If an 8pm address starts at 8:15, the country is dooooomed

The BBQ Pit
1

I liked Dennis Miller a lot more before he opened his fucking yap all over Fox News. He had his own failed news commentary show on CNBC or MSCNGBSMCMNBC or something. I only watched it when Brian Regan, the best comedian ever, was a guest.

Now, I don’t know if this guy is doing a Colbert-esq character of the most mentally disconnected smarmy asshole on the planet, or if he actually is such.

Just a few minutes ago I heard him on O’Reilly, his fuzzy face piped in via satellite to give his impressions about Obama’s address.

The first words out of his god damn fucktrap were, “If the government’s idea of a 6pm address starts at 6:15, I don’t see how they think they can get involved in healthcare.”

Pause for laughter.

What the fuck is this shit spigot talking about?

Is he serious? Is this a joke? A funny ha-ha joke I just don’t get because he slipped in a subliminal reference to Benjamin Netanyahu or something? I mean, this guy works in television, right? He’s been alive for the last 40 years, right? He knows that every presidential address and State of the Union begins 15 minutes after the hour, so the ego fairies on the news channels can give viewers a sense of what the fuck the man in the suit is talking about, without having to interrupt the schedules of So You Think Your Stars Can Dance and Falling Off Platforms Into The Water With Sound Effects.

Christ, this is how it’s always been.

I just… I don’t know anymore. My sense of reality has been shattered by these fucking republicans who would complain about the rain suddenly being wet if they thought the sentence would slip out betwixt their lips without intermingling with too much drool.

And it doesn’t even make sense. Even if the thing started late, what in the name of sweet aunt bippy does that have to do with anything else? We’ve been in Iraq for christ-all of a decade, so I guess that means the government shouldn’t get involved in firefighting because… of the… in this analogy I mean… NINE ELEVEN!!!

Seriously. Republicans’ brains are broken. They need some psychiatric help, which is generally not covered by insurance.

I’m going to go dig a little hole, spin around it a few times, and then die.

2

Preach it!

3

HAM!!!

4

That wasn’t very kosher.

5

It doesn’t matter if it’s true that presidential addresses always begin at 15 minutes past.

It was on Fox news, ergo it’s true, or at least truthy, and all the little wackos are going to add it to the pile as another trivial (and false) complaint against the president. I mean, O’Reilly didn’t contradict it, did he?

6

Man, the whiff of desperation from the Republicans is getting rank beyond belief, innit?

7

Five more days until the Daily Show comes back and I regain that small 30-minute island of sanity. Sigh.

8

Be thankful it’s not a government show, or it would last just fifteen minutes. :smiley:

9

“If the NFL’s idea of a 4 p.m. game starting at 4:30, I don’t see how they think they can get involved in the Superbowl.”

What, this moron never heard of a pre-game show?

10

It has the structure of a Dennis Miller joke, but Dennis is not as careful these days to ensure that his underlying premise makes sense. Consider another scenario in which, for some reason, the address was rescheduled:

“If this government’s idea of a 8:00 Wednesday address starts at 10:15 the following Friday, I’m not sure they should be involved in redesigning health care…”

Still not funny, but at least the requisite absurdity is there.

11

I used to listen to Miller’s radio show a while back on a semi-regular basis.
Some things struck me - 1) He seemed happy and a pleasant person when he was talking about movies or trivia or anything that wasn’t politics. He is not a particularly enthusiatic whore.

  1. He’s dumb as a box of rocks.
12

  1. I love you.

  2. I can’t be the only one who wants to watch So You Think Your Stars Can Dance and Falling Off Platforms Into The Water With Sound Effects, can I?

  3. Am I a bad person if I skipped the Presidential address because of a fantasy football draft?

  4. Was Kevin Smith a reach in the second round?

13

He hasn’t done anything halfway-decent since Clerks. And in retrospect, Clerks was graded on a curve.

14

This is the same thing I thought, and frankly, I wouldn’t bother to connect the dots either, why bother, look at your audience.

15

37!

16

Yeah he was, especially if you had an early pick and it was a snake draft. If you were a late first rounder, you coulda gotten him easily probably w/ an early 2nd, but it depends on your fellow players.

They’re still going to suck though.

17

The regular Miller segment on O’Reilly is one of the most painful things to watch on all of cable news. Two vacuous, smarmy tools cackling incessently at Miller’s stream of strained, mirthless, non-jokes. It’s especially painful when O’Reilly tries to join in with his own witless attempts at banter, clearly under the deluded impression that he and Miller are “riffing” off each other and creating great television. It’s like watching David Brent interview Dane Cook if both of them were right wing Republicans.

Conservatives just don’t know how to be funny. It seems to me that what’s most often absent from their attempts at it is the realization that satire has to be based on some kind of truth. Simply reciting mindless repetitions of their own stereotypes and canards is not satire, it’s just self-gratification.
That “Redeye” show on Fox is even worse.

18

To be fair, many of the dems are as funny as hot sawdust coughal gore*.
I am though beginning to worry about your seemingly voracious consumption of righty TV though. It rots your brain dontcha know.

19

I had the second pick, so I got Smith with the second-to-last pick of the second round. Dynasty league, 1/2 a point per reception.

20

I dont mind Denis Miller’s style of humor. In fact, I rather enjoy it. In another fact, I pretty much rip it off whenever I can. It’s the substance of his targets that irritates me. He used to go after everybody mercilessly. He would savage Bill Clinton two punchlines away from ripping GHW Bush a new one.

My biggest problem with him lately, after listening to his radio show occasionally, is that he’s gone total Christian Fundamentalist. Almost every interview he conducts, he’s got to give props to the interviewee’s Christian faith. He was interviewing some stand-up comedian last week and I thought, good, let’s hear some light-hearted comic-to-comic banter. The whole thing was all about how the guy used to be an alcoholic and now that he’s found Jesus everything is ponies and picnic sandwiches and then they want on to discuss The Disciples of Comedy all about some Christian themed comedy revue.

Today he was interviewing Pat Boone, ferchrisakes. Fuck man, 10 years ago, I’d bet Miller had an entire chapter in his joke book dedicated to making Pat Boone look like the tool that he is … now he’s sucking his cock on the radio.

It’s depressing.