But you have to concede, the jelly is an inspired touch.
Best fake advise I have ever seen. Thank you for the laugh.
Silver Tyger Girl: **Monty **probably has the correct answer, even if it is far more boring than a Squirt & “Bad Dog” or Yet Another Office Tasering.
Jim
BTW: They have bagels at MPSIMS, Don’t you want a bagel?
I’d just use flypaper. Easier to clean off after.
No, then you’d never get rid of him.
Thumb tacks are best. Or barbed wire.
Regards,
Shodan
… See, Shodan, that’s a good way to get fired. No, just some flypaper on some normal paper on your monitor. Let him bang, get stuck to the paper, have to pull it off.
Failing that, make the power cord on the monitor really lose, and when he bangs, tap it, the monitor goes off, and you can go ‘Oh, god, you broke it! I’ve lost all my work!’
reminds me of the squirrel guy in office space.
… red stapler…
Super Glue is almost invisible, just sayin’.
Oh god. I have a coworker like this.
Mind you, mine isn’t a bad guy. He just thinks it’s hilarious to annoy people. He thinks it’s funny to walk up to a shut office door and slam his hand on it, then pop his head in and ask if he startled you. He thinks “picking on people” is an artform.
He’s been here forever. He’s competent at his job. But damn me, I like when he’s on vacation.
…of each such comment, and make no secret about it. If the fact you’re openly doing so isn’t enough to make him stop, then nothing will, and it will certainly make interesting reading for somebody.
I really like this idea. She could sneakily hit the monitor power button and then shriek, “Oh my god, look what you have done!”
“What? I didn’t hit it that hard. Let me se…”
“NO! Look, you’ve done enough already.”
I really like the thumb tack idea. Too bad you can’t really do that one.
Why can’t you do that one? You put a row of double sided tape on top of your monitor with the tacks on top. As long as you use the tacks in your office, it is a handy way of storing them rather than sticking yourself with having them loose in a drawer. You can’t help it if morons think smacking a monitor is an appropriate use of office equipment. Of course, if a person has blabbed all over the office that this guy’s monitor slapping behavior is annoying then they are just asking for trouble.
I also suggest dipping each tack lightly in curare, not enough to kill him, just enough to shut him up for a while. 
Nah, there’s a way to just barely plug a power cord in on a monitor that pretty much any wiggling of it will make it fall out. Much easier than hitting the power button, and when the guy insists he can fix it and nothing happens, it’s much more satisfying.
I read this as union, not minion.
United Workers Extrajudicial Extermination Association Local #147
You don’t need a minion, you just need to know someone who will get the job done and then fade away from your life.
It may seem gross to you, but take the Caligula approach. Kiss his neck, and then say “This lovely neck will be chopped as soon as I see fit.”
But don’t you need ten men for a minion?
Darn you, Shodan. I thought of it first!
Well, I would have, if I’d been here.
But contact cement would be funnier.
Or run the power cord to it’s own power strip and activate the switch on it with your foot.
Wait, better yet. If he can’t see your monitor before he hits it, then try this. You see him coming, shut down your computer. This way you don’t have to worry about timing, he hits it and you can start yelling. If other people are within ear shot you can make a fuss and keep saying “Ya know, would you just stop hitting my computer, I’m getting really sick of it”
Boo hiss! That is truly a terrible pun.
[sub]I smiled anyway.[/sub]