What a sucky winter! Not a flake of snow to be had. Every single day has been warm, sunny, and dry. I want to step in slush! I want to shovel some driveways! I want to slip on some ice and break my ass! I want to cancel plans because of inclement weather!
Fuck fuck fuckity fucking fucksterizer! Where is the snow I so rightfully deserve already? Damn this gorgeous weather.
You so wish you were me. I’ve broken my ass three times in the past week alone.
Dude, where are you?
On a beach in sunny Hawaii. No, wait…
I’m in Boston, murdering that fucking groundhog.
I’m in London. All your snow are belong to us.
I had to take the baby to the doctor for her immunisations this morning, and pushing the stroller through the ice/snow/slush on the sidewalks was like trying to break the Plains with a plough. I’m tuckered out.
Well dayum. Could you spare a little for us? We haven’t any yet this year.
I thought it was a uniquely Boston moment two weeks ago, when I had to get up at 6:30 and shovel the driveway for two hours so I could go to my root canal appointment.
It’s even snowing here. Hasn’t done so and lay on the ground in the best part of a decade.
Ouch.
I had a nice snowy moment a week or two before Christmas. I’d just spent about two hours shovelling my GF’s driveway, and came back in get warm, when a snowplow came by and undid everything I’d just done.
Dude… never shovel BEFORE the plows come by. What are you, new? 
Here in NYC, it’s snowing and not sticking. It’s just cold enough to make the talking heads on NY1 talk about “Wintery Mix.”
Meanwhile, I want some fucking snow. The kind of snow that makes me close my office and send everyone home. The kind of snow that makes people think for a sec about going out to the grocery store for some milk but then go “Nah!” and turn around and go back inside. The kind of snow that makes me nostalgic for hot cocoa.
I want to stay home from work tomorrow, take my quad out and do some donuts on the street in front of my house.
But NOOOOOOO. Our last couple snow events have been half-assed. Snow that turns into rain and then into ice overnight, then back into rain. Laaaaaaame!
Yeah well…
I would have if I was certain that the snow was going to stop anytime soon. But it was getting late in the afternoon, GF’s kids were getting cabin fever, I needed to go home, and the forecast called for continued snow throughout the night. And the snowplow was coming by every half hour.
By the time I dug out the end of the driveway, another 3 inches had fallen.
Dude, isn’t it always sunny with pink clouds in Barack County?
The what was what now? Where does your girlfriend live, Xanadu?
I ain’t seen the grass, my roof or the lake for about 8 weeks now, all snow covered, and with mounds and mounds of it.
Arlington. So yeah, pretty much.
Jeebus, I’m lucky if the plow bothers with my street once. Occasionally you can find my neighbors and I shoveling the street. Like a block party, without the fun. And it’s not like I live in the middle of nowhere, my street connects to R60.
Arlington is not Boston.
This fact has been pointed out to me many many many many many many times.
The last big snowstorm that hit us here, I had to spend about two hours in the car sliding through the slush to take my wife to our appointment, where I learned that our insurance won’t even cover the blood tests her doctor wants to do to figure out how best to treat our fertility issues, meaning that we might not be able to afford to try to get pregnant this year.
Then I had to drive home and shovel.