Need help (inspiration) stopping drinking

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

(Permission was given to start this thread - I am not asking for medical advice.)

I’ve finally screwed up the courage to start this thread.
I have a drinking problem. Not a big, life altering one but one none the less. First things first. I recently had a check up and I’m fine. I discussed this with my doctor so she is aware of the situation. She told me all the reasons I should stop, but I just can’t seem to. I drink about a bottle of wine a night (sometimes more) or an equivalent of vodka and I know this will eventually affect my health. I’m also gaining weight.

I’m nice to people, hold down my job and take care of my responsibilities so it’s not wrecking my life on a day to day basis. I tell myself I’m just going to have a glass or two but I feel so good after that I drink more. My doc suggested a book that was a thinly veiled 12 step program which doesn’t work for me* at all*. I don’t have anyone I need to apologize to and I don’t believe in a higher power.

So what I’m hoping for is some personal experiences of those who have managed to quit or cut way back and the motivation that helped. Anecdotal experiences are also welcome as well as things you think might help.

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My experience is similar, except that it escalated rather quickly from enjoying the drinking everynight to needing the drink everynight. It sounds as if you haven’t progressed that far yet (and please don’t).

Some things that may help: don’t let yourself get tired or hungry. If you really crave a drink then either symptom can make it that much harder not to drink. Also, don’t be afraid to indulge (icecream or candy). Most likely you’ll lose weight once you’ve quit drinking.

AA may seem weird/strange, but it truly works. The key is to keep an open mind and try different meetings; not all are alike and it may take some exploration to find one with a group of people you can connect with.

Good luck.

3

Here’s a bit of challenge to your comments:

You don’t have anyone to apologize to but you can’t stop doing something to yourself that you see as harmful?

You don’t believe in a power greater than yourself but you are asking others to help you do something you can’t seem to accomplish?

Pondering on these may be a start on getting unstuck.

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I feel like I’m getting there that’s why I’m reaching out

Thank you.

5

What’s the problem in understanding this point of view?

Plain Jane, no personal experience here, but I sure hope you get where you need to be, and hopefully on your own terms… :slight_smile:

Best, Matthew

6

PlainJane, you sound so much like me, it’s frightening. I’m just finishing up an Intensive Outpatient Treatment program and said exactly what you’ve just said when I started – it’s not a big problem because I’m holding down my job and taking care of my responsibilities, etc., etc.

I was about as resistant to a 12-step problem as you are, and for the same reasons. And I’m still fighting with that one. My counselor is encouraging me to try another couple of meetings to see if I can find one that I like better than the first one I went to, and I’ve been doing a lot of reading, which has helped me with the whole powerlessness thing (this is a HUGE issue for me) and the higher power thing. There are several books out there that look at 12-step programs from a Buddhist viewpoint, and I found them very useful in this regard.

I strongly encourage you to check out SMART Recovery, which takes a cognitive behavioral therapy approach. There are some excellent tools on their website. One is a “cost-benefit analysis,” which might help you with your search for inspiration to stop.

I’m on my 53rd day of sobriety. You can do it, PlainJane. Good luck.

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Thank you freckafree for your time and encouragement. I will study the link you provided. I’m not diluted enough to think that because I’m carrying on with my day to day responsibilities that I don’t have a problem. I know I do and because I’ve come to this realization I’ve gotten more concerned about this getting worse. That is why I asked here first. Believe me it was hard to do. But it’s 10:09 as I write this and I haven’t had a drink tonight yet.

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PlainJane, you could be me! A glass of wine turns into half a bottle really easily, which recently had turned into a bottle without even really noticing. My drinking had become an issue for me - not really (yet) in terms of employment; my work was fine, my personal life was fine, but I could tell that a bottle of wine a night was likely to be doing some damage long-term. It took many, many months of telling myself I really ought to do something about it, and not getting anywhere, and I finally just stopped a couple of months ago, as part of some other significant changes to my diet I was making. It sounds too simplistic, but actually, that’s all there is to it, at base - just don’t order a glass of wine at the bar (I went with water instead, or coffee) and don’t buy wine to drink at home. Then you can’t drink it - my problem was remembering not to automatically order a glass of wine when someone asked me what I wanted to drink, but after the first 2 or 3 weeks, it became much easier and now it’s no trouble.

