Seriously. Some names include Jesse Jackson, Osama Bin Laden, and Vladimir Putin.
Why would it change who’s running now? 
David Vitter. He’s pre-scandaled.
FTR, I hereby Pit GloryDays for repeated concern-trolling in the Elections forum, dude’s obviously a dishonest RW shitbag, but I’m not going to put a lot of effort into it.
If he were constitutionally eligible and could speak English, I daresay he actually might resonate with the base the GOP has now. Macho tough-guy, war-hawk, fights Muslim terrorists, guards (and expands!) the border, populist, traditionalist, authoritarian, not PC, not a civil-liberties pussy, not soft on gays . . .
GloryDays’ Dream Ticket would be Vladamir Putin + Evan Bayh, because, you know, Bayh is a great, moderate, influence on the Dems.
Jared Fogle — in the Country of the Blind the one-eyed man is King.
Plus he’s devoutly jewish, so no awkwardness with Israel.
If Zakalwe, running coach and BrainGlutton are indicted of raping their children and hating black people and torturing Jews and fucking goats and beating their wives who will post for them?
We will, because the Mods helped us to do it all, and charged us money for the privilege, and entirely too much money at that, and they should be paying us in light of their own moral characters! OK, I’ll cut y’all some slack on the goats, they’re overrated anyway. Well, not by much, I’m sorry, Bessie. But you’re still worth more than any Mod! And your dung is worth more than Drunky Smurf!
Does it seem like we suddenly have a lot of Turing test candidates of late? Didn’t we used to only attract the very hippest of the trognoscenti? Can’t be attracting that much attention.
Bah. I knew all their foot-longs were chopped off a bit short.
Where are all the moderate voices like George Wallace and Joe McCarthy? We need someone to counterbalance the hard leftists like Joe Lieberman! The Broderism! Won’t somebody think of the Broderism?!
Maybe we need to increase our defense budget.
Goats got wives?
Sure, they got yours! 