Parental transmission of genital herpes tend to be mother-child during delivery. If you’re getting father to child transmission of genital, there are possibly larger problems at stake.
I never had to make this kind of choice but I can’t help but think it would effect my choice. But I know if someone knowingly kept it from me I would be furious.
Touche 
I do get an occasional cold sore but have somehow been able to avoid transferring it to my wife who I’ve been with for 10 years, so I’m doing something right.
But that problem could be as simple as Mother catching it from Father on her lips (do I need to provide a diagram?) and then kissing the children goodnight weeks or months later. Herpes doesn’t care where it lives. It USED to be that we thought there was oral herpes that liked to live around the mouth and genital herpes that liked to live around the genitals. Turns out that there are two strains, but both will happily live in either spot.
It’s definitely not a decision to make lightly, I agree. But I do think most people have an inflated sense of just how contagious it is with simple contact precautions. Of course since I grew up with it in the house, I may have a deflated sense of just how contagious it is despite simple contact precautions, too.
Bottom line: this is about the very definition of “a very personal choice”, and not one I’m going to pass judgement on either way.
I’ve just found out I have it. Had it for 3 years as it turns out, it’s just mild enough that I didn’t realize what was going on until recently. It’s NBD you guys. Some of you might even have it and not know it.
I understand that, which is why I used such weasel-words as “tend” and “probably”. In fact I’ve posted that same info (about what was thought of as oral herpes showing up in the genital region) myself. However, in broad strokes, that’s not usually what happening.
And the infection could mean the difference between a vaginal delivery or the major surgery called a C-section to avoid transmission. That isn’t a minor dilemma to solve.
Particularly when it results, as it did with my godson, in contracting the herpes virus in the eyes. Mom (who is a nurse), midwife and doc all thought a vaginal delivery was safe, and unfortunately they were wrong.
You can roll your eyes all you want, but if my daughter’s father had herpes when I got pregnant there’s a chance she could have it, and as many medical problems as she’s had why would I want more? Why is it eye-rolling to care about your child’s health? Or your own? Is it just crazy-talk that I don’t want to be exposed or expose my baby to a life-long condition?
Yes, and that happens, doesn’t it? I was molested by my own father for two years so I guess I see the potential problems all around. I’ve had to deal with the memories of that shit for the past 37 years. At least he didn’t give me herpes on top of all that.
Agreed. I wouldn’t put anyone down for choosing to have a relationship with someone with herpes. It’s not any of my business. I’m not overly-scared of it or anything. My niece recently found out she has it and we lived together. I didn’t worry about her exposing us to it, but I know how traumatic it was for her when she found out she had it and she knew her boyfriend had it but they thought they were careful.It devastated her, and maybe it shouldn’t have since it’s just an occasional rash, but it is a big deal to a 22 year old girl who now has to live with it for the rest of her life.
Genital herpes are no joke, especially for women. Children born while the woman is active can be scarred for life, including permanent blindness. If you haven’t done any research on the virus, do so. If you see pictures of some children who have been unfortunate enough to be born through the birth canal of a mother with genital herpes, it will become very clear to you that it isn’t something that should be ignored.
If you have it, please tell your potential partner before having sex, including oral sex. You can transmit the virus orally as well as by the genitals, so don’t play around (no pun intended). Even if you have it and think you can feel an attack coming on days before showing any visible signs, you can actually spread it to an unsuspecting partner anyway. There is something called “viral shedding” which can occur with folks who suffer from herpes. That means basically that the person who is carrying the virus would not feel the “tingle” or whatever they feel before an outbreak occurs, and the virus can be transmitted to the partner.
I suspect many folks who have genital herpes caught it from a partner who didn’t tell them they had it in the first place, or had sex with a personality the virus thinking it was safe because they weren’t feeling the internal physical symptoms that have been described as a “tingle”.
It would not be an absolute deal breaker for me if I was in love with the person. But honesty is important to me, and if she didn’t tell me until after we had sex (including oral) I would walk. It is a serious thing to have, and can have life-long consequences, especially if you don’t end up marrying or committing to the person.
Well seeing as how I’m just now getting over a cold sore inside my nose right now, y’all can probably figure how I feel about people who have herpes.
I’m seriously stunned that a little cold sore a few times a year (if that) on somebody’s lip or nose would be a deal breaker for people, but, whatever.
My mom has it and that’s probably how I got it. My sister has herpes too.
I’ve never had a genital outbreak though. Does that make any difference to anyone? Is everyone here just talking about genital outbreaks of herpes?
In other words, you do have it. Nobody ever says they’d refuse to date someone who has occasional cold sores, but cold sores are herpes. For some reason, it’s not the disease itself that people fear, just its name.
Does having gotten chicken pox as an adult or child qualify as “having herpes”?
H2 positive since the mid-1980s; wasn’t THAT a fun time. I am careful whenever I have an outbreak (rare these days) and have knowingly infected only one partner - and that took 14+ years to occur.
I had my first outbreak this year at 65yrs old. Type 1 usually associated with cold sores. My girlfriend has had an occassional cold sore over the years so I assume thats where I got it. I take one pill at the first sign and it dissappears. The directions say to take a pill 3 times a day for like 7 days but I just have not found that neccessary. On my first outbreak which was the worst I took about 2 pills a day for 3 days.
Given how many people are asymptomatic and how prevalent it is in the adult population, odds are that you have dated someone with herpes, unless you’ve had very few romantic partners.
No.
When people say “herpes”, they mean one of the “herpes simplex” varieties, not “herpes zoster”.
Not a dealbreaker if it was someone I loved.
Let me rephrase my original statement… I do not have genital herpes (Type HSV 1). Most of the time, when somebody is talking about herpes this is what they’re referring to, of course.
Also technically there are eight varieties of herpes including Chicken Pox, Shingles, and Mono. If you’ve had Chicken Pox are you supposed to tell people you have herpes?