I’ve found a lot of the time when I was drinking lots, it was because I was actually thirsty. Not because I wanted wine, per se, but because I needed water, and I couldn’t tell the difference between the feelings. If you’re planning to try and cut down, try drinking a glass of water before you drink a glass of wine, and see if that eliminates the desire for a drink - even if it doesn’t, it should help you to drink the wine slower and make it last longer, so you’ll drink less.

I’ve not had a drink in 2 months now, which is the longest I’ve gone without drinking since I was 15. I’m making it up as I go along, since the idea of going to things like AA scare me, but I feel better than I have done in years, and that was a fairly noticeable change fairly early on. Being able to wake up in the morning and remember everything from the night before is still a fairly novel experience for me, and my sleep has improved significantly, after some crap nights for the first month or so.

I’ve found stopping drinking to be well worth doing - and cutting down never worked for me, the amounts always crept back up in a short period of time. Best of luck to you - if I can help at all, or if you just want to bitch about things, send me a pm.

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I used to be in the same boat. I drank about 15 beers almost every night for 13 years, but never had issues with work, etc. When it finally caught up with me health-wise, my insurance company (Kaiser) put me in a group therapy type of program that lasted four months.

During that time I went to a couple of AA meetings, but I couldn’t get into it. I still don’t get the whole concept of a “higher power.” As with freckafree, my counselor kept telling me to try different meetings, to try to find something I’d be comfortable with, but I never did.

I just hit the five year mark of sobriety a couple of weeks ago. For the first year or so, the idea of never being able to drink again was really depressing, but now I could care less. I don’t drink now because I’m simply not interested. I had no life when I was a drinker, and even though I kept my responsibilities and obligations, it fucked with me in other ways. I have no desire to go back to that, and I don’t even really think about it.

I’m writing all of this to show that it is possible to quit drinking, and stay off of it, without doing AA/12 steps/whatever. Don’t get me wrong, I think AA is a wonderful program, it just wasn’t for me, and it’s not the only way to achieve sobriety and stick with it.

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I think I read something sometime ago (how’s that for being specific) about an atheist alcoholic suport group (AAA?). A quick google led me to http://friendlyatheist.com/2007/05/30/alternatives-to-alcoholics-anonymous/ and from there to http://www.rational.org/ you could try searching there.

Good Luck

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Let’s see. The people I know in my life that have quit drinking after becoming addicted:

[ul][li]A few friends who have told me they used AA.[/li][li]My great uncle who gave it up on becoming “saved”[/li][li]My uncle who gave it up because he was dying, and didn’t want to die like that. And even then he needed the help of his partner (my biological uncle) to get very far. [/li][list][li](Plus he uses some cannabis to help.)[/ul][/list][/li]
That’s all I’ve got. I’d tell you about how I gave up benzodiazepines, but I wouldn’t recommend my method to anyone. I’m still paying for it.

The main thing I will tell you is that gradual reduction tends to make any withdrawal a lot easier. And it’s okay to go as slow as you need to. And it’s okay to replace it with something else, as long as that something else is easier to get off of. Eating, watching TV, Yoga, hypnosis, or whatever stuff can help you fight. Oh, and a good therapist and/or partner won’t hurt. Part of dealing with alcoholism is dealing with the underlying condition that keeps you drinking. (Unfortunately, since I was involuntarily addicted, I can’t help you with that part.)

12

You can define higher power to your own standards (says an observer of rehab - spent a week there with my sister). Some people define it as the simple biological and medical facts that alcohol will and is making them sick. Its something outside you that you acknowledge you can’t control. If you were the highest power in the universe, you could drink as much as you want without ill effects. Alcoholics often have control issues - and not in ‘they can’t control’ but in they are ‘unwilling to give up control’ - they believe they CAN bend reality to their needs (and often, alcoholics learn a bunch of manipulative behaviors that let them get by with bending reality for a LONG time).

Likewise, unless you are an island unto yourself, there is someone out there who knows or suspects how much you drink that is worried about you. That’s not a bad place to start in your apologizing. And if you are an island unto yourself and no one knows you well enough to realize you drink a bottle of wine almost every night - the best place to start is in developing a support system of people who do care about you.

There are secular sobriety groups out there, they are hard to find. The open AA meetings I’ve been to as a guest are not God filled and surprisingly comfortable.

13

No problem for me in understanding this point of view, but Jane says she hasn’t hurt anyone. Doesn’t she count?

Repetitive behavior that you can’t stop is damaging. Our self-esteem takes a blow. And problem drinkers are well known for feeling remorseful. Good news is the remorse can be part of the solution. I remember an acquaintance saying, “I don’t drink because I never want to feel that way again.”

