I will go. I just. don't. want. to.

The BBQ Pit
1

Mr. Rilch and I are going back to Pittsburgh for 2 1/2 to 3 months, depending. We leave either Friday or Saturday. (Every time he calculates this, he comes up with a different departure time. But since he has to check in at a certain time, it’s no more flexible than sometime during that two-day period.) He will be working on a movie, and I will be helping his mom ready her house for sale*.

I do not want to do this.

I will do it.

But I’m not happy about it.

“Can’t you show a little more enthusiasm, Rilch?”

“…I just don’t want to do this.”

“You know what, Rilch? You can stay here. Just don’t be here when I get back.”

What does he want from me? I haven’t been passive-aggressive about this. I’ve been packing, bringing everything I need to approximate my comfort zone. I worked as many hours as I could before today, my last day, and I made inquiries about getting a similar job near MIL’s house. (Talked to my now-ex manager today, and she says that she talked to the people at the other store. I have to apply in person, but she said they think they can wedge me in.) I’ve made arrangements about financial stuff, and health insurance, and my prescription, and so forth. I haven’t been sandbagging, believe me.

But until today, I kept holding out hope that it wouldn’t happen. First he wasn’t sure he’d get the job. Then he did. Then he thought he couldn’t get the camper shell we need to haul all our stuff. Then he got a check he wasn’t expecting, and got the shell installed. Then someone else came on board and he thought he was out. (In which case we still would have gone, just to take care of the house, but left later and come back earlier.) Then his contact assured him he was good to go. Then he thought there was a problem with the union. Now that’s been resolved, and we’re going.

What really undid me, though, was today, my last day. I was presented with one of those gigantic cards, signed by everyone in my department, and some acquaintances in other departments. My god…I didn’t know people thought such good things about me. Then when I said I was only going away for three months, there were several responses along the lines of “Oh good! Then you can come back for the Christmas rush! We’ll need you!” So that’s added a layer of poignancy I wasn’t prepared for.

I don’t want to drive the truck: I’m afraid I’ll wreck us.

I don’t want to lose money by having a gap in my paychecks, and maybe even getting fewer hours or a lower salary or both, than I have here.

I don’t want to find out that I got a reply from an agent I sent a query letter to, and in the lag time it took for me to respond to the letter sent to this address or the call made to this number, they said “Screw her”.

I don’t want to be stuck in Upper St. Clair without a car. I don’t have a car here; it broke down. If I did, I might be waving goodbye to Mr. Rilch, and flying out to meet him two weeks later.

I don’t want to be offline for so long. Mr. Rilch is going to dismantle the computer tomorrow night, he says, and although we will have an internet hookup at MIL’s house (we have to, because we’re going to sell stuff on eBay), but who knows how long that will take?

And, laugh if you must, but I wanted to see the American Idol 3 tour. Yes, I’m still into John Stevens, and I really wanted to see him perform live. All the other Redheads are sharing swoony stories about seeing the concert and meeting him backstage. But the tour has already been in PA, and it won’t come to CA until after we leave. Yeah, I know, but as long as I’m listing everything…

I know that Mr. Rilch is right when he says my job wasn’t getting me anywhere. But leaving for three months isn’t going to help me get a better one. He’s also right when he says I need to wean myself off the net and meet more IRL people. But going to an isolated community where I don’t know anyone isn’t going to help that either. And he’s certainly right when he says I need to do something with my book. But flitting from one address to another and then back certainly isn’t going to help that.

I’ll go. I was never not going to go. But for god’s sake, don’t jump my shit for “sulking”. Don’t give me any more lectures about why this is necessary; I know it is. I’m just not beside myself with joy, that’s all.

*Keep your eyes peeled for a Pit thread on this subject a few weeks from now. Honestly, I love “Marge” to pieces, and she’s infinitely easier to get along with than my own mom. But she is just as much of a pack rat as my mom. It won’t be her that I Pit, but the situation. Because I know she will veto easily half the things Mr. Rilch and I want to discard, and she will be so sweetly stubborn, I’ll just have to vent here.

2

Wow. I don’t like the sound of that. :frowning:

3

Does sound pretty fucked up.

:eek:

4

Well, we talked about it.

First off, he apologized for having said what you guys quoted, without my even having to bring it up.

See, the thing is, if I’d been vehemently opposed to the idea from the very beginning, by now, we could have worked something out. Probably he could have redirected some money to get my car fixed, so I could stay and earn money to fly out halfway through the show and just take care of the house-cleaning. The thing is, though, we’re both convinced that his mom can’t get the house ready by herself. The closing date is what it is, and we’re the only people in any position to assist. Even if he wasn’t going to be on the show, he’d still have to go out there for some length of time. And I wouldn’t want to be apart from him for that long, unless I had a better reason than a retail job. I don’t want to go through what I did in 2000.

