As someone who leads hikes this is one of the first things that turns off women to the group. They’re not there to be picked up, they’re there to hike. If something happens naturally between people on a hike, that’s fine. Getting email addresses or facebook IDs is generally frowned upon.
I have no problem with how the group leader handled the situation.
Your behavior illustrates your definition quite accurately.
Sorry to hear this happened to you. I think we’ve all been in situations where other people misunderstood our intentions. It is kind of crappy it turned out this way.
I think that people who set up meetups for non-romantic purposes probably are kind of touchy about this kind of thing since they probably deal a lot with people who are only using the group as a pretense to pick up dates.
Another aspect is, who knows what the story between these group members is anyway - for all we know, maybe the organizer is interested in that woman himself and that’s why he doesn’t want you moving in on her. 
If I were you, I’d apologize to him for the misunderstanding and then just let it go.
It just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe next week a nice woman will join one of the other groups you’re in!
My very best thoughts go out to you at this most vital, critical time in your life!!!
Honestly, probably. Basic damage control. Apologize, say you realize in retrospect how off-putting you sounded, and that you’re sometimes argumentative. Don’t try to get back in the group, obviously, but it might save hassle down the line if your social circles intersect.
I wouldn’t have done what you did, but try not to beat yourself up about it.
I do want to say this: In virtually every group like this, there are people who just join up to hike or whatever, and people who are there to meet somebody. Probably this woman was not there to meet somebody, and you should have found out for yourself rather than ask the facilitator. But don’t get the idea that you’re some kind of creep for treating the group as an opportunity to meet somebody, because half of the other people there could very well be doing the same thing.
I really don’t think you were being creepy but an extreme putz. You’d be meeting her anyway. The internet is RIFE with creeps, present company excluded. People should just assume that everybody intends to stalk/rape everybody else.
That’s basically how I feel about it. It’s like seeing a girl you like at the library. If you like her, go talk to her. If you ask the librarian for her phone number, you’ll be met with strange looks.
Right. It’s creepy to me because it doesn’t give the woman much of a say in anything. You need to let her meet you and decide whether she wants to give her email to you. By going to a third party, it’s as if her opinion isn’t important. Not to mention, it’s a bit weird that you’ve decided you want to meet her just based on a few pictures. That’s a pretty good indication that you’re more interested in someone’s appearance than their personality, which isn’t an attractive quality.
I’m not sure I agree. I was encouraged to join a local Meetup group by a friend who happened to share one of my hobbies. I joined and when I attended my first meeting there I was approached by numerous women who, while they were not hideous, they really weren’t attractive enough to be on my radar screen as far as shtupping is concerned. I suspect that if they’d known more about me other than just my appearance, it would have been clear to them they I was out of their league and they would not have attempted to chat me up.
My guess is that probably 70-80% of the people who attend these events are basically looking for a partner/hookup while perhaps 20-30% are actually there for the stated theme of the group.
Actually, I wouldn’t bother to contact him again – just let it go.
What you did is creepy. The group leader said was absolutely right.
Hahahahaha. I bet you don’t even see what you just did. I hope every single one of those ladies was a brilliant millionaire philanthropist who gives great blow jobs. Something tells me you are the kind of guy who mistakes a polite introduction for a come-on.
While this might be true, people still should not take this assumption for granted. If someone joined one of these groups because of the actual stated purpose of the group, their enjoyment should not be hindered by the people who want to use the group for their doublespeak dating game.
I agree. While an apology after the first response from the organiser would have been a wise decision, that bridge has already been burnt: claiming now that he understands what he did wrong, only after he explicitly got kicked out for not understanding what he did wrong, is going to sound more like an attempt to weasel his way back into the group than an actual apology.
:eek:
Arrogant much?
Now, now. You’re not in his LEAGUE enough to laugh at him.
Then you should have gone on a few hikes.
Look, maybe your intentions were honorable. But pretty girls get harassed and stalked all the time, and furthermore, if a pretty girl in this group starts gettiung harassed because her picture is on the Meetup group’s website, it’s going to wreck the group. She will very rightly want her picture taken down at the least and will start wondering if she wants her name attached to the group - especially if the organizer had been dumb enough to give you her name.
When it comes to stuff like this, what you intended is not so much as important as what they think you COULD have intended. Even if you are God’s gift to women, which I doubt, from the organizer’s perspective you are Potential Stalker #154.
Do you have a sister named Jess? 
Sorry OP - you were totally creepy.
Had you actually gone hiking and met ALL of the group members including Hottie-Biscotti and then inquired it would have been cool, but to start pumping the organizer for her info before you’ve met anyone in the group in person is creepy in the extreme.
I’m in a Knitting Meetup group. I go to knit. If I found out that some dude had seen my pic on the website and wanting my contact info I would be totally freaked out.
Yes, totally this.
When I was young and pretty, I learned very quickly to never permit my name and phone number to be published in a group directory (this was back in pre-internet days when we had to use landlines to talk to each other) . My first year of college I joined several clubs, and in very one, some weird guy whose name I would just barely recongnize would find my number and start calling me.
You may not be as weird as those guys, but trust me, you’ve freaked out some poor woman who is now going to reject every new guy who talks to her for the next near because she’s going to think you’ve found her through some other means.
Am I the only one who thinks that, while the OP was WAAYYY out of line, the group organizer also acted less than professionally? His first email said:
[QUOTE=Group Organizer]
That’s not the purpose of this group, nor is there any cause for me to invade her privacy by giving her name to a complete stranger. You find a picture of someone with whom you have no connection, and so you decide to pursue extraneous means, without her permission, in the hopes of getting her contact info. Quite simply, that’s the definition of stalking. Not going to happen…If I had met you on a dozen hikes and knew you quite well, it might be different. But to join a group and, within a day, contact the organizer and ask for an invasion of internet privacy is a very odd thing. Don’t do it again.
[/QUOTE]
Wouldn’t something like this have been a tad more mature:
[QUOTE=The Mature, Imaginary Group Organizer]
Thanks for your interest, but it would be inappropriate for me to invade her privacy by giving her name to a complete stranger. Hopefully, you will get to know people by meeting them during hikes. For our group, this kind of approach is much more suitable than seeing a picture of someone with whom you have no connection, and attempting to get her contact information without her permission. While it might be different if you were a known member of the group, your request puts me in an uncomfortable position and so I ask you to please not do this again.
[/QUOTE]
I also think that “look, pal” was a bit over the top, and it was pointless to engage in name-calling and arguing over whether the Tom Cruise anecdote was creepy. Yes, it WAS creepy, but a mature adult won’t waste any time getting sucked into an argument about it. A frosty “thank you for your interest, but I can see that this group will not work out for you. I hope you find an alternative activity you enjoy” would be just fine. Then, silence.