I was thinking about becoming a pimp..

Since I am retired from teaching computers to a half day, I thought I might use the afternoons to pimp. But for the life of me I can’t figure out how to get started. Anyone got any ideas?

You need a big floppy hat. And a furry coat. And lots of gaudy jewelry. And change your name to Huggy aha.

However, you’d best back off, or I will cut you. The SDMB is my turf, beyotch.


Slapping ho’s around all day will tire you out well before you’ve paid off the local crime lord for your corner. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes.

However, I believe the WWE is looking for another pimp character.

I feel that my pimp hand is very strong at this point. I just don’t know yet what the fuck a pimp hand is.

Ino if I ever become a pimp I will take your ass on cause pimps ain’t scared of nobody. I do like your handle change suggestion tho.

A pimp hand is a full house, nines and queens. A pair of Glocks and three ho’s.

And that’s lno and not Ino. I’ll give you a pass on that one, though, ‘cos you’re new to this whole pimpin’ bizniss. Next time, though, I’ll carve my initials into your forehead, so every time you look in the mirror, you’ll see onl.

…maybe I’ll carve it in BACKWARDS, then.

Get yourself a paperclip-pimpstick, a 40, a.45, a stable o’ bitches, a nice corner, and a fat ride. The stable is the hardest part. How do you get a woman to ho for you? Ahhhhh, the classic question pondered by great philosophers for thousands of years. The following advice can be found in the song “The world is filled (with pimps and ho’s)” by The Notorious Biggie Smalls:

Just be careful not to fall in love. From the same song:

I’m not a pimp for this reason. I keep falling in love with beautiful women who sleep with me. Most of them turn out to not be very good housewife material though. I was once mistaken for a pimp by a pimp though. It was getting tense until we cleared up the fact that I’m just a metaphorical pimp.

Da’Lovin’ Dj (aka: Pimpy Longstalking)

Run for congress, you’ll learn everything you need to know in there :slight_smile:

I don’t want to be a crook just a pimp.

Sorry about the nick mix up lnobut if I see you on my territory ( by the way I don’t have that part mapped out yet) then I will feel compelled cut you three ways; Long, deep and continously. You dig?

Check out Phat Pimp Clothing for your pimping attire (I had no idea that there was actually a pimp clothing industry). I especially like the “Pimp Boys” T-shirt. Then head on over to How To Be A Pimp.

I’d argue that you also need to memorize the classic poem “My Bitch Better Have My Money” from I’m Gonna Get You Sucka:

I found links to these sites and more from the 2002 Pimp & Ho Ball page (whatever that is).

The PC term is ‘bitch coordinator’

I’ve toyed with the idea of being a pimp after watching HBO’s Pimps Up, Hos Down (which is very funny, by the way). I decided I value my fashion sense too much, though.

Funny, I just don’t picture an aging gracefully rock star doing such menial lower end of the totem pole kinda work. I picture **Aha ** directing soft porn.

**hit enter too soon **
And, the perk would be that the back ground music could be
*Western Union * for the (ahem) money shot, that way, subliminally, whenever men who have viewed **Aha’s Porn-o-Rama-Whing-Whang-A-Thong ™ ** they will become aroused, and a) want to get some action b) invariably, want to by *Western Union *, thus increasing the royalties for one, and world happiness for others in one…uh…shot.

Yes yes Shirley, forget about the pimp thing. I couldn’t get a handle on that anyway but…

Good idea on the soft porn directing! sounds like something I could really sink my teeth into. However I don’t think there is a money shot in soft porn. Not sure tho people have just told me that :rolleyes: .

However I will need a female star for my flicks… any suggestions? mmmmm…

Good to see you again, aha.
Nice hat.

I saw the ultimate Pimp on King of Hill the other day. Platform shoes, cane, floppy cowboy feathered hat, white three piece seventies style suit, winged collar purple shirt, long nails-the works.

Originally posted by aha

Are there, um, benefits?

I would recommend listening to the excellent Pimp Anthology radio segment at This American Life.


I have a great coat for ya. Scandinavian red fox. FULL LENGTH.

Man. Talk about stylin’.

But that hat has got to go. It just ain’t happenin’. Not with this coat.

[sub]I really DO have the coat! But don’t get anything on it, dammit![/sub]

Hey Aha!

If you can’t afford any girls initially you can run the business by hand for a little while!