To my mother and stepfather. . . .

The BBQ Pit
1

Note to all readers: I have been living with my parents for the last 2 months since moving back to Ohio from Oregon. I’m only living there because they said if I wanted to move back, I could. I am paying them rent, as well.

Okay guys, I love you both but you are getting on my nerves!!
To my mother: Mom, the reason we don’t “talk more” is because you are a lousy listener!! I first noticed it when I was about 18; every fucking time I told you what was going on in my life, the FIRST THING out of your mouth would be unsolicited advice or criticism. EVERY FUCKING TIME! On more than one occasion, we have been talking about something of some personal importance to me, and after talking for a minute or two, I would look over to find you asleep! This does NOT create an environment that makes me want to talk to you about anything, especially when coupled with your judgemental attitude and near-complete unwillingness to think logically or analytically about anything.
How many fucking times do I have to tell you I’m not interested in trying any of the stupid quack “herbal” medicines you’ve wasted so much money on? How many times must I see an open envelope with a bounced check you received in the mail sitting on the table, only to hear you complain later how you “never have any money”? Yeah, paying those onstant overdraft fees will drain a person dry real quick! I’ve been home less than three months, and you’ve bounced three checks in that time already!

And you can stop congratulating yourself on how I got through school, because you didn’t have that much to do with it. I’M the one saddled with debt. I’M the one who worked 30 hours week to pay my rent, while also carrying a full course load! Hell, my brother is the one who did what bankrolling there was to do, not you!
Not only that, but when there was an emergency, like my car breaking down, etc., what was YOUR response? To call my stepfather and ask him to fix it! You yourself are virtually useless in a crisis!
When I started dating a woman (who is older than your husband, I might add, which means you DON’T call her a “girl”) after I moved back from Oregon, how did you react? By peppering me with questions about every aspect of her life, person, religious beliefs, job, appearance, personality, ad infinitum. I half expected you to say something like “Chris has a giirrrllllfriend!” at one point. I am so SICK of your patronizing attitude! And you wonder why I’ve never brought any girlfriends home! Oh wait, it’s because you thought I might be gay, isn’t it? At least, that’s what you thought about my brother when he just had a dry spell of a few years. Real supportive, mother. Thanks a heap.
And the reason I don’t sit down to eat dinner with you guys is because we ARE NOT a nuclear family! I mean, what are we, the fucking Waltons? I’m a grown man, and I’ll eat whatever the hell I want, when I want, however I want. Besides, I know damn well what I’ll hear as soon as you’ve made me a few meals: “Well we take care of you and feed you, so you are obligated to do etc. etc.”
About the only thing you do for me is let me stay in your house and eat some of your food. I wash my own clothes, buy much of my own food, take care of my own car, etc., and pay you rent besides. So just fuck off!

To my stepfather: You were MUCH cooler when you actually didn’t talk down to me, way back when we first met. I guess being around Mom has warped your thinking in line with hers, so that now you feel free to treat me as some sort of half-ignorant juvenile, just as she does. Don’t you know me well enough by now to know that I CAN’T FUCKING STAND unsolicited advice?
I didn’t need to hear what you thought of my resume. Why? Because I have a degree in Journalism and I worked as a writer for a living!! What this means, kind sir, is that there is virtually nothing you can tell me about how to write ANYTHING, including a fucking resume, that I haven’t heard before!
I know you work with kids all day. I know you have some paternal feelings for me. I think you are a good guy who treats my mother pretty well. But NONE of the above makes you smarter than me, nor does it make me inclined to tolerate being talked to like one of your high school students!

Well, I feel better. Cheers!

2

Have you tried taking St. John’s Wort? It can help straighten out your mood pretty quickly. I will send you a list of some good places to get some.

Also, when you start a new paragraph, you should indent with a tab. A lot of people forget that when they write on the net but not me. I will be happy to go through the rest of your post and see if I can come up with anything else. With a little hard work, we can probably turn you into a passable writer some day.

3

(weeping)

“We put a roof over your head while you were going through a rough patch…and this is the thanks we get???”

