I think my boyfriend is gay and in denial, what do I do.

So I have been with my boyfriend for about two years now. When we first got together everything was great. After awhile though we began arguing about small things. Mainly because he never paid attention to me. He never checks me out when I’m getting dressed, he never initiates sex with me, never performs oral sex on me, etc. He says he loves me but I have always felt he was just interested in something else. After this long I have finally gotten him to basically admit to being bisexual. I can accept that but if he is gay then this relationship is going nowhere. I really love him a lot but I feel it is unfair to the both of us of he isn’t being completely honest with me. Oh and he has done a lot of prison time. I think this change might have have happened during a 5 year sentence in and 2005. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Check out the Kinsey scale on Wikipedia, and look up asexuality, and go from there.

Well, they do say prison changes a man, so…

You do need to find out if he’s gay or not. If you can’t just ask him and expect to get a truthful answer, you’re going have to think of something else. Maybe start cooking hot dogs and sausages every once in a while and carefully observe how he eats them. :wink:

To be fair, you haven’t said whether you yourself are male or female so that might help us come to definite conclusion.

Apologies for the flippancy. I have nothing really to add other than it must terrible to be unable to freely express your sexuality, whatever that may be.
I hope you can come to an understanding that works for both of you but most of all you’ve got to have a functioning sex life and understood levels of trust and commitment that work for both of you. That may turn out to be something “non-traditional” but as long as it works for you then…good luck.

Can he be gay in his social circles?

Well it doesn’t sound like he’s making you very happy, so unless you can accept the sexual ambiguity and lack of his sexual initiative in your relationship, probably best to end it, right?

I swear a guy tries eating snake style one damn time and he never hears the end of it!

OP, you’re treating the matter as if your boyfriend were really sure of his orientation and just hiding it from you. It’s also possible that he’s just not sure himself.

If the problem is that he won’t perform the kind of sex you’d want him to perform, then it’s unlikely this will change.

By context if the thread title says the boyfriend gay but in denial, and then the OP says that after talking about it he admitted to at least being bi, I would assume OP is a female because if she was male then the boyfriend would already be gay and AT LEAST bi

do you ever ask him?

Yes, but by definition, they are dazednconfused so…

(…somewhere overheard, the sound of a whoosh is heard…) :wink:

Whether he’s straight, bi, or gay, he’s not being attentive to you and the sex is not what you’re looking for. For you, lack of good sex and attentiveness on his part is a deal-breaker.

In case you haven’t made sure that he understands the consequences his decisions will have, point this out to him. If he doesn’t change anything, then there you are. You may be able to extend the relationship for a while as his beard, but you said yourself this is going nowhere, unless something changes.

In the future all diagnosis will be online, for every condition and plaint, since the Wisdom of Crowds means a fast, accurate summation and definite judgement can be guaranteed from any internet forum composed of a few random individuals who have never met any of the parties and have heard one side of the story.

where is the smiley for “fixed gaze with furrowed brow as you decide whether a poster is being serious or not”?


If you have to be asked, it’s not for you.

Have you changed much in the time you’ve been together? If you’ve gained a lot of weight or aren’t putting as much attention into yourself then it might be that he’s just not as attracted to you as he once was.

He’s not on any medications is he? When my ex-husband started taking something for depression his sex drive just…ended. He had no interest in even looking at porn so it wasn’t because I’d somehow become unattractive to him.

It was the best time in our relationship given that I’m asexual. Maybe your boyfriend is asexual and in denial. Just because he doesn’t want to have sex with you doesn’t mean he’s gay.

As said, who cares whether someone calls him bi or gay? The issue is that the relationship doesn’t seem to be working for you. You need to let him know that, and if things don’t get better, go find a relationships that does work for you.