"If apples and oranges were razor blades, you could shave with a fruit salad"

[CaveMike]

@Mean_Mr.Mustard

“If ifs and buts were candy and nuts then we’d all have a merry Christmas”

I’ve always heard:
“If ifs and buts were candy and nuts then every day would be Christmas”

[Q.Q.Switcheroo]

“If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, then - how does the rest of that go?”
– Homer Simpson