Where do I start? I’m a gay man, and have been single for about 6 months. I was feeling a bit randy one night and I’d always heard about a certain website which is good for setting up meetings with other guys. I’d never done anything like this before, but my libido was getting the best of me. So, I placed an ad, and got a few responses. One of the responses was from a guy who said he might be interested, but he was married and had absolutely no experience doing this kind of thing. i was like, “yeah, right”. but, we started chatting. he said that he wanted his first time to be a meaningful thing. he said he was in his early 40’s, had been married for 15 years and had young children and didn’t want to risk losing them, so he wanted to chat and get to know each other before making any decisions. we chatted for a few weeks and i became fascinated with this guy. eventually, i sent him a face picture, he said he trusted me and sent one back. he was definitely very attractive. we literally exchanged hundreds of emails over the next three weeks. he told me that he’d always been curious about it, but was very worried about rejection because of his inexperience. so, we agreed to meet in a public place for a few drinks, and then take it from there. he said that he’d like to meet me, but was pretty sure he couldn’t go thru with it, at least on our first meeting.
when i met him, i was immediately struck by how good looking he was. he was very shy and nervous. i did everything i could to make him feel comfortable. we had a few drinks and talked for about two hours, and then i finally got the courage to ask him back to my place. he nervously said yes, and we headed to my place. we ended up in bed. it was very awkward for both of us at first, but we got into it after a while. all in all, i’d say that the sex was just basic, nothing exciting. but at the same time, it WAS exciting and new and we were both nervous and our hearts were pounding. after it was over, he thanked me for being so patient with him. he also said he would like to possibly do it again, but it was very difficult for him to get away without raising some question. i assumed that our little affair was over, based on that. but, we’re still emailing each other a lot during the day. we talk about everything, he says he’s really glad to have met me and considers me a good friend. our conversations have never been sexually charged that much, mostly we talk about his family, my family, our likes and dislikes, etc. just getting to know each other. he confided in me that although he was glad he finally went thru with it, he felt guilty about cheating on his wife, but he was dealing with it.
i have become so smitten with this guy, but i know that it can’t go anywhere. in fact, i don’t think i would want it to go anywhere. but, i’m obsessed with him for now. i keep my phone by my bed at night, so in case he emails me (and he does), i’ll hear the beep and be able to email him back. i recognize that this is not normal behavior. and i recognize that the only place this will lead to is heartbreak, but right now he’s all i can think about. i think part of me was very flattered that he felt comfortable enough with me to allow his first time to happen.
but part of me feels guilty that i helped him cheat. i really like chatting with him, he’s a very interesting guy, and we still email each other at least 5 or 6 times a day, but other than a couple of times, nothing is ever mentioned about our tryst, and i’ve never pushed the issue of getting together again, in fact i’ve never mentioned it. i’m wondering if he just would like to maintain a male bond or something?
is it possible that a “straight” man can satisfy his curiosity and never want it again? he says that he still looks at my pictures and would like me to send him more. i’m just confused.
