So please stop offering it to me. I’m trying to quit, you see? I’ve told you that many times friends, please please please stop encouraging me to drink.
I never drank growing up. I didn’t even touch the stuff until I turned 21, and even that was in severe moderation. The problem started out of depression from my divorce, but quickly turned into an addiction. A bottle of wine every night to ease the pain of losing her.
When one friend tells you at the bar “Damn dude, you’re an alcoholic! Ha ha!” it’s funny. When the 10th person tells you, it gets annoying. But when the 20th or so comes along, then it finally starts to sink into my thick skull. I hate who I’ve become because of this stuff. I look at pictures of myself from a few years ago, and I’m shocked. Not that I’m fat or anything, but I’m nowhere near the good health that I should be.
“Why are you quitting?” you ask, as you tease me for being a pussy because I won’t join you in a double shot.
Because I have an addictive personality and now alcohol has become my weapon of choice. I drink all the time, and I love it. I can’t get buzzed off of just a few, it takes the hard stuff to have even a noticeable effect. Sure, this may make me a champ at a party playing drinking games, but God knows what it’s doing to my insides.
Because I’m tired of feeling like shit all the time
Because I’m trying to lose weight, and a 12 pack of wheat product every other night is not productive towards that goal.
Because I’m tired of waking up next to ex-girlfriends in the morning, and then just leaving. How big of an ass have I become to drive over there (above/at/near the legal limit) just to satisfy my desire to fuck?
Because I don’t need it to be/have fun at a party.
And because it’s my choice. That’s all the reason you should need - so respect my decision!
This is hard enough as it is. I want it, I’m so tempted with every fucking liquor store I pass to stop in and get something. So please stop deriding me for my decision. I don’t have a problem with your drinking, and I don’t get preachy or anything about it. I just choose not to. It’s not easy, but I already feel better. I haven’t woken up sober this many days in a row since… well I can’t remember when.
3 days dry. Tomorrow makes 4. Sorry for the lame rant, just needed to get that off my chest.
Good on you Skydive. Remember that even though there are a few people around you who put on an act of being shocked at your positive decisions, there are other, less vocal people in your life, who are extremely happy about this. It might help to talk to some of those as well, to get some perspective and support.
Two tips:
Buy lots of drinks for yourself (whatever soft drink floats yer boat, although try to go easy on the caffeinated drinks as they can lead to a stronger craving for liquor); and
When they “offer” to buy a drink, say something like “in a few minutes”, and hope they forget, or you can keep putting them off. If they actually do buy it for you, just leave it on the bar or on a table or something, and walk away as if you’re absent mindedly doing something else. They’ll get sick of you wasting their money. The only hard part here is the self control, so just keep telling yourself over and over “I’m not drinking tonight”.
There are hundreds of strategies, but these are a couple of good ones.
Hang in there, Skydive. I turned my back on the stuff as of April 1st (seemed appropriate at the time and still does), and for me it’s gotten easier as time goes on. My biggest hurdle so far has been remembering not to drink; it had become such a habit that I didn’t even think about it anymore. Every trip to the store involved stopping by the cooler for a case. I went through a few weeks of having to remind myself not to take that detour, and it’s getting easier. I invested in a Brita pitcher, and several squeeze-type water bottles. Always plenty to drink around nowadays, just no more alkyhell.
[I should note that I may be very lucky in that regard: haven’t had severe cravings, shakes, withdrawl, etc. This after a 4-6 case per week of Icehouse 5.5% beer habit that lasted several years.]
I used to have someone who would practically shove the stuff down my throat (I think he was using me to validate drinking himself); and would not only order me drinks if I wouldn’t on my own, but complain at me for “wasting” his money after he’d bought me a drink he already knew I didn’t want. I don’t hang out with him much anymore; don’t know who his drinking excuse is nowadays.
You don’t owe anyone justification, but in response to the “Why are you quitting?” question, my favorite response has been “Because I’m stupid.” Let’em argue with that if they want to. They usually don’t know quite what to say at that point.
When I first got sober (it will be 12 years as of next Tuesday), many of my old pals from the bar acted the same way. But of course it makes sense. When someone who drinks like you decides they have a problem, what does that say about you? So someone who is not ready to look at their own drinking will have a hard time accepting one of their buddies going off the sauce. I eventually found I had to stop hanging around most of those folks–but it was no big loss, because anyone who is not going to be supportive of my sobriety isn’t really a friend after all.
I agree. Good going. I’m working on slowing to a managable level, but I really usually go all-out on weekends anyway.
Luckily, I have never had problems with my friends in any way over this. But they are an odd bunch to begin with. I have three sets of friends, in a way;
One group that drinks rarely, and seem to not really want to when I’m around because I don’t see them too often.
One bunch who will, night after night, get so stupidly drunk thet they can’t function and pass out only after infuriating everyone else. They I see even more rarely than the first.
