Here it goes!
[ul]
[li]My contract at work is ending, and my contracting agency is not calling me back much (supposedly I’m a top priority, but I get more callbacks from companies I don’t work for).[/li]
[li]My cat got a credit card offer on friday.[/li]
[li]I don’t know what I’m doing for a job after this friday.[/li]
[li]My current social situation leaves me happy, then scared, and then scared and happy all at once. (bad way to express it, but it’s the best I can do.)[/li]
[li]My father is having his heart checked out (already knows it needs work) in Boston today.[/li]
[li]I’m alone and feel lonely.[/li][/ul]
Solution???
[ul]
[li]Fuck it all, I will go MAD!!! You know, off my rocker, looney, a couple of sandwiches shy of a picnic, two beers short of a six-pack, not running on all eight cylinders, etc. [/li][/ul]
I’m getting out the tinfoil for hatmaking time, reading the directions on my package of toothpicks, disconnecting the cable (because the FBI is watching me through the TV), checking myself for Alien Implants, and I’m planning exotic shopping trips with the cat (his credit limit is higher than mine).
Technically, it is a violation of my contract to go see another pimp between Boston and Baltimore. I have somewhere near 10 pimps working on a new spot for me. Thanks for the encouragement.
By the by, I’ve decided I’m a lemon. Does anyone know a lake that thinks it’s a Gin and Tonic? Good to see you Ian!
Since you’re obviously a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fan (by your username), as long as you’re going mad:
a) stick a rabbit bone in your beard, if you have one (beard, that is)
b) might as well find a good comfy lawn chair and a fluffy towel so you can sit out and wait for a passing spaceship to flag down and hitch a ride on. I often find this a relaxing concept during insane days.
My ex boyfriend from 7 years ago called my sister’s house Sunday and spoke to my husband. Apparently to the ex, I am crazy - he thinks I might want to ‘just talk’(???).
In the next three weeks I must make a Harry Potter robe for my 11 year old, a magic wand from a chopstick, a kilt and a shirt for BunnyPapa, finish my dress, and I don’t sew. I have also volunteered to repair my sister’s pop up camper in that time, too. I’m no mechanic, either.
BunnyPapa and I had a fight last week(unrelated to nutball ex) and in a fit of pique I cut my long hair off and threw it at him.
I threatened to perform voodoo upon a cust.service rep at my health insurance if he didn’t just cut the shit and tell me how to get my Dr. on their policy.
Going completely mad is the obvious choice here. What the heck, isn’t it time to do something just for ourselves?
Ian The T can back me up on this, but I had a goatee, and I was told that it looked like I was talking out of a rat’s ass. At first I was offended (about five seconds), then I laughed a bunch (still do), eventually I lost the beard.
Three Bunny Mama- I just would need a -bone- for my beard. I suspect that your bunny would be rather cross without the bone, to say the least of the removal process.
Well everyone, I’m going to work naked tomorrow, but that’s ok. Only I know that the clothes I’m wearing are invisible, everyone else thinks they can see them! (they don’t have the tinfoil hats to block the mind rays!)
Not allowed to work for any pimp within something like 50 or 100 miles of either any office I’ve worked out of, or client location I’ve worked at. I say Fuck It™. It’s not like non-competition clauses stand up in court anyway, my last pimp at my current company actually encouraged me (in hushed tones) to look around and see what I could find.
And erp Excuse me. I could donate a whole pile of bones from the dozen ultra mega painfully blisteringly hot buffalo wings I just devoured, in the fasion of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. (cut me slack on spelling; I can’t find the book).
As far as I remember, the HHGTG method of going mad doesn’t just involve sticking rabbit bones in your beard. I believe you should consider the following as well:
Start believing you’re a lemon.
Spend at least some time jumping in & out of a lake that believes it’s a gin & tonic.
Aw hell, Wonko - I once had a contract specifying that I couldn’t get a job at 7 different competitors. So I got an expatriate offer which is one of the better things ever to happen to me. Every silver lining has a cloud (or something). But sure, if you feel the need, go mad. You could start publishing tinfoil hat instructions on the web ??
Spiny - he’s done #1, he’s working on #2 - could you give him the directions from last time you were there? Oh hang on, that one is down to a puddle now, some friends had a party (& believed they had hangovers next day…sure cut down the bar tab)
3bm - sounds like you’re there already, but I guess you’ll appreciate the company…(If they’re just for fancy dress, single use - use masking tape/duct tape on the inside of the clothes instead of sewing the seams, no one will ever notice…duct tape would probably work on the tent too - it works on everything1)
