well, technically he is my ex. after we broke up, my girlfriends and i had a gossip-fest to discuss boys and it raised some interesting questions. parts of our relationship that i dismissed as normal now seem… not so normal.
here are the facts that i know:
when living in an all male dorm he LOVED to flash his penis to the other guys living there, especially his roommate. his roommate was always uncomfortable and said so, which made my bf do it more. no other guy in the dorm did this.
in the year+ that we were sexually active, we had sex less than 10 times. believe me, i tried!
we lived over an hour away from each other, so we really only spent the weekends together. after fooling around twice (three times if i was lucky) he was completely spent and didn’t want any sort of physical relationship from there on out. this usually happened well before saturday night.
despite all of this, he was very vocal about his wonderful sex life. i never spoke up because i didn’t want that to reflect poorly on me.
if i were on my period and unable to actively participate in sexual activities, i had no problem making sure he was well taken care of. if, on the other hand, he was not in the mood (more often than i was on my period) he would not reciprocate. he would flat out refuse me!
are these signs? he’s currently 21 years old and turning 22 this month. all the girls i know were shocked!
Maybe he just doesn’t find you very sexually attractive but likes you as a person very much, and being quite immature (i.e. thinking sexual harrassment is a hoot) he confused “I like this person very much and care about her” with “I’m in love.”
Break up with him anyway. He sounds like he’s not very grown up and he’s not willing to meet your sexual needs, so find someone who’s mature and hot for you.
Based on what you’ve written, I’m going to say no. It’s more likely that he’s just not interested. That’s probably a good thing for your sake. Why get caught up in someone like that?
I’m not sure what to make of him waving his crank around. Issues beyond the scope of this thread most likely. Best bet is to move on to Mr Next and forget about this one.
yeah, that’s what i’m doing. he has serious issues he needs to deal with along with being incredibly immature. i didn’t think he was gay, but every now and then his mannerisms would make me wonder. then one of my best friend’s husband (who has known my ex since high school) said he wouldn’t be surprised if he were a latent homosexual.
He sounds a lot like my ex, cgholycow. Ditto on numbers 4 and 5, and replace “penis” in number one with a weird obssession for going around shirtless and tackling other men.
In addition, he would ask very personal questions of my next/current boyfriend, Mudshark, such as how long his penis was, how far he’d gone with me, etc. He’d ask personal questions of his other male friends as well…“would you ever have anal sex?” Things like that.
My ex would often pretend to be gay for a laugh more than was funny, on many occasions. He flat out lied about how satisfying he was sexually, how much he was getting, etc. Lastly, but most importantly, he was completely at the mercy of his dommenering mother. At the age of 18, he was not allowed to call off work without her permission. And never had gotten it.
Did any of this make him, like your ex, gay and not ready to come to terms with it? Not neccessarily. After a LOT of reflection on that past relationship, I’ve only been able to come up with this answer: “there was definitely something wrong with him that he was hiding from everyone, including (and mostly) himself, but it could be anything, homosexuality, immaturity, unresolved issues of sexual abuse…maybe he wasn’t hugged enough as a child, who knows.” It’s a lot harder coming to grips that I’ll never know what the problem was for sure.
The only real advice I can give you is the advice Isabelle already gave: “be thankful he’s your ex.”
i’m very thankful he’s my ex. there is definitely something wrong with him that he’s not willing to admit. several people have suggested counseling to him (he also has a tendency to drink a LOT) and his reply is that he doesn’t believe in it.
he had an infatuation with my butt… it was his favorite way to get off. it wasn’t anal sex, there was no penetration, he just really liked to rub up against it. sorry if that’s too much information.
like your ex, orange, he often made innapporpriate comments towards our friends.
did you try to stay friends with him? why was he asking those questions about your sex life with your new boyfriend?
Well, we sort of stayed friends, at his request. It didn’t matter one way or the other to me. But at the moment, we’re friends in that he’ll IM me on occasion and we’ll talk about mutual friends, and friends in that I attended his graduation this summer with Mudshark. But I don’t talk about anything important with him.
I have no idea why he was asking about my boyfriend and I, but he does still. At first I thought he was jealous, or maybe trying to befriend Mudshark now that I was dating him. A lot of girls I know have done this…make friends with the ex’s new girlfriend when the relationship ends…although, I’ve never seen it with guys.
But looking back on it now, I don’t think that was the most likely thing. I either think he was worried about his own inadequacy…thus the “how big is your penis” question. The ex’s was average, but he was insecure about it, though the size was fine, he just didn’t know what in the hell to do with it. He also asked of me which of them went down on me better once, because he wanted to know if he was acceptable at that, which was almost unbelievable…but coming from him you almost expect it.
But a lot of the questions/statements made to my boyfriend, myself, and some of other friends look like they might have been trying to mask homosexuality (he’d make comments TO MY BOYFRIEND about, such as that he’d fantasized about my mother and I together–there are not enough ew’s in the world to discribe how sick it was hearing about that)…seem like he was trying to inflate just how heterosexual he was.
He also had the weird ass fascination you mentioned. It manifested itself in much the same way, minus the getting off. He also had a big hang-up with wanting to try anal sex, which I was not about to go for. He started drinking, too, and has…these rage issues. Shortly before we broke up, I saw him pick up his fourteen year old sister by the throat because she’d thrown a nerf ball at his head. Sounds like there was something wrong in both of our cases.
I’m not sure if you were asking me or the OP, pizzabrat. If you meant me, here goes, if you didn’t, disregard. My ex had a pretty average penis. About six inches, just under mabye. However, he is very insecure about it’s size, because he blames his having an average penis on his less than cosmic sexual abilities. The truth was that he was just inexperienced, (plus overweight and blatantly not flexible, which didn’t help matters) and that was all. I tried to tell him his problem stemmed from lack of experience in a candid talk after we broke up, but he still chose to blame his penis. Poor penis.
He even indicated his large penis envy to Mudshark. After finding out Mudshark’s statistics, (which are better then the ex’s by an inch and a half or so), he said, “Oh. Wow. I’m actually jealous,” or something to that effect. (He might be able to clarifying the quote if he logs on later).
At any rate, no, my ex definitely wasn’t bragging.
And White Lightening, I agree with you 100%. But speaking for the OP, (particularly if the relationship just ended recently), she’s still probably trying to come to terms. Sometimes it seems like it’s of integral importance to find out why a relationship failed, even if you are glad its over.
[Josie Cotton]
*I’m so afraid I’ll lose you
if I can’t seduce you
Is there something wrong,
Johnny come on strong…
Why are you so weird, boy?
Johnny, are you queer, boy?
When you asked for a date
I thought that you was straight,
but Johnny, are you queer? *
[/Josie]
I suffered similar problems with a female I used to be involved with. It makes you feel very unappreciated.
I need a lady like you cgholycow
Although
I love doggystyle. It is one of a few pleasurable ways to get off for me. Anal isn’t out of the question as long as the lady is down and enjoys. But that definately doesn’t make me gay.
So that isn’t strong grounds.
I do see all the points made and it makes me raise an eyebrow but doesn’t make it written in stone. Has anyone confronted him about this?
In Dragons of Eden Carl Sagan wrote that the males of some species will exhibit their erect penis as a demonstration of dominance. If the ex-b/f increased this behaviour after the roommate said it made him uncomfortable, it sounds like a dominance thing.
On the other hand, I don’t know many gay guys – and the ones I do know, I certainly don’t know well enough to ask about such things. So maybe he’s gay. But there might be something to the dominance thing too. (Which wouldn’t negate homosexuality, in any case.)
