books, action figures, CDs, DVDs… everything about me must go! I am out of Lexapro too, so I think I’ll just quit cold turkey rather than spending money on more, since it obviously isn’t doing a damn bit of good anyway. And Bruce Campbell is doing a book signing here in town on Tuesday evening, but I think I will skip that too. It is better to feel detached, to not want things that badly, to not look forward to stuff. Pointless, really, and quit mundane.
BBVL, this isn’t the real you. The sooner you realize this the sooner you can get help.
It’s true that being human is largely (but not entirely) a mundane exercise, but it isn’t necessarily pointless. If the thiings that gave you joy no longer do, it might not be depression or brain chemical issues so much as emotional isolation and/or boredom with your current interests. There’s nothing wrong with letting things go and clearing out the mental and physical clutter. Often it’s the best thing you can do to get a fresh perspective. Get away from the PC and get out of town for a few days. Sometimes a degree of detachment is healthy and can give you perspective for the next step.
You don’t want to stay detached permanently, however, as your clothes being to smell and your toenails get all curly.
Be careful about quitting your meds cold turkey. I just checked the Lexapro website and they say that’s a no-no until you’ve consulted your doctor. Some anti-depression/anxiety medications can be tough to quit using, if not down-right dangerous, especially if you stop suddenly. It’s a bitch finding the right meds and dosages sometimes, but it’s doable and very nice once you do.
Sure, it sounds great; all safe and snug in your little cocoon. Reality is that staying in bed is boring, especially for a smart guy like you. The real reason the butterfly emerges from it’s cocoon is because it’s bored out of it’s freakin’ mind, y’know. Yes, he got premium cable and DSL in the cocoon, he was still bored.
The kicker is that staying in bed doesn’t make the problems or your hopes and desires go away. Might as well deal with them. At least then you’ll have a chance at getting rid of your problems or chopping them down to a maneagable size.
First thing on your to-do list-- go call your doctor for an appointment. I’m just going to worry until you do, so you know you have to now. Go on, ring ring!
Skip a Bruce Campbell book signing!?!?! Get thee to a doctor. I don’t care how comfy you’re bed is. Let’s not lose sight of what is really important here.
Once, I felt like you did: just stay in bed all day, ignore the world, and be at peace. In practice, however, the only thing that changed was how much smaller the world had become.