He also admitted that he’s having the same qualms about leaving. He’s no more enthusiastic about a cross-country journey in the truck than I am, but again, it’s the only option. We can’t fly because we’ll need our stuff, and even if my car was working, it still wouldn’t hold as much as the truck now does. And he’s anticipating a similar reaction when he leaves his job (weekly TV gig); he’s also gotten very attached to his co-workers.

And something else I forgot to put in the OP: I had been afraid that three months would stretch into “until after Xmas/New Year’s” and on into infinity. No fear. He promised me that under no circumstances would we stay in the Burgh after the closing date. We may take some time to visit other people on our way back, but we will be on our way back.

Main thing is, I got him to agree that if I’m anxious, I’m just fucking anxious, and hiding it won’t help anything. So I feel tons better now.

5

Oh, and I should point out that the OP was not a Pitting of Mr. Rilch. It was much more of a cri de coeur about my reluctance to leave in general. In fact, I had been composing it when he came home, so if you take out the quoted dialogue and the “don’t jump my shit” request, it’s still a healthy rant.

And I would have told you guys earlier that I was leaving, but again, the probability kept shifting, and since I was hoping for it not to happen, I decided not to post any possible false alarms. I don’t like crepe hanging, really: just makes me sad(der).

6

Rilchiam, I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you and Mr. Rilch for the trip - hope everything goes ok for you. I’d send you a hug, but I have a cold, so that would just make things worse since I’m contagious and y’all certainly don’t need to be getting sick, do ya. Glad to hear you two talked things out too. Best of luck on the trip! Hope it all goes great! :slight_smile:

7

Glad you guys got a chance to talk it out. I’m really glad he apologized for his comment.

The best of luck to you guys in your endeavor. My most positive thoughts are flowing your way.

8

Just a question but, why hate Pittsburgh so much?

Also, I live here and if you’re not opposed to meeting for coffee sometime, I’d like that.

9

You better listen to your heart on this one.

10

If you’re feeling down, a few of us 'Burgh area dopers could drop by to cheer you up!

:slight_smile:

Fall is the best season to be in Pittsburgh, anyway.

11

There you go Rilchaim.

You know people in Pittsburgh, people you can hang out with IRL, because there are lots of very friendly Pittsburgh Dopers who like you and would like to meet you. I know I would, and Steelerphan would be cool to meet too, as well as Siege and maybe Guinastasia would like to hang out too!

12

Do I detect a “Welcome to Pittsburgh” Dopefest in the works?

I believe I do!

13

Thanks for the support, guys!

I don’t hate Pittsburgh at all. I’ve made a few posts praising the “O” and the Carnegie museums, and mourning the Oakland Beehive. P’bgh is where I met Mr. Rilch, after all. Hell, if we were going to any other location, I would have refused to go. So it’s not Pittsburgh I object to; it’s St. Clair. Nice house and all, but I don’t like bedroom communities.

And yes, I have had visions of a Burghfest dancing in my head, but I thought it would be tacky to broach the subject myself! I’ll make a last post just before the computer is dismantled, and post again to let you guys know as soon as I have access out there. I would be much cheered to meet fellow Dopers as soon as it can be arranged.

Also something that occurred to me overnight. This isn’t the first time that I’ve posted about a spat between the two of us, and gotten reactions along the lines of “What an SOB” (and sometimes an undercurrent of “Rilch, get a grip”.) But I think what we’re seeing here is typical couple friction. The thing is, though…oh jeez, I know I’m gonna alienate people here…

I’ve seen more than one series of threads play out over the course of weeks or months.

February: “I don’t like what my partner is doing, but I can’t get hir to talk about it.”

May: “I still don’t like what my partner is doing. Not only that, but now there’s a new issue.”

Late August: “Well, things finally came to a head, and we had to talk it out. So we’re still together, but boy, at what a cost.”

Whereas Mr. Rilch and I, both being rather high strung, feel incapable of letting things fester. We’d both rather talk than eat, so when we have a problem, we talk it out. Sure, emotions run high and there’s some yelling, but in ten years, we have never gone to bed angry. Basically, we take a few hours, or even just one hour, to resolve what some other couples allow to build up for months.

And it also didn’t help that it was 106 degrees yesterday, and Mr. Rilch was outside for twelve hours, rigging. He was burnt out when he got home. But much more reasonable after he’d had a shower and I rubbed his feet. (I always rub his feet; that and the nightly head scratch are always our “together time”.)

booka, my heart says a change will turn out to be as good as a rest. I didn’t want to go to camp when I was 13, either, but I ended up loving it. And as I said earlier, I don’t want to be apart from Mr. Rilch for so long.

14

Yes, yes, we should have a “Welcome (back) to Pittsburgh!” Dopefest for Rilch.

There are plenty of places to go, places which have good and unhealthy food, and we could even make a trip by the old Oakland Beehive to pay respects and stop at the ‘O’ for some very unhealthies like the heart attack in a bag.

We should probably pick a weekend day when people are off of work and can spend some time hanging out and relaxing. All suggestions are open, although I am pretty sure that I will be busy moving someone to Pittsburgh on the 18th-19th.

:slight_smile: