I want to pit people who believe in the sanctity of marriage.

[Little_Plastic_Ninja]

I pit all the cute gamer girls for snagging up the cute gamer guys JUST because they knew them before me.

I pit all the cute gamer guys for marrying the cute gamer girls before they met me.

I pit all the socially awkward gamer guys for not being (I typed boing originally, freudian typo?) socially adept or regularly scrubbed.

Say, this is fun…

How about this: I pit the cute guy I clicked with instantly, his beautiful and charming and awesometastic wife, and their delightfully fabulous child for being a happy married family where I am a reasonably happy but regardless single person.

[rayh]

How you doing?

[OneCentStamp]

@Thudlow Boink

Well, I want to Pit all the other men in the world, who are keeping me from scoring with all the hot chicks who tell me “Only if you were the last man on earth…”

Hey, it could be worse. With me, the girls replace only with even.

[AndyPolley]

@diggleblop

And not being able to bang a woman who obviously wants to bang you, but won’t because she’s married. She says that "my God is watching me and there’s no way I’m going to ruin my entrance into heaven for a little guilty pleasure.

When you can promise entrance into heaven, maybe you’ll do better. Until then, sucks to be you.

And I mean that. It sucks to be you.

[sturmhauke]

@Mangetout

How can he be fourteen, with such a massive dong?

Well, when I was fourteen I had a massive dong, but then it didn’t continue to grow with the rest of me, leaving me with a small dong. Now I take out my rage on women who pretend to be lesbians when they reject me.

[sinjin]

Maybe if you offered her a lot of guilty pleasure?

[saoirse]

@cckerberos

Wait… as far as God is concerned isn’t she already guilty of adultery just for wanting to?

Well, just so you know, you sin when you make the decision to do so, not when you want to sin. If you believe in a God who judges your actions, you would likely also believe that God doesn’t penalize competence.

[Merijeek]

@A Monkey With a Gun

Well, I pit women who obviously want to bang you but use that old “I’m a lesbian” excuse. I met this rich chick named Ellen D-something from somewhere in California. I think she’s in the entertainment industry. She obviously wanted to take a ride on my huge wang, but no :rolleyes: she says she’s a lesbian. Right, like I buy that.

I approve of lesbians. It’s nice to see that there are attractive women out there who can’t find a boyfriend.

-Joe

[armedmonkey]

I pit disabled chicks, and not being able to bang a woman who obviously wants to bang you. This chick wanted it. I mean, she wanted it badly. I could tell.

“I’m a quadriplegic!”, she said. But she wants me, I can tell by her body language.

[armedmonkey]

That’s bad, and I apologize.

But admit it, you laughed.

[Inigo_Montoya]

@saoirse

Well, just so you know, you sin when you make the decision to do so, not when you want to sin. If you believe in a God who judges your actions, you would likely also believe that God doesn’t penalize competence.

Are you absolved retroactively if you decide at the last minute not to go through with the sin? Like say I want to murder my wife. I get a gun, load it, aim it at her head while she’s asleep and then, just before I do her in I think, “Nah, I can make her so much more miserable if I keep her alive.” Have I just un-sinned?
Kinda serious, actually.

[Thudlow_Boink]

@Inigo Montoya

Are you absolved retroactively if you decide at the last minute not to go through with the sin? Like say I want to murder my wife. I get a gun, load it, aim it at her head while she’s asleep and then, just before I do her in I think, “Nah, I can make her so much more miserable if I keep her alive.”

Was it the angel on one shoulder or the devil on the other that told you not to shoot her?

[susan]

Well, I pit women who obviously want to bang you but use that old “I’m a lesbian” excuse.

Yeah? Well, I pit women who obviously want to bang you but use that old “I’m straight” excuse.

[woodstockbirdybird]

I swear to God, diggleblop (if that is indeed your real name), every time I see your name in a thread, I know I’m in for some über-stupidity. And yet again, you don’t disappoint. Congratulations! You’re currently the biggest retard on the boards.

Wait - Clothahump is gone, right?

[Scissorjack]

@marshmallow

The plan of action is clear: slip some Dawkins…

So that’s what the kids are calling it these days: “I wanted to slip her a Dawkins, but she said she was married.”

[saoirse]

@Inigo Montoya

Are you absolved retroactively if you decide at the last minute not to go through with the sin? Like say I want to murder my wife. I get a gun, load it, aim it at her head while she’s asleep and then, just before I do her in I think, “Nah, I can make her so much more miserable if I keep her alive.” Have I just un-sinned?
Kinda serious, actually.

And more importantly, if you’re eating a ham sandwich on a cruise ship during lent, and the ship crosses the international date line…

[BrainGlutton]

@diggleblop

And not being able to bang a woman who obviously wants to bang you, but won’t because she’s married. She says that “my God is watching me and there’s no way I’m going to ruin my entrance into heaven for a little guilty pleasure.”

I’m not Jewish, but I have heard it said that according to Judaism, if you do the right thing for the sake of getting into Heaven, you have completely missed the point; you should do the right thing just for the sake of doing the right thing.

An attitude all Christians (and Muslims) should study much more closely, whether they are being tempted into adultery or not.

[John_DiFool]

@diggleblop

And not being able to bang a woman who obviously wants to bang you, but won’t because she’s married. She says that “my God is watching me and there’s no way I’m going to ruin my entrance into heaven for a little guilty pleasure.”

The real problem is her stated reason, which frankly is lame as hell. If she had said, “I do not wish to devastate the feelings of the man I love and thus wreck my marriage” wouldn’t that be a heck of a lot more honorable than hiding behind God? So if God wasn’t there to punish her she’d drop her knickers in a heartbeat-that’s comforting.

[Miller]

@John DiFool

The real problem is her stated reason, which frankly is lame as hell. If she had said, “I do not wish to devastate the feelings of the man I love and thus wreck my marriage” wouldn’t that be a heck of a lot more honorable than hiding behind God? So if God wasn’t there to punish her she’d drop her knickers in a heartbeat-that’s comforting.

I have noticed that the lamer the come-on, the lamer the excuse for the subsequent shoot-down. And considering the OP, I imagine that the come-on must have been extremely lame indeed.

[pepperlandgirl]

@ArizonaTeach

God seems to be somewhat of a selfish lover, then.

For behold, I come quickly, saith the Lord.