I want the truth about penis enlargements!

First, I’ll get the obligatory ‘You can’t handle the truth!’ response out the way NOW, sparing the gentle reader further Nicholsonesque variations and preserving the integrity of the Reiner/Sorkin film.

Concerning penile enlargements (referred to hereafter as PE): I’ve seen the odd ad or two on the obscure webpage and / or (ahem) men’s pictorial periodical often enough to wonder, idly, about reliable methods for, uh, enhancement. I’ve heard of surgery ($$$), tantric exercises (sounds too much like work), massage techniques (Right. Like I wouldn’t have figured that out myself by 11th grade), and more.

What’s the Straight Dope about PE?

Do penis enlargement devices actually work?
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_056.html

You don’t want to know. Really. You don’t. It’s a subject that has torn the boards apart.

Oh dear. I just hope JDT doesn’t find this thread.

Surgery works, about 10,000 per year are done in S. Calif. They take fat & put it in the penis. Askia, I can find a doctor for you if you’re ready.

Caldazar posted a link to the original Straight Dope column, but Cecil Adams updated his answer.

The more recent column:
Is it possible to straighten and lengthen the penis? (20-Oct-2000)