I see a couple of posters have beaten me to it, but I’d just like to say, now you know what it’s been like for men since the dawn of civilization. 
No!!! Guys are always thinking I’m flirting with them I guess because I laugh and smile a lot and am not afraid of physical contact. I feel guilty about it when a normally shy guy gets the idea I’m interested and works up the nerve to ask me out. At the risk of bursting peoples’ bubbles and sounding conceited in the process, it is quite possible that that hot chick you remember was not interested in you. Hot chicks often have more self-confidence than other women, and that self-confidence manifests itself as flirtatiousness.
Here’s the flip side to your stories: Senior year of high school, a friend and I decided that this nerdy guy had the potential to be kind of cute, if he stopped being a nerd. It seemed like it would be fun to give him a thrill, and we were curious if that would bring him out of his shell and turn the frog into a prince. So we picked him to be in our group for a project and invited ourselves over to his house where we blatantly flirted with him. After the project was done, he called me up and asked me out. It hadn’t really occured to me that we were toying with a real person’s feelings until then. I’m not even sure what I said - I think I did something horrible like say yes but then not call him back. I hope I didn’t traumatize him; after all, that was his first interaction with a woman. If you’re out there, Kevin - sorry! Moral of the story: he’d be happier posting here about being too stupid to ask me out. Instead, he got his first rejection and probably didn’t trust his instincts about women after that.
What a horrible thing to do to another person.
Oh Christ ! I am going thru exactly the same situation… but I am the shy guy that is seeing Signs all over the place. If she actually came to me and said “no not interested” it would actually be a relief… 
Still she is very physical… very talkative of things like dating and kissing… even sex. No wonder I feel she is interested.
We are very good friends and it might spoil the friendship if I try to steal a kiss from her unwarranted (in her opinion unwarranted). Still… I would rather try it, and get rejected, than to hear years later her telling me she was in fact hot for me.
Chula… I suggest you do what a friend of mine told me… that if a girl wants to “say” she is not interested sexually speaking… she asks the guy his opinion on other men she wants to date. It puts off the guy pretty fast.
Yeah. Either that or he figured out what an immature bitch you were and moved on to someone more worthy of his affections.
C’mon, now. We all did stuff when we were teenagers that we regret as adults. It’s part of growing up. God forbid someone should dig up all the stupid/insensitive stuff you did when you were a hormonally crazed teenager and hold you accountable for it today.
That said, chula, that’s the sort of anecdote that maybe you shouldn’t share. Especially with the crowd in this thread.
Maybe you’re right, Miller, but I did say “were” not “are”. It seems like chula knows it wasn’t a nice thing to do, which is to her credit.
Still, when she said she was at risk of sounding conceited, she wasn’t kidding! “Hot chicks often have more self-confidence than other women, and that self-confidence manifests itself as flirtatiousness”? So basically, all the other women who have posted to this thread are “other women”, while chula obviously counts herself among the “hot chick” demographic. It seems as if the gist of her post was "Don’t any of you ‘normal’ people get any ideas about asking out a hottie like me! Otherwise I’ll have to shoot you down, and that will make me feel guilty. "
chula, if I’m reading too much into your words, I sincerely apologize. You could be the sweetest person in the world, I just thought you came off a little snotty in your post, that’s all.
Well, chula’s not posted a link to her pic in this thread, so we’ve no way of judging if she’s a hottie or not.
Lighten up guys… like you said yourself… who hasnt done something stupid before. I am happy Chula shared her story. Bad and Good. Women know very well how manipulated men can be.
<------Smiling.
I forgive ya. Remember though, I’m an Old lady, so I DO come from “the dark ages of dating” where we “had” to sit at home waiting for the phone to ring.
Anyway, my post and WinterMute’s (if I can speak for her) weren’t said in a “oh, feel sorry for me I’ve been turned down” way, but in a “here’s at least one reason WHY women ‘merely’ hint, give subtle signals etc” way.
Hope that makes sense.
Yes, I understand that part. And again, my post wasn’t a bid for sympathy, but an explanation for the question “why are women so subtle, why don’t they ask guys out”? Especially for those from my generation, 1.) We were taught that it wasn’t “ladylike”. 2.) that men would be turned off and think us “easy”.
Seems, based on posts of younger women, that that’s not so much true anymore. And believe me, my OWN boyfriend gave me hell lots of times during our first year or so together for not being MORE forward.
If the shoe was on the other foot, women, (generally, usual disclaimer applies of course) WOULD get hints, subtle signals etc for the most part.
Hey!! There’s an idea for ya!!! Start sending subtle hints and signals to girls that you’d like to ask you out.
Chula,
I don’t think it was a very good idea to post that little ancedote on this thread. Yes, there are a lot of immature girls out there who like to give out mixed signals (I like to say they’ve matured since high school, but I’d be lying probably) but telling a bunch of guys that the girl who was blantently flirting with them probably wasn’t interested is just not a very nice thing to do, not to mention making it harder on us girls who rely on flirting to signal interest.
What, you mean the ball-scratchin’ and spittin’ aren’t clear enough?
That would be my funny way of saying that, maybe guys are trying to send subtle hints, but they’re not