This week at my Yoga studio, I had the misfortune of being taken advantage of by a new teacher. The first transgression was that the teacher came over to give me an ‘adjustment’ (a somewhat common thing in yoga) but then make direct contact with my genital region. I’ve taken hundreds of classes and never had this happen before (because teachers are just careful to avoid this mistake) but I still chalked it up to an accident and moved on.
I then noticed a few students stayed after class to get help with advanced poses (handstands and fore-arm stand) so I stuck around practicing those for a bit too. When the other students had left, the teacher helped me for a few minutes with those poses but then suggested that there are various other stretches and poses I can do to help with those things, and he proceeded to instruct me into random poses i didn’t particularly ask for help on that mostly involved a lot of contact with his body. This started to seem a little weird but it still wasn’t 100% blatant why he was asking me to do the particular poses he was. At the end, I said I’d see him in two days for his next class, and he said he hoped so because he was disappointed I had skipped the last one (I barely know him and had only been to one or two of his classes before).
Next class the regular part went fine, at the end I did extra poses alone for a couple minutes then proceeded to pickup my stuff and walked towards the door. The teacher noticed this and said “don’t you want to stay behind to receive extra help?”. I didn’t particularly but felt a bit pressured by this “kind” gesture so I stayed. After the other students had left, the teacher once again provided a minute or two of help with the poses I’m working on (handstand and forearm stand) but then started asking me to do more random poses he felt would “help me” (ranging from putting my legs on his shoulders to letting him pull my arms from behind etc. After a few minutes, the cleaners came in to wash the yoga mats. The teacher and I were off in the corner so we could have easily stayed there but instead the teacher said “oh the cleaners are here let’s continue the lesson in the small private yoga room next door”.
I stupidly followed his suggestion as I’m in the habit of listening to and trusting my yoga teachers and on the surface it felt like a free private yoga lesson but then it started to become more clear this was a predator using his position to find ways to touch me by instructing me into compromising poses and pretending it was necessary to have a lot of contact with me. All this became painfully obvious when I noticed he had a full-on erection plainly visible through his shorts. Shortly thereafter he let out a bizarre (slightly muted but still clear) sexual sounding moan. Finally he ask me to do a pose by lying on my chest and then he random gave me a 4 minute back/neck massage that I in no way asked for or even gave permission for. Long back massages have absolutely positively nothing to do with yoga!!!
So that’s my story in a nutshell. This clearly was sexual abuse. But aside from the one brief (and impossible to prove intent despite a video camera being in the room) point of genital contact, does it sound like there was any obvious illegal activity here or was this just immoral, unprofessional and predatory?
The best thing to do is walk and don’t look back, “immoral, unprofessional and predatory” absolutely but unlikely to be illegal.
There was a pedophile yoga teacher in my sect, he was initially convicted of sexual assault then won an appeal on the grounds that the high ethical standards that apply to a doctor, priest or teacher do not apply to some random teacher of eastern philosophy.
I wouldn’t know the laws (particularly given as they are probably state-specific), but if nothing else, I would recommend contacting the head of the studio and leaving a report.
Thanks. I have already begun the process of contacting the studio (gave oral statement to managers, will be providing detailed written statement to managers + executives on Monday).
The teacher clearly acted illegally, and not just immorally and unprofessionally although he clearly was. The problem you have is that you do not have any evidence (unless there was a video camera).
My advice is to stay away from him and certainly do not have any private time with him. You sound way too trusting a person, which can be a beautiful thing but can also be taken advantage of. Like that creep of a teacher. Definitely file complaints with both the school and with the police. Don’t pursue it any farther because you don’t have the evidence to pursue him. But this creep will likely try this on another and your complaints will be part of a paper trail against him.
Good luck. Stay away from him in solo, private scenarios. You’re fortunate he did not overpower you and do worse things to you. Count yourself fortunate.
If I were you, I’d approach the owners of the studio first to let them know your experience. It helps if you have a history of credibility with them (like having taken other teachers’ classes without issue), but even if not, it’s at least worth a try.
Then name and shame the instructor by name and explicitly mention the creepiness and sexual assault on every review site for the studio you can find: Yelp, Google, etc. The studio will be forced to either defend him publicly or fire him or risk a PR nightmare.