It may be useful for the OP to recognize that an apology to self is due. Stopping a bad habit is treating one’s self with the same consideration you give others.

My understanding is that habitual use of alcohol subjects the user to denial. An honest beginning of assessing the damage to self and others can be a useful tool in bringing awareness of the need to quit.

Here’s where a group comes in handy. As others talk about what they’ve done and how it has affected them it jogs others’ memories.

If one drink leads inevitably to more the first step is to not take that first drink. Unfortunately no one else can make you do that. All the help and encouragement in the world won’t help until the drinking stops if the drinking is truly problematic.

Sending continued courage, Jane.

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Alcoholism sneaks up on you slowly. You don’t go from stable and successful to rock bottom in a day. The alcoholics I know descended slowly enough that they couldn’t even see it happening. The fact you can recognize the descent in yourself means it might be happening much faster than normal. DO NOT underestimate this disease. Every alcoholic I know misjudged the power the disease had over them, and underestimated the damage it was doing.

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Stopping by to offer encouragement and support!

I have never had to give up alcohol, so I can’t give you first hand experience, but I hope it works out for you!

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I was a bottomless pit in my 20’s and 30’s. I quit when i got pregnant but like a fool took it up again, for a short time. Then it finally dawned on me I could NOT wake up every morning with a massive hangover and be any kind of mom. I was NOT going to go out clubbing with my friends, I had a responsibility to my family, I was going to be “on call” 24/7… So I quit cold turkey. THAT WAS A MISTAKE. Do NOT quit cold turkey, taper off. It’s very dangerous to just stop the booze and I suffered sheer hell for weeks, lucky I didn’t get the DT’s (far as I know)… Today, I still have a glass or two of sherry sometimes at night, or a cocktail going out to dinner. but my tolerance for alcohol is very low now. The pleasant buzz is very short, and I’m tired and groggy (but not hungover!) the next day, so it’s hardly worth it. …Which is a good thing, my kid is now grown, but I’m now at that stage of life when I’m “on call” dealing with elderly relatives, have been called out in the middle of the night, now how could I do that if I was passed out snoring???..I drank a lot because I was depressed, isolated, lonely, had a loathesome family, and most of all was bored. Life changes made it necessary to stop that shit, and I’ve never slipped back into the depths I wasted my youth in…Don’t know if that helps you, but I wish you the best. It can be done! I remember the utter thrill of taking a long walk early in the morning on New Year’s Day, stone cold sober in a sleeping world. Good luck, remember, taper off. And find something to fill up/replace that time you spend drinking. Exercise is helpful.

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If you aren’t successful tapering off, you may need to quit cold turkey. Talk to your doctor before you do so - and have a friend stay with you if at all possible if your doctor doesn’t think you need inpatient detox. As salinqmind said, cold turkey can be dangerous.

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Over a couple years no booze for me now. Quit cold turkey from almost a full 1.75L bottle of vodka/day.

People make a big deal about it. Don’t quit cold turkey, you’ll die! Go to AA, you need help, a higher power, you can’t do it alone! Booze is too powerful! It’s too evil! Get help!

Fuck that noise. If quitting gives me withdrawal symptoms, DTs, kills me, so what? I did this to myself. Let’s see what happens.

I wasn’t really planning on quitting either. Like a lot of alkies, I knew I"d have to someday. I also knew “someday” or “eventually” is all bullshit. That really just means, “never until it really is a big deal, and out of my control.”

Well, fuck that noise, too. Woke up one day and my mind was saying “time for a drinkie! That’ll make ya feel better.” My body said, “booze stinks, it’s yucky, hell, it’s poison. Don’t want any.” I decided to listen to my body for once.

Day 1: no booze for me this morning. Wait 'til noon. You can do that, for christsakes. Okay, still alive, not seeing pink elephants. Go for 2PM. Fine. 4PM. Fine. 8PM, hey, look at me, still alive. 10PM, time for bed. No booze for me today. Aren’t I the shit?

Day 2: Well, you made it 24 hours. The world didn’t end. I wonder when the DTs are going to start? Google, google, google. Seems it could be within 8 hours. Or 24 hours. Or three or four days. Sometimes a week to ten days. Hmmm… I went 24 hours, let’s go for another half day. Cool, now lets go the whole day!

Day 3: Two fucking whole days! Go me! I was sucking down the coffee and cigs though. Body need poison!