And the bunch I see the most often, who are the types to drink every night, but only if they know they have nothing better to do and they can do so safely.
In all, I know very few people who don’t drink at all (Geo included).
However, not since my college days have I gotten peer pressure by present company to drink, so I don’t worry about that.
I don’t know about your getting new friends, but they do sound rather immature in their handling your wish to live life your own way.
Great OP.
Good luck to you Skydive101. Your determination seems obvious to me, because those feelings/comments are the same ones I had when I really, once and for all quit drinking.
Geobabe has it right, BTW.
I’ve been through this, and I can tell you that I’m much happier now being sober.
This thread might interest you. If nothing else, you will learn that your feelings are not unusuall or unique. Most folks who drink/drank (incl. me) have drinking buddies. Drinking buddies will resent your attempts to improve yourself. Do what’s good for you.
Second on the advice to get new friends. I have a few friends who are/have been in AA, and one of them told me that one of the most important things she ever did was to quit hanging around with her boozing friends. I met her long after she stopped drinking, and it’s hard to imagine her hitting the sauce. But our group’s gatherings definitely do not revolve around alcohol. There might be beer around if anyone wants one, but what each person chooses to drink is not an issue. And if we’re having a dinner party with wine, we also have plenty of other bevvies, maybe some good sparkling cider, and others might even join her in the NA stuff.
If anything, our circle’s problem is not too much booze, but too much coffee. We’re definitely javaheads.
Good on ya mate! My dad is off the sauce, around 6 months now, and he looks five years younger. Any urge to reach for a drink will be squashed by your new, beautiful-looking young-again body. Just look in the mirror and your self-esteem boost should help ya. Sometimes a bad physical self-image can lead to more drinking, and if you have a good self-image, you won’t even think of turning to the hooch!
If you need support for any reason, we’re all here to help ya.
You guys rock, thank you so very much for all the support. Another dry day today, and I feel even better than yesterday. I never thought there’d be this much of a noticable difference. It’s so odd, and hard to explain. I feel witty again, like shaking off a gauze bandage that had been on my brain. I’m not tired all the time. I’ve been running flights of stairs and working out again, I think this is helping too.
As for the getting new friends part, I think you’re all correct on this. Luckily, I’m moving from Kansas to the Oceanside area of California in a month. Part of that is for a job, but the other part is more personal - to spread my wings and start over.
Once again, thank you for your stories, your support, and your mad doper love. That was a very helpful link Forbin, I appreciate it. And I agree with you Geobabe, my current circle of friends are the ones that “helped” me through my divorce by taking me out constantly to get shitfaced. I think it takes more courage to face that stuff sober, I took the cowardly way out.
I hope I don’t sound like an idiot, but I’m really happy now. I picked up my bass guitar for the first time in what feels like ages. I took in the new Tom Clancy flick this afternoon (Affleck!), and that’s the first time I’ve gone to a movie in years without being plastered. Thanks again.
It’s none of their damn business why you’re quitting - I suggest you tell them that. Asking someone why they don’t want to drink is right up there with grilling someone on why they don’t want kids - it just isn’t any of their business. For what it’s worth, you have my full support if you want to tell these “friends” to take a flying leap. I third the idea that you need better friends (or maybe just friends in a different location than a bar.)
(A tip for what to drink in bars - try cola or other soft drinks or fruit juice mixed with lots of soda water - you can drink it all night and not get too much caffeine or calories, and you still have a nice, fizzy drink. And it only takes a couple of weeks to get used to a less sweet drink - I can’t even drink regular strength soft drinks anymore. :))
Well, you go and post a “thank you” while I’m composing my post - fine. Be that way. (It doesn’t sound idiotic to be happy, btw - it sounds good. Good for you.)
You’re welcome Skydive101.
That thread meant a lot to me too.
Oh, BTW, Memorial Day was the two year anniversary of my sober lifestyle, and I really think I’m just getting better all the time.
I do not miss drinking one bit.
At bars I’ve been doing the water thing. If I order a coke, it’s just too tempting to say “Jack and Coke” or “Rum and Coke” or “Crown and Coke” or “just give me some fucking booze with this Coke”. I swear I’ve drank more water then a drowning person in the past few days.
I forgot to mention this earlier. I ran into one of my (now former) drunken booty-call girls at the mall today. I apologized to her for all of the stupid things I’d done. We had a great conversation, and I told her about my decision to stop. She was completely floored, but happy for me. We’re going out to dinner tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to actually having a conversation with her.
Nice job, Skydive101, I get subtle questions from time to time, but no pressure. I also lost 20 pounds in about two months, and enjoy waking up with a clear head every day. Round about 4 months for me. I still hav to clarify from time to time, like tonight, “No, not Long Island Iced Tea, just Iced Tea, please.”
