Frankly, I don’t care anymore. She wants to run off to southern Missouri and live with her white trash family, fine. She doesn’t realize that she’s breaking my heart, and my sisters’ hearts, and it’s going to kill my dad. I’d have a little better time dealing with this if she’d just be frank and say, “hey, kids, honey, I’m not coming home!” She leaves for a “one week vacation” the day after Christmas. She’s not back yet. In fact, she’s thinking of taking a retail store manager position in fucking Little Rock, Arkansas. Oh, but that’s “temporary.”
Oh yeah, and thanks so much for the lovely phone conversation. I’m sitting here, bawling my eyes out, practically begging you to come home, and you start giggling at a joke your ICQ buddy just told you, and then you ask me to give you a joke to tell him in return. So, here I sit, basically feeling the lowest I’ve ever felt in my life, trying to think of a joke for you, and all I can come up with is, “What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Nacho cheese.” Do you realize how incredibly surreal that was? I can’t believe you just said that to me, as I’m sitting here, sobbing into the phone, “I don’t want you to hate me, Shelly…oooohhh, what’s a good joke?” What the fuck? What is wrong with you? Fuck you, mom. Fuck you.
And yeah, you pretty much have to face it that, even if she does come back, it probably won’t be permanent. She is obviously kinda mentally fucked-up. (Untreated bipolar, perhaps? In my experience they often run off like that.)
Sorry I couldn’t be more positive, but until she get’s treatment she’ll keep moving in the same circles. And keep hurting you.
Why italicize ‘Little Rock, Arkansas’? Are you implying everybody in Arkansas is white trash? I’ve been there, and it’s no different from any other moderately large city.
Oh Mishell, I am so sorry for you. I too had a surreal phone conversation with a relative once who was running off. It was just as disturbing and scary as yours - I know how you feel.
Hang on - for yourself and the rest of your family. And think seriously about writing her off - and out of your life. Do not let her try to manipulate you with veiled hints at “coming back” and so forth. Be strong - she made her decision, now let her take the consequences.
I am so sorry your mom is behaving this way. Please remember that her behavior is about her and (possibly) her mental illness, and is not a reflection of anything about you or your family.
Please find someone you can talk to. You are welcome to keep posting here, but nothing beats an in-person hug when your soul is hurting.
Sorry, I meant no offense. It’s just a rather bizarre choice, it’s a very long distance from my family, which is in northern Iowa, and while her father and siblings live in southern Missouri, we have no family in Little Rock, and she’d be all alone.
The reason, as far as I can tell, is that she’s been dissatisfied with the town my family lives in, she thinks everybody hates her, which is bullshit. She’s just never, in the 23 years she’s lived there, made an effort to meet anyone from town. She’s made plenty of friends in the company she used to work for.
She’s definitely suffering from some sort of mental disorder, but we can’t get her to go in and see a doctor and get some help. She did go once, to get into a smoking cessation program, and she was on Zyban for awhile, and not only did she stop smoking, but we noticed a huge improvement in her mood and general well-being. It didn’t last, though, she quit taking the medication, claiming it wasn’t working. We tried telling her that it was, she seemed so much better, but to no avail.
I just really needed to get all that off my chest. Thanks, everyone, for your kind words.
Wow, and I thought I had abandonment issues with my dad.
I feel for ya, hon. I’m all for living your own life to the fullest and all but that must take a severe nose dive when you have kids; they come first. They really should or do or… you know what I mean.
Your mom SHOULD have a life but it should be a life that includes you and her other children. It really breaks my heart to hear about parents that just dump their kids to “do their own thing” and then treat their kids like “pals”. I don’t have kids because I like doing my own thing but you can bet your bottom dollar that would change in a massive heart beat if I had a child.
What gives with some parents? Is it that they really don’t care? Is it because they want to have a life without worrying about their kids or what? WHY did they have children in the first place if they really didn’t WANT to be a parent?!
And after your last post it seems to me (and I’m an armchair psychologist at best) that she’s looking for a geographical solution to problems that lie within her own heart. It’s very easy to say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (state, country) and yet, very often the problem lies within.
But, never mind. You can’t do anything about your mom’s issues. But you can do something about yours. I’m sure there are some great social outreach programs in your state; I don’t mean to make light or whatever I’m just sad for you but trying to give you some viable options. Join a big sister group or other similar agency that can provide you with a role model worth looking up to. Hopefully, you have a big sister or aunt or other family relative that can help to fill that void your mother left. Hey, if nothing else you can e-mail me. I’m not a mom, nor do I look like one but I have a good head on my shoulders and I’m willing to help.
I remember, the last time Pop and me went to court, finally realising that my father is a bastard who honestly does not love me anymore.
It hurts liks a son of a bitch, for a while, but you live…
I am so, so, so, so, so unspeakably sorry that this has happened to you and i wish there was some way that no one would ever have to go through it… but it still happens, and it has happened to you, and now you will deal with it, and you will move on. You will be happy again, you just may not know it yet.
If you ever need to bitch, i’ve been bitched at more then most, please drop me an e-mail or an ICQ.
Upham
