I’ve had my share of alcohol, but I understand this woman’s concerns. If he drinks so much that his mind is “altered” and behaves markedly different from the way he is when not getting tipsy, I’d get out of the bf-gf relationship if he refuses to stop his Friday night jekyll and hyde weirdness.
Just not her own.
Very typical double standard: I can control my drinking, but you’re a self-deluded alcoholic who won’t face reality.
It’s iffy. I voted that he shouldn’t stop drinking because I thought the establishment of this kind of control on her part this early in the relationship was the most pressing issue.
There’s a scary old joke. A young couple gets married and they’re riding away from the church in their carriage, and the horse stumbles, and the husband says “That’s one!” Horse stumbles again, and he says “That’s two!” Third time the horse stumbles he yells “That’s three!” and pulls out his gun and shoots the horse dead. His new wife freaks out, how could you kill the poor horse, now we have no horse, what’s wrong with you, etc etc. He says, “That’s one!” OK, I get the joke, but more disturbing is the fact that maintaining such a level of control over somebody else is a premise for a joke.
Good point. I must have missed that.
Voted other, only to explain that this IS a hypothetical question. IME the alcoholic calls out those closest for the problem they themselves have.
Sounds like John & Jane just aren’t compatible.
There’s a lot of things I “could” stop. Playing videogames. Watching Game of Thrones. Eating steak. Whatever. I’d prefer not to. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who wants me to.
I was in this situation with the gender roles reversed. I was John and the guy I was seeing was Jane. He grew up with alcoholic parents which I understood, and as a result, he had no concept of anyone being able to handle a few beers or glasses of wine. I like to have a beer or two at barbecues; wine when dining out for dinner in a nice place (once or twice a month); and the occasional margarita with my girlfriends. He asked me to stop completely. I agreed and even did so for a few weeks, but I resented the controlling behavior. He thought the resentment was because I *needed *to drink! A couple drinks a month isn’t a “need”. We broke up shortly thereafter. With him thinking I was an alcoholic, no doubt. I wonder if he ever found a teetotaler.
Those who have such difficulty maintaining a relationship with someone who has the occasional drink need to find themselves a teetotaller so they can be miserable together 
This - IMO - hits it on the head. I think we could all come up with a continuum of things you would have increasing difficulty giving up for an SO. How far you are willing to go can be a complex matter, involving how important that activity is to you, and how important the entirety of your relationship is to you. I think it also would be very relevant as to the reason the SO is making the request.
Now I didn’t read the OP as indicating Jane wants John to become a teetotaler. Instead, I thought she just wanted him not to get tipsy/drunk every Friday night. Did I misread? Because if Jane wanted John to go sober while she continued drinking in moderation, I’d say “Run for the hills!” But if, instead, her concern is with the amount he drinks, the regularity, how it affects him afterwards - well, that could be a legitimate request. And, if every other aspect of the relationship is great, I’d suggest John should seriously consider how much getting tipsy every Friday means to him.
Very few (if any) partners are perfect. And a long-term relationship involves considerable ongoing give and take. If John dumps Jane, hoping to find someone who is her equal in every way - but doesn’t care about his drinking - he might be single for some time.
Jane knows a person can drink without being an alcoholic. She does it herself, and yet she demands John stop. Jane is a hypocrite with control issues. it’s as simple as that.
I don’t even know. I just fake being an adult, all day, every day. Really I just want to go home and play Borderlands with my SO until my eyes bleed. And travel. I would love to travel.
But yes, it would be essentially like my partner asking me to quit videogames because every once in a while, I play all day long. I had a really busy month, and last week it culminated in an event that basically went down in flames. I spent all of Saturday playing video games to get over it. No biggie, but if he asked me to stop entirely we’d have a problem. He has a right to ask me to limit it if it’s taking over my life, but that’s it.
Luckily he’s usually playing too.
OK - read it again. OP said Jane wants John to “quit full stop.” The only possible response I would imagine would be if - for whatever reason - John wanted to suggest that THE BOTH OF THEM stop all drinking. Even that seems a little farfetched. But Jane wanting him to stop while she continues is completely fucked up.
I did much of my socializing/woman meeting/dating in bars. Worked for me!
I would not be comfortable in a relationship with someone who has a designated drinking night and drinks to an “altered state of mind” on a weekly basis. I don’t like to not be sober and really can’t grok why someone would want to do that regularly. From my perspective, it’s completely reasonable for Jane to say, “Hey, I really can’t continue this relationship with you drinking every Friday night. Is that something you could give up? Or should we go our separate ways?” Either response from John is fine, and it’s likely they’d both be happier with other partners.
If she’s not giving up alcohol, it’s pretty damned unreasonable of her to ask him to.
It releases dopamine, or oxytocin, or something. Anyway, for most people it triggers their pleasure receptor neurons. It feels good.
+1 to that.
LOL! I rarely drink, and voted “no”. Just because some men in Jane’s life had a problem with drinking, doesn’t mean that all men in Jane’s life do or will.
Jane needs to work on her issues with trusting men, and her fears about alcohol. John ***could ***consider cutting back on his nights out to a few nights a month, if he wants to, but overall, one night a week with the guys? I’d have no problem with that.
Going by the title alone, it depends on what you mean by “have a problem.” Should they find it difficult? No. But that doesn’t mean they have to do it. They can full well “have a problem” with being made to quit, even if they wouldn’t “have a problem” with doing so if they chose to do so.
And going by the OP, they have a legitimate reason here. She’s demanding he do something she’s not doing. Why is he more likely to become an alcoholic than she is? He has every right to call this hypocrisy.