Day 4: Still no DTs. Haven’t died. I’m kinda thinkin’ I’m not going to. Let’s keep going and see. I deserve those DTs damn it. Bring 'em on!

Day 5 (or something): I’m over most of the danger period I think, but I’ll aim for ten days, to be absolutely sure. Went to the fridge, took out my last bottle of booze, and poured it down the kitchen sink. Goodbye stupid alcohol. Don’t own me.

Day 6 and beyond: Dang, my mind keeps mentally reaching for drink. Have to keep telling myself, “no, now would not be a perfect time to have a drink, stupid. Normal people don’t sit around thinking this shit.”

10 days: No DTs. If it hasn’t happened by now, it ain’t gonna.

Fuck the AA shit. What is this, the middle ages? Booze is some powerful evil supernatural force that has power over me? Bullshit. It’s rubbing alcohol. It stinks. It’s an anesthetic, and antiseptic, and not something your body is actually designed to need. It’s fucking poison. And don’t give me any of that “a glass of red wine per day is good for you” bullshit. A vitamin C tablet per day is probably a lot better for you, over the long term.

That was pretty much that. I didn’t set out to quit forever, and even now I just leave it open ended. I like being a non-drinker. It feels good. It’s self-empowering, or some bullshit like that. I don’t check days off the calendar, and I don’t need little buttons or pins or badges about how long I"ve been sober. I allow myself to feel smug and powerful when I see people on TV sucking down glass after glass of booze. Weak-ass idiots. Do the really cool people drink? No. Unless they’re James Bond, but realistically he’s headed for liver disease too, and no way in real life he’d be a competent action hero if he were really drinking like that. It’s fake booze, you know. Then I’d ignore people on TV who drink, and focus and cool people who don’t drink. They’re the cool ones, and they’re the ones I want to be like. Don’t focus on people who do get to drink. Focus on the cool people who don’t drink for no other reason then they don’t like it and it isn’t cool.

Alcohol is just a liquid chemical. That’s all it is. It’s not scary. It’s not a monster. It’s just a stinky stupid fucking liquid and I don’t need it. Have a nice glass of gasoline if you like drinking stupid useless things that are bad for you.

For me, it had to not be a big deal. If it’s a big deal and you sit around in meetings making it a bigger deal all the time, it’s going to be big deal. If you make it one.

Fuck that. I could take it or leave it but I feel better leaving it. I love the fact that it was never a big deal except when I was making it one. No denial. No head games trying to trick myself out of it. No battle of will power vs. the evil fire water. Nope, I just don’t drink, and I don’t sit around thinking or worrying about it, because that would mean it’s a big deal. Can’t be a non-drinker if you sit around all day thinking about being a non-drinker.

The person I live with drinks, and has booze all over the house. I was worried about that but quickly realized the whole world is full of booze. Too bad, not for me. Don’t need it.

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Thank you all for your help and support so far. I realized something as I read the responses this morning, not having anyone IRL to talk with about this has been a bigger issue than I thought. I was deeply touched and moved by your contributions and I have a stronger, more positive attitude today. It seems so much more doable now hearing first hand accounts. So thanks for sharing your stories and insights.

I broke down last night and had a few drinks after but managed to keep it reasonable. So with a clear head and a motivated attitude maybe today is the beginning of the end of drinking for me. No more excuses. Reading the “A” word made me put this in perspective - one that I didn’t want to accept. So with the bull before me, I’m placing one hand firmly on each horn. I have my gym bag packed and will be heading up there around 7.
Jain

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[chemistry geek]Drinking alcohol is ethanol. Rubbing alcohol is isopropyl alcohol.[/chemistry geek]

Not that it matters (and most people know the difference anyways), but I’m a bit grumpy and it was annoying me :wink:

My father was a binge drinker, and quit cold turkey. It’s been about 20 years now, and he is a much better person for it. He does still drink non-alcoholic beer, though, since he does love the relaxation of being able to come home and unwind with a beer, but even that is something he started doing after many years of sobriety when he knew it wouldn’t lead him to start thinking he could have a real beer.

My grandmother was a tiny woman who drank half a litre of vodka a day. It nearly killed her. It affected her mind and memory; she had trouble making new memories unless they were things of importance to her, such as her age, the names of her grandkid’s spouses, etc. It could be frustrating. She was sober for the last 9 years of her life, but the effects on her mind never healed. It’s really not just the liver you have to worry about.