If clues were WMDs, I'd be Iraq

The BBQ Pit
41

Another charter member of CICBACUGA signing in. In my younger days, there were a lot of opportunities I completely missed out on because I was too dense to see them.

My senior year in high school, I worked with this girl Cindy. She was cute and nice but I never saw anything happening between the two of us. We’d go to movies every so often, and I helped tutor her through her junior Algebra II class, so we’d meet once or twice a week for tutoring. It took three months of this… late-night study sessions, going out on weekends, hanging out with friends… before she finally sat me down one day, looked me in the eye, and said, “Look, you lunkhead. It’s taken long enough, so I’ll just say it. I like you. You’re cute. We should go out.”

And stupid me, I said, “We’ve gone out a couple of times, what are you talking about?”

She gave me a withering look of scorn and replied, “We should GO OUT. If you know what I mean.”

“Oh.”

And we did.

Stupid me.

<smote forehead>

42

Female checking in here. It’s good for a woman’s self-esteem to know that you occasionally sit up in bed and smack yourselves in the forehead. Usually we think you’re not interested and get our feelings hurt, and then we feel stupid for being so OBVIOUS about liking you, and then getting shot down. And then we hate you for being such dicks.

NOTE TO ALL MEN: If a woman makes eye contact with you, flirts with you, touches you (this is HUGE–there’s usually this unspoken “touch barrier” that women generally don’t break unless they’re interested), or maneuvers to get you alone, SHE’S INTERESTED IN YOU.

43

Can I tell a vicarious story without looking mean?

My lover is of your ilk. I pretty much threw him on a bed before he got a clue - but that’s another story.

He and I are out at a club. We have a open relationship. There is a band that night, and we’re friends of the people who invited them, so we’ve been asked to ferry them around (we have a car, our friends don’t). The lead singer of the band is one of the hottest females I’ve ever laid eyes on. My lover is practically drooling.

So, I’m seeing her play with his hair as we’re driving the band around. Not being completely obtuse, I promptly absent myself so that they can hook up without the “girlfriend” around. But we’re at the same club. And I see her hanging on his arm. I see her pulling him out on the dance floor. I see her body-slam him into a wall and sliiiiiiiide herself along his body to pass him in the hallway.

He never got it.

sigh

mischievous

And that’s far from the only clueless-boy story I could tell about this man.

44

All right, I’m a girl, but I think I’ve got you all beat:

One exceptionally hot August day, about 6 or 7 years ago, my sister, her boyfriend and I went to hear my friend, Ginny, play. It was supposed be an outdoor afternoon gig, but it was so hot they moved it indoors.

I had something minor but important I wanted to discuss with another friend, Veronica, who was there. Veronica was selling the CDs and then helping pack up, so she was busy. I was following her around, trying to catch her attention long enough to get an answer to my question/issue from her.

Meanwhile, there was a guy there that I’d seen at a few of Ginny’s gigs. He was by himself, and would chat with me or ask me a question whenever I stood still. I answered him distractedly, far more concerned with cornering Veronica.

Later, he was still hanging around even after all the other people had gone, and it was just the core group of musicians, their SOs and close friends. We were discussing going for pizza after we had packed up the cars, and he said, “Pizza sounds great!”. Unfortunately for him, we decided it was too hot to eat, got in our cars and went home.

A little while later, A.C., my sister’s boyfriend said to me, “You know, that guy liked you.”

Me: “What guy?”

A.C.: “That guy at the gig.”

Me: “??..What guy at the gig?”

A.C.: “You know, that guy who was hanging around. He liked you.”

Me: “??..:smack: Ohhh!..I wondered what he wanted!”

So, you see, I am so completely clueless, so perfectly oblivious, I have to have other people tell me when I missed an opportunity! I simply would never have figured it out if it hadn’t been pointed out to me. I honestly just thought he wanted to hang out with the group.

I think never beats nine years!

He turned up at another gig that I was supposed to go to but ended up blowing off, to my sister’s extreme annoyance. (Not that I missed him, but that I blew her off, too) We’ve never seen him since.

45

I hope the women reading this thread are getting the message that, with many guys, SUBTLETY DOESN’T WORK. Don’t think you’re being subtle? Think, in fact, that you are being as obvious as a streetwalker but it still doesn’t work? You are being too subtle or else he’s gay. Many, many men couldn’t pick up a cue with a shovel.

Solution? Ask the guy out. He won’t think you are too “forward.” If he even realizes that you are asking him out he’ll be amazed that you or any woman thinks of him “like that,” but he probably won’t figure that much out.

46

Ok, on preview, any man who has a woman slide her body across his and still doesn’t pick up on it has got to be the President of Clueless. How he’s getting laid I don’t know.

47

Let’s look at this. You like this guy. You do all the girly things; you flutter your eyelashes, laugh at his jokes, admire his muscles, etc., and he’s not picking up on it. How far are you supposed to go? Show up naked in his bed? (And according to some of the posts here, even that doesn’t work). Just imagine how humiliating it would be if you did show up in his bed and he said, “Let’s just be friends.”

