I Will Destroy My Boss

The BBQ Pit
1

A bit of background:
For some reason known only to the Board of Curators, we here at University of Missouri information services (Official Motto: We recover your document for your sorry ass) aren’t allowed to submit our timesheets electronically. We clock in and out using the IATS intranet, but we have to print out the timesheets and turn them in to our team leaders by noon every alternate Monday.

Two weeks ago, I printed out my last timesheet, folded it in half, stuck it in my dayplanner and booked it across campus for my boss’s office. I still had several days before the timesheet absolutely HAD to be in, but it was the last time I was going to be in that end of campus until Tuesday, and I wanted to take care of it without making a special trip. I was running late for class, so I just yanked the timesheet out of my dayplanner (unfolded) and threw it in the manilla envelope she has glued to her door for this purpose.

Fast forward to this afternoon. I go to pick up my paycheck from the payroll office. The lady behind the counter says that they don’t have a check for Juniper200, because according to their records, Juniper hasn’t done any work since September 13.

Actually, Juniper did about 60 hours of work in those weeks. I ran back to my boss’s office, where she proceeded to tell me that I hadn’t turned in my timesheet for the previous pay period. I explained that I had. In fact, I’d turned it in early. She went through the drift of paper on her desk, and came out with my timesheet.
“Oh,” she said. “You must have turned it in after the deadline.”
“No,” I said. “I turned it in three days before it was due. See the date on the printout? I printed it in my room and turned it in.”
She saw that the paper is folded, and told me that, since it was folded up, it must have fallen to the bottom of the envelope, so she missed it when she took all of the other sheets out.
“There’s nothing I can do about it,” she said. “I’ll submit it with the next batch of timesheets and you’ll get the money next pay period.”

Now, my rant:

Fuck fuck fuck fuckity FUCK! The hell I’ll get my money in the next pay period! If this were a just universe, you’d haul your skanky self down to payroll and fix this bullshit and I’d have a goddamned paycheck in my hand by Monday! Instead, I have exacly JACK SHIT to show for the fact that I worked more extra shifts than regular shifts at the beginning of the month to help cover your sorry ass since you couldn’t fill out the team schedule correctly!

Now I can either make my car payment on time this month or have groceries for the next two weeks, but I sure as hell can’t have both, because you couldn’t peek into a fucking envelope to make sure that you had picked up all of the motherfucking timesheets!!! What’s the matter? Did your haven’t-seen-their-like-since-1989-dyed-“I scare small children”-red mall bangs get in your eyes? Did your freaky ghetto-length acrylic nails keep you from grasping the sheet of paper? If I had any money–and thanks to you, I don’t, you stupid bitch–I’d bet that YOUR timesheet made it to payroll. I hope you choke on your own false eyelashes, you fat fuck.

She’s never done too much to piss me off before, but I swear to god, I’m so mad right now that I could tear her limb from limb and not even look up from my lunch. There will be hell to pay for this.

2

Or you could give up on the Universe being fair, and demand it of her yourself. It’s your money, you need it, it was her fuckup–simply demand your pay. She’ll be pissed off, but it sounds you’re upset enough that it’s worth pissing her off.

Take what you’re owed. Don’t let her get away with it, or she’ll continue to think there’s nothing wrong with her attitude.

3

Go back to her office and demand that she go down to payroll and make them cut you a check right there! Something like this happened to me once. I had put in 47 hours one week and 42 hours the next week… 89 hours total. They didn’t pay me time and a half for the 9 hours overtime I worked. They tried to tell me that they would make up for it on the next pay period and I said fuck that. It was my money and they owed it to me and I wanted it right then… not in two weeks. I bitched about it enough and they cut me a check and that was that. You should do the same. Ride her ass all week long until she puts that check in your hand. Fuck! I hate people trying to get away with shit like this… not being able to correct their fuckups!

4

I second what everybody else said. Not to mention that in most states, that kind of stunt is illegal. If you don’t get satisfaction, report it to your state wage and hour board.

5

I was informed by my state’s Labor Department that if an employer illegally withholds an amount equal to or greater than 15% of your paycheck, that’s grounds to quit and still be qualified to draw unemployment.

What your boss is doing sounds illegal. Maybe call your state’s equivalent and have them fax a copy of the statutes to your boss.

6

…jeez, I thought I had grounds to be pissed at my boss…sorry Juniper, your boss more than sucks…
she swallows.
Guess it’s time to start cracking skulls, people.

7

One week when I was working as a photocopy/ILL drudge at my school library, I found myself in a similar situation (no paycheque due to clerical error and nothing to buy groceries with). Fortunately, it didn’t seem to be anyone’s fault, so I ingratiated myself to the secretaries (I’m good at that) and they found it for me by the next day. (It had been routed to the reference department by mistake. :confused:

8

Juniper, Take everyone’s advice and raise hell. Besides the fact that it’s only right that they pay you on time, it’s the law, go over the bitches head and talk to someone in the payroll department, and if that doesn’t resolve it call the labor board. They probably won’t step in to help you, but they can quote the particular law and give you a statute number. The people in the office tend to listen better when you have big brother on your side.

You also need to remember that if you let them wait and pay you for four weeks on one check, it’s going to jump you up a bracket or two and the IRS will eat you alive on taxes. Good luck.

9

Y’all are right…I’m going in there first thing Monday to raise hell. I’ll let everyone know how it goes. I’ve calmed down a little from yesterday, but there’s still a chance that I’ll have to wring her neck, if just to get an upper body workout.

10

(italics added)

Could ya use a different method please??? thanks.

sincerely,

wring
by the way, as the “boss” anytime payroll has screwed up, I’ve taken the initiative to correct it, my mistake or some one elses.

it’s a pretty easy thing to do. in larger organizations, probably not as easy as mine, but still not a major thing to issue a company check (vs. a payroll) for the bulk of the approximate (and accountants are VERY good at that) amount of the check, then on the next payroll check the hours woule appear along with an “other deduction” to indicate the amount you’d already been paid.