(wiping away tears) “Oh, dear, can you lend me a few bucks. It seems there’s some sort of mix up at the bank…”

4

The hardest thing to do is to move back home after you’ve lived out on your own. While you’ve been out there growing up and experiencing life, to your mother and stepfather you are still the same age as when you left and you are still at that same level of maturity. I’m a mother with a grown son, believe me on this one. My son has lived out on his own now for almost 3 years and I still think of him as being a kid, he’s a grown man. My eyes tell me that and my brain tells me that, but my heart won’t believe it. I try hard not to speak down to him but wow that’s hard to do. He’s my baby. When I read posts like this I’m thinking, bet my son talks the same way about me when I’m not around. Trouble is I probably deserve it. Hang in there, it will get better.

5

Trust me it really dosen’t get better, maybe after a few more years my mother might stop calling me her “baby”… you have no idea how hard it is to be an adult and hear that. My favorite things she does is ask me about 5 times if I need anything food/money/whatever :rolleyes: the other anoying thing is if I go to visit my parents and decide to run up to the 7-11 to get the flavor of soda I like I have to answer about 20 questions before I leave the house. When she gets really anoying I tell her I am going to go get condoms, beer, and/or porn. Thankfully I inherited my sence of humor from my mother, this is her cue that she is being a little too motherly.

However on the bright side I have grown much closer to my father, I now understand why he acts like he does, and we watch a lot more sports together now. :smiley:

6

Well sure. But I’m 26, not 19. You’d think she/they (my mother is worse than my stepdad in this regard) would’ve caught on by now. Besides, I moved out of state when I was 24. If you added up all the time I spent living at home between age 18 and 24, it comes to about 10 months. It’s not as if I’ve just been hanging out at home.

7

:stuck_out_tongue:

I’m not actually going through a “rough patch.” Me moving in here was THEIR idea. I voluntarily left my old job because I hated it so much. But I wouldn’t have done so if I couldn’t have moved here.

8

WHAT?! Your mother is concerned about you, and wants to give you stuff?! That bitch! I don’t know how you can stand it…poor thing.

Ungrateful little shit.

9

Have you ever wanted to try and make it on your own??? I don’t mind the asking it’s the repeated asking, after I have already declined.

10

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I occasionally have to put up with this as well. I think it’s either a form of control or a sign of gross disrespect.
I handled it by finally just losing my cool and screaming. Normal people are less inclined to do something if they know it will initiate a full-scale screaming match. A very crude solution, but effective.

11

I’ve been making it on my own for probably longer than you’ve been alive, and one of the things I’ve learned is that when people care about you and want to help you, it’s a *good thing.

I admit, repeated pestering can get a bit annoying, but keep in mind that there are people out there who have been abandoned by their parents. You are lucky to have a Mom who cares about you that much.

12

I hear you, but think about it from her side, she gave you 18 years of her life raising you, providing what she could for you, and sometimes those habits are hard to break.

Be happy she catches on when you get sarcastic.

13

Hmmm, you think it might be because she loves you? I have no idea why, but it’s always harder for moms to let go of the sons than it is the daughters. And harder for dads to let go of the daughters.
You guys seem to be doing pretty good for yourselves, bite your tongues and give your mom a hug. It won’t hurt.

14

Oh please, not all mothers are saints. We have no idea of the relationship between NPavelka and Mum.

How come everyone knows that not all families are happy ones in the big picture but get down to individuals and call them ungrateful and tell them to hug their mothers assuming that Mum is good, child-adult is bad based on no evidence whatsoever?

While the majority of parents may be good-enough few are exceptional and quite a lot fall short. Why do we romanticise this relationship so much when the papers are full of horrific stories of it going wrong every day?

15

We know that she cares whether or not he has enough food/money/whatever, when there are parents out there who couldn’t give a shit.

We know that she cares about knowing where he is going to be, (admittedly, this is a bit much for an adult, rent-paying child.) when there are parents out there who have no idea if their children are alive or dead.

We know she has (by NPavelka’s own statement) a good sense of humor, when there are parents out there who take any tounge-in-cheek remonstration as a personal attack.

Sounds to me like he’s damn fortunate in his draw in Moms, and is not properly appreciative.

16

At this point, I dozed off.