I say, if he doesn’t pick up on your flirting, move on. Far easier on the ego to contemplate what might have been rather than being shot down cruelly.

Sorry, this is where you are wrong. Girls who ask guys out are considered sluts. The guy she’s asking won’t think she’s too “forward”, he’ll think she only wants in his pants.

48

It seems to me that the problem here lies with the clueless, not those who make futile attempts to date them. While the girls are off learning how to menstruate, there should be some sort of class for guys where they explain the basic idea of signals and teach guys to at least be aware of the possibility that a girl might at some point like them. Show pictures of famous ugly guys with hot girlfriends to drive the point home (too bad Lyle Lovett isn’t still married to Julia Roberts…)

49

This is so, so, so not true. Believe me, most guys love the idea of the woman making the first move. I can’t iamgine why this myth has lasted as long as it has. It’s got to be the sort of thing women tell each other, because I know it’s not coming from men. If any guys think I’m wrong on this, please speak up so I can kick your ass for making it harder for the rest of us.

50

Wintermute, no offence, but what century do you live in?

If a girl asked me out, I’d be flattered. There are plenty of reasons for considering a woman a slut: this isn’t one of them, by a long shot.

51

Yup, President of Clueless he is. But he’s highly intelligent (in other matters), wonderfully cool, and godawful cute, so there’s plenty of boys and girls out there who make the effort to get there (besides me, of course).

If I like them, I give them advice. If not, they’re on their own.

mischievous

52

Why can’t we all just tell people stuff? What’s with all this ‘dropping hints’ crap anyway? It’d be so much easier if we could go up to people and say “Hey. Wanna fuck?”

“No.”

“Cool. Hey, what about you, wanna fuck?”

“Sure.”

That’d work so much better.

53

I could be a member of CICBACUGA as well, and I think my wife would agree. She sometimes points out to me a girl we were just talking to in a store or something was blatantly flirting, and I’ll go “eh?” Clever, no?

Probably the most obvious one I missed, but realized much later, was one of my best friends several years ago. Her and I would go out to lunch, talk about what we were reading or whatever. She was sometimes a bit touchy-feely, but that just seemed to be her personality. She told me once about a dream she had where her and I kissed, but we often talked about our dreams… I dismissed it as just idle talk. The one that really kills me, however, which I only realized was a fairly obvious come-on from her, was when we went to her place for some tea. Up in her room, she was sitting on her bed, leaning back a bit, talking about dreams again… and she’s chewing on a pencil or a straw or something. I mention it, and she starts telling me about this “oral fixation” she has, how much she loves to put things in her mouth. She gives me a loooong look.

And somehow, I completely missed it. I laughed it off or said something really stupid. Funny thing was, had I recognized it, I would have been so interested.

I’m not entirely clueless, however. I can lay claim to recognizing flirtation at least twice. Once, meeting some friends in a bar, a girl I didn’t know, clearly completely drunk, grabbed my shoulder and said “Hey, my friends wants to go out with a hot guy… you available?” Yes, friends, that was flirting, and I flashed my wedding ring accordingly.

And of course, I did manage to notice when it was most important… when the friend-of-a-friend girl who went to the Haunted House with us grabbed on to me repeatedly throughout the ride, even at several points when it wasn’t really scary. I went home and my shirt smelled richly of her perfume. A few weeks later we were going out, and not too much later we were married. Still are, in fact.

So, I have noticed it a couple times… but I know for a fact that I miss it far more than I see it. Can I still be a member?

54

I can only speak for myself, but I’d love nothing more than for a woman to ask me out. I certainly wouldn’t think less of her. On the contrary, I’d love the fact that she’s comfortable and confident enough to do that, not to mention that she thinks that highly of me.

55

Wintermute, I believe my brothers have said it well. I can only add that not only would the guy not think you were a slut, he would also need a friend to explain that you had asked him out, “You know, like a DATE.” Even then he might be unclear on it, but he might propose to you, too. It’s one of those risks you have to take in this crazy world.

56

Some friends of mine met that way. It worked. They’ve been together for 25 years.

57

To be fair to you guys, it’s probably women telling other women that asking a guy out means you’re a slut. And, other women would think that about a girl who asked a guy out. Women are catty, just in case you missed it.

Now, having said all that, let me also say this: I am a pretty straight-forward type of person. I grew up during the sexual revolution, and always heard women can do anything.

I had to learn the hard way not to call guys or be too direct or show too much interest. I’m definitely not a “Rules” girl, I hate that book and the stupid games, but they work for a reason.

I don’t mean to be insulting, but, in my experience, guys want to give chase and ‘win’ you.

I would be insulted if someone asked me, “You want to fuck?”, but I agree with the principle. And it shouldn’t matter which gender does the asking, but it does.

58

Some guys.

Surely all the evidence in this thread indicates that other guys are too dumb/shy to do this. Hence we, the dumb ones, are letting you ladies know that we need it spelled out with alphabet blocks.

59

why did the good stories stop? :slight_smile:

60

I’ll take my hints in 2 meter tall neon characters, please. I’m not sure I’m ready for the subtlety of alphabet blocks, you see.