I'd like to talk to you about my child

First off, let me just say here and now that this is neither Mundane nor pointless, but I’m pretty sure this is where it belongs. If I’m wrong then feel free to move it where ever.

That said I’d like to talk about my child for a moment. Some of you will remember a long while ago I posted that my wife and I were pregnant, asked about names, horror stories stuff like that. I was a scared parent-to-be. In many ways, I still am. I’d like to start with the really good news. On September 28th at 5:15 am Montana Micala was born. Her first name was the one name in the list we went through with the families that everybody liked. The middle name comes from my wifes grandfather who passed away recently. The last name is irrelevant and will not be discussed here for obvious internet reasons. She was born perfectly formed as far as we know. She was more beautiful than anything I have ever seen in my entire life. She still is. We held her as much as we could and in those moments I knew and still know a depth of pride I have never been privy to before. I helped create her. I am part of her. She is part of me. Always will be. I love her so fiercely that it nearly brings me to my knees. She was the first child, grandchild and great grandchild of our families. She is…my daughter.

Now we come to the bad news. And the reason I need to talk to you about her. Montana was stillborn. We don’t know why yet, the heartbeat was strong and steady until moments before her mother gave the last push. Montana never drew in a single breath of air. Never saw me or her mother from outside. Never opened her beautiful blue eyes. And yet, she is my daughter and still I love her. We are determined that should we have children, and we believe that someday we will, they will come to know their sister. We want to be able to talk about our child. She is not a secret to be kept, not a shameful past that we must hide from. She is our daughter, she was perfect and beautiful. And that’s why I needed to talk to you about her. So that you may know that she exists and that I am proud of her. That I love her. That she had my chin and her mothers nose. That those precious few times that we got to hold her tiny, cold body were among the most peaceful of my entire life. I also want you to know that we were shocked and gratified when over 170 people showed up for her funeral. She taught me that I have more friends than I will ever know. And that my closest friends are more dear to me now than ever before. She taught me how to love somebody so tremendously and selflessly that it hurts. She brought my wifes and my families closer than they have ever been. She made my wife and I love each other more perfectly than we ever did. She did all of this without ever drawing a breath. She is an angel. If ever there was one, no matter what your personal description. This is my child. And I love her. Thank you for listening.

Buliwyf

I’m terribly sorry. That post was beautiful. :frowning:

I am so very sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your wife and your precious little angel.

G.

:frowning:

My thoughts are with you, your wife, and Montana.

:frowning:

My best wishes and hopes for you all.

I am so sorry.

Even so, your words and the thoughts behind them are some of the most beautiful I’ve ever encountered.

My best to you and your wife.

I’m so sorry. Sending out a prayer of peace for you and your family. Your post was beautiful.

She is indeed an angel, and you are a wonderful father and mother. God go with you always.

{{{{{Buliwyf and family}}}}}

:frowning:

My thoughts with you, Buliwyf, your family, and with little Montana. A time of great sadness, yet still your sweet child brought hope and peace.

A beautiful, moving post.

{{{{Buliwyf and family}}}}

Beautiful words for a beautiful little angel.

Good thoughts and best wishes to you, your wife, and your little girl, Buliwyf

That was a beautiful post, Buliwyf.

A book I’d like to recommend is A Broken Heart Still Beats. It was compiled by two women who have lost children and is a selection of literature about child loss. It’s available through Hazelden. It helped me tremendously.

Another resource is Compassionate Friends, an organization of parents who have also lost a child.

If you need a sympathetic ear, please feel free to e-mail.

Robin

:frowning:

I don’t know that I have any words that can ease your pain. I can just share with you what I told my son when his aunt miscarried twins some years ago.

“The babies realized this wasn’t the right time for them to be born, so they’re going to go away and try again later.”

She now has two girls, born about 14 months apart. And funny enough, they’re nearly identical in height and weight.

Please understand in my clumsy way I am trying to help. I do not want to add to your pain. My thoughts are with you and your wife and your lovely little angel.

Stillborn…still, born. Congratulations on your beautiful daughter, and I’m very sorry for your loss.

Beautiful post, Buliwyf. You are in my prayers.

I promise to write a more detailed response later. For now I’d just really like to say thanks. MsRobyn, we are in contact with compassionate friends. I will look into the book you recommended though. Thanks so much all of you.

Buliwyf

Buliwyf, that was the most beautiful and touching thing I think I’ve ever read. I am so sorry for your terrible loss.

What an wonderfully loving tribute from her daddy.
{{{{Mom & Dad & Montana Buliwyf}}}}

Builwyf, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. That was a beautiful, touching post, and please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

You, your wife and both of your families have my deepest sympathy. Thank you for sharing your joy and pain, Builwyf.