You might also inspire other students to come forth with similar stories. You are unlikely to be the only one he’s assaulting or attempting to do this to.
Going the legal route without good evidence might just drag on into a long ordeal for you. If you do the above and are contacted by other students who have experienced similar things, then your credibility as a group might go up.
And hey, check to see if he’s on the sex offender registry.
Also, as an aside and not to say this is your fault, but if anything remotely like that happens again, nip it in the bud the first moment you get. Don’t let someone give you a 4-minute massage that you didn’t want. “No, thank you. I’ve got to be going now” if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. “No thanks, I’m not comfortable with that” if you want to directly deny him. “No, get the fuck away from me, you creep!” if the situation demands it.
Los Angeles declined to prosecute him after only one or two reports because they didn’t have enough to go on. Once enough people made similar reports, the prosecution really picked up and now there’s a warrant out for his arrest and there’s a manhunt after him.
Hopefully your assaulter doesn’t have the power and resources that Choudhury had, but still, it helps to have allies on your side.
You’ve already reported it to the studio, and you won’t be going back to that guy, so I’d say you’ve done enough.
Reporting it to the police is unlikely to produce any results other than lots of hassles and paperwork for you. It was very wrong and unprofessional of him, but it’s not like it was a major sexual assault. The most you could hope for would be that he would get a short probation, and even that’s unlikely. He’s not going to go to prison, nor should he. It’s not worth going through the whole extended legal process for that.
More significantly, he may be fired by the studio, so hopefully he will learn a lesson from losing his job.
You were a little naive about a guy making a sexual pass at you. Don’t be naive about the legal system as well.
Reporting it to the police documents the complaint against the creep. If the creep keeps doing this to others, and if they too report to police, the paper trail will be established and if the creep commits a crime, the complaints may eventually be helpful.
Next time, trust your gut. There’s a very good book called The Gift of Fear. You subconscious knew something was wrong but you didn’t want to appear rude. This guy is a predator and needs to be stopped.
I take a lot of yoga and “hands-on adjustments” are actually a little bit controversial. Some yoga studios don’t do them as a matter of policy.
There are two yoga studios wher I practice regularly. One doesn’t do hands-on adjustments, the teachers work on an elevated stage for better visibility and don’t interact with the students during class.
The other studio is very big on hands-on adjustments. Even though, they recognize that some students don’t like it and they recognize that people might not speak up. So, before every class, the teacher will say something like " I may walk around the room and make hands on adjustments- if you are not comfortable with this place your hand on your stomach now". And if they have teaching assistants in the class you will be given separate choices for “adjusted by a man” and “adjusted by a woman”.
I not like being touched when I practice yoga and I always opt out.
But the studio should fire that teacher immediately. Without question. There is a lot that is NOT normal about the situation you described. Well, the last part is obviously not normal but neither is the extended post-class session. Yes, getting extra help for a few poses after class is typical but yoga studios CHARGE MONEY for private classes. It’s definitely suspicious that he took you into a private room without having a scheduled private session and the studio should know that.
But to my most important point:
In addition to the suggestions made by others, you also need to contact the Yoga Alliance.
The Yoga Alliance certifies studios and teachers and sets standards for yoga teacher training and certification throughout the US.
Studios and teachers are not legally required to be a member of this group but ALL the reputable ones are.
You can check their site and see if they are registered through this group and file a complaint with them against the teacher and the studio.
They actually take this stuff pretty seriously.
The guy may argue - very justifiably - that you didn’t reject his advances at any time, and that he thought you wanted them.
Consider it from his point of view:
[ul]
[li]He ‘inadvertently’ touched your groin, but you said nothing and didn’t seem to mind.[/li][li]You then stayed with him alone after all the other students had left, and didn’t object to his unnecessary ‘help’ which involved lots of physical contact.[/li][li]“I said I’d see him in two days for his next class, and he said he hoped so because he was disappointed I had skipped the last one.” i.e. He indicated very clearly that he was interested in you. You didn’t reject this.[/li][li]Two days later, as you were leaving, he said “Don’t you want to stay behind to receive extra help?” - alone. You accepted immediately.[/li][li]He offered more unnecessary ‘help’ which involved physical contact. You made no objection, said nothing, and didn’t indicate in any way that this was unwelcome.[/li][li]He then invited you alone into the next room, and you accepted.[/li][li]He continued to touch you. You didn’t ask him stop, or tell him that you were at all uncomfortable about this.[/li][li]You noticed he had a ‘full-on erection’, and he gave a ‘sexual moan’, but you still made no move to leave the room. You still chose to stay there alone with him. You said nothing, and didn’t indicate any discomfit at all with the situation.[/li][li]He then (presumably still with his erection) gave you a ‘4 minute back/neck massage’ which had ‘nothing to do with yoga’. 4 minutes is a long time. You allowed him to continue without saying anything, and without indicating in any way that it was unwelcome, or that you had any objection.[/li][li]Then, still saying nothing to him, you suddenly and without warning filed a complaint about being ‘sexually abused’.[/li][/ul]
I assume that you’re at least in your 20s. Can any woman really get to that age and be so utterly and totally clueless? This is far beyond naive.
On reflection, I’m starting to wonder who the predator was here.
I’d certainly like to be in court to listen if you ever get cross-examined about this by any halfway competent lawyer.
I’ve got to disagree strongly here. If this was some man Andrea had met on a dating website, your analysis would be spot on. But it’s not. It’s someone she was paying to perform a professional service. A service that frequently involves the provider touching the student.
It’s like you’re defending a GYN that abused a patient by saying “she took off her pants and spread her legs for him, what did she expect to happen”.
I’m not a big fan of people that expect the world to be a “safe space” for them. But, to me, a yoga studio is a safe space in the same way my therapists office is a safe space.There is an aspect of yoga that encourages emotional vulnerability and demands that the providers are trustworthy in than regard.
And there is an imbalance of power in any teacher-student relationship and someone that is new to yoga may be overly trustful in their teacher and may assume that the “free private class” is normal and that the poses they are being taught are in their best interest. They may agree to the teacher’s suggestions because they feel they are taking professional advice that is being given in their best interest.
So please don’t blame the victim here. At worst, she was under confident and overly trusting but - assuming her story is accurate- not at fault.
And I once had a yoga teacher give me 4 minute+ back massage when I was in a class after a back injury. I was in child’s pose because I couldn’t do the sequence and he came over and gave me a 5 minute back massage. It was awesome and not sexual at all.
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We also have to bear in mind that we haven’'t heard his side of the story yet. Usually you find that there is another side. I don’t like to assume that we’ve heard the whole truth.
There may be a whole lot more to the situation that the OP hasn’t mentioned. It doesn’t make too much sense as it stands.
While I’m not a fan of the whole ‘Person A said something therefore it’s the truth and you’re an awful person if you suggest otherwise’ thing that’s been going around lately and I agree that there’s multiple sides to every story, the story, even as you presented it from “his” point of view still isn’t kosher and it she felt violated warrants being reviewed by a third party.
Had, for example, he asked her out on a date and that happened. It would be different. Had he offered her a private session at his house wink wink, it would at least be questionable. But this was still part of a class, they were still student and teacher in an actual studio.
On top of all that, some how you’re suggesting that she’s the predator, that she came on to him. What do you feel she should be charged with? Giving him a nasty case of blue balls? What do you think he could report her for? “She was totally asking for it” hasn’t even been funny since the 90’s and “well, she didn’t push me off of her?” doesn’t really fly these days.
I’m not sure what advice to give the OP. Reporting him to the studio was probably the right thing to do. Reporting him to the police could go in any direction depending on lots of things. But telling her NOT to do it because SHE’s the predator. That’s just wrong. If that’s the case, he can report her, right?
One suggestion I do have is to pull up his name on whatever court access websites you have (as well as facebook/google etc) and see if you get any hits. As other said, it’s very possible this isn’t his first time.
From day one, women are socially encultured to be nice, don’t make a fuss, don’t draw attention to yourself. Predators count on this. The OP’s reaction doesn’t surprise me at all, particularly if she’s young. I don’t see how her story could be spun to make HER the predator.