I’ve conducted a fair amount of research, including some field studies, and the thing is this: the vast majority of people who are successful in my field are narcissistic. Truly, bone-deep, bordering-on-sociopathic narcissistic.
I’m not narcissistic. As far as I can tell. I have a healthy amount of respect for the rights, opinions, thoughts and feelings of others. I can generally see both sides of an issue, even if I vehemently disagree with the other side. I have empathy for others – tell me your problem, and I’ll try to help you fix it. I am confident, but I also have doubts. I sometimes express them. Out loud.
So seeing the most successful people in my field – how their conversation revolves around “and then this other time, when I was again brilliant!”, how dismissive they are of others, how it’s their way or the highway – I realize that I don’t ever want to be that way.
So I’m never going to be top in my field. I’m never going to be a success. They won’t erect statues to me, or name buildings after me, or study my work in school. And that’s pretty much okay with me.
IIRC, you’re a lawyer. I’m an almost-lawyer, and when I worked as a law-clerk, my boss’s personality was certainly…um, odd. If he had to appear in court on behalf of one of his clients, he’d always send the one of the other lawyers in his place, because if the judge or magistrate ticked him off about something, he could never just stand there and take it, but had been known to shout back at the judge. :eek: But my boss is nevertheless a very successful guy.
I remember having lunch at the London restaurant of the Bar Council club rooms (at the invitation of a London lawyer who was showing me round the Old Bailey, otherwise you can’t get into the restaurant). All the barristers, in their Saville Row three-peice suits, with their conossieurs’ scotch and their cigars, talking in florid, resonant Shakespearian tones… very impressive and yet oddly amusing. I think you have to have a bit of narcissism in you to be a successful barrister.
That’s awesome – I didn’t see that. Thanks for making me laugh.
Sarah, yes, I’m a lawyer. And I spent far too much time this week with people who are far more impressed with themselves than they should be. Way too many “conversations” with people talking over each other (“in florid, resonant Shakespearian tones” – great!) and not paying attention to anyone else.
A lawyer!? I thought you must be a model. They lead the league for narcissium. My ex-roommate was a Ford model for many years. She and her friends could all have drowned in a puddle, they were so shallow.
