One of my coworkers is adopting a boy this summer, and he’s extremely excited about it. He and his partner have been trying to adopt for almost ten years now and they’ve had a rough time of it, so the fact that he’s finally going to be a parent has everyone at work really happy for him. So… we want to throw him a party to congratulate and celebrate, and those at work who know him best think that it would be a fun idea to jokingly make the party a “shower”, despite the fact that the kid he’s adopting is 12 or 13 years old.
Do the wise Dopers have any ideas on appropriate and useful gifts for someone about to become a parent to a teenager? Or any good ideas about how to transform a “baby shower” into an “adopting a teenager” shower?
Since they are adopting a teen, I’d also get things for them: iPod, Gameboy, $ (this goes for the dads too). Lavish them all with gifts and congratulations!
Have they been fostering him, or is this the first time they’ll be sharing their home with him? If it’s new, a lot of the standard baby shower gifts, scaled to be appropriate to age, may still work. Clothes for the boy (if he’s been “in the system”, he may not have much, and probably lots of it secondhand and out of date), towels and toiletries (y’know, Axe instead of Johnson & Johnson’s…), bedding, books and toys appropriate to his age. My son was very into Nerf weaponry at this age, but that might just be him. Video games are good at this age; maybe several people could go in together on a game system for him. He could probably use an alarm clock and school supplies, as well.
I think this is an awesome idea, BTW. Might want to make it easier on the kid and “excuse him” to another room if he seems overwhelmed or shy, though.
In addition to WhyNot’s suggestions, contributions to the child’s college fund, gift cards for teen market clothing stores, martial arts lessons, membership to the local science and/or art museum or zoo or several of you contributing to a day at an amusement park. Another good gift might be a special scrapbook or photo album.
BTW, I think this is a great way to welcome a new child to the family, no matter what age.
I’d go with toiletries, but NOT Axe, please. That shit’s nasty. Maybe some new undies, if his size is known, and new socks. It’s really hard to buy clothes for teens, though, other than standard jeans and tshirts. If the kid doesn’t have a game system or iPod, then that would probably go over very, very well. Very few kids of that age wouldn’t want such an item.
I’d second the idea of a contribution to a college fund. Most parents have 18 years to sock some money away for the kid’s education; these new parents are only going to have six years! not much time for compound interest to kick in.
If you want to do it like a baby shower, pick a theme. For a 12-13 year old boy, maybe a sports theme. You could find a nice bakery to do a pretty great sports themed cake, get some sports themed decorations. Balloons, streamers. Go a little overboard with it. That would give it all the feel of a shower, without having to theme the gifts. Play games, to make it nice and kitschy. That’s part of the fun of showers, and you’ll make him feel well and truly initiated into parenthood.
I think you need to decide if the shower is for the parent(s) or the kid or both, because it will really affect how you set it up.
My first instinct is to make it about the kid–celebrating him–but it might actually be weird and awkward for the kid in question to hang out with new Dad’s work friends who are all making a fuss over him. But if it’s all about the kid, you want to give “cool” gifts–it’ll basically be a birthday party.
It might be really neat to make it about the parents, or even just your co-worker, though: to put the focus not on the new person, but on the new phase of life. In which case, the event doesn’t need to be kid-friendly (i.e., can be at a bar) and the gifts would be more like things like books on parenting teens, and basic staples that a parent provides for their kids, and things parents would do with their kids (i.e., gift certificate to paintball, or 2+ player games) Also things like a bottle of whiskey (appropriate for a new dad). This is more in line with a traditional shower: after all, when you give a fancy dress at a shower, it’s a gift to the mom, who wants to see her little girl in it, not to the little girl, who cares not at all.
I think if you try to make it about the kid and the parents, it will not work. Kids have short attention spans, and in a situation like that the kid is likely to either feel like the center of attention or like the unwanted 3rd wheel. It also won’t be clear who the gifts are for: ownership matters at 13, and whether the xbox is HIS or the family’s will be unclear.
Either way, people need to know which it is, and if it’s more for the parents, you need to have it before the boy gets here, or during work hours or something, so that it’s not weird that he’s not there.
The event will probably happen at work and will be more about my coworker and his new job as “Dad” than about the new kid. It’s just easier logistically. I think the general sentiment amongst my coworkers is that we want it to be about fatherhood and this new family. So, kid-centric gifts aren’t quite what we’re going for, especially because this couple is not hurting for money and will likely be getting this kid anything he could dream of!
I love the idea of parent-kid activities like paintball and stuff - chances for them to bond as a family. Books on parenting is also a great idea, does anyone have any they’d recommend?
Just came in to mention laser tag! When my son was an adolescent, there weren’t so many things we could do together that we both enjoyed the heck out of. But laser tag rocks!
Also, he may need a crash course in teenager culture. You know, so he knows what the kid is talking about. In my case, it involved skateboards and screamo. Heh.
