In the past, after he missed a couple of practices w/ no contact before or after, I e-mailed him saying essentially, “Is everything all right?” He responded w/ the comments about missed meds and depression.
Someone COULD pick him up, but he has never suggested anything to indicate that was needed or welcome. Of the 5 of us, he lived the closest (walking distance) to yesterday’s gig.
Never seen any signs of substance abuse, but who knows what goes on in other aspects of someone’s life? He is younger than the rest of us - around 40, married, 2 kids in grade school, and his family’s primary breadwinner - something with computers. On some occasions, he has cancelled at the last minute, citing work or childcare issues. I can understand that sort of thing better than complete silence.
Basically, I know him in ways related to playing music. First met him at jams. When one band member moved away, I met him at an event and asked if he would be interested. He was VERY enthusiastic. Saying “positive interest”, I hoped that a low-key opportunity to participate in a hobby would potentially be a good thing for someone with emotional difficulties.
Our group is probably at least as much about enjoying each other’s company and spending time making music, as it is about any pressure related to performing. Yesterday’s “gig” was very low key - volunteer at a retirement home. But we DO rehearse arrangements and prepare a set list. We practice weekly, and want to improve over time. We all met Thurs eve for practice and discussed the Sat gig. On Fri, I e-mailed copies of the setlist. Then Sat p.m., he simply didn’t show. It wasn’t a big deal to substitute songs for the ones he would have led/sung, but the music overall suffered somewhat. Still no word from him.
And yes, the band has discussed this as a group. We all like him and like playing w/ him, but don’t know what is needed or welcome. In large part, tho, we are at a point in our lives where we don’t welcome this sort of uncertainty. Being as casual as we are, we don’t want to make things more “rigid” than we are capable/desirous of. But something like knowing who will show up has a big impact on how we sound, and how we enjoy our activity.
Right now, the options seem to be to kick him out, or just assume he is unreliable, but appreciate him when he comes. The music we play would definitely benefit from a 5th player. The sorta casual road we are taking makes it tough to get someone who is of a similar ability, complementary personality, similar level of dedication, etc. The other 4 of us are a good match. We thought he was as well. But I guess we COULD restructure as a 4-piece w/ him as a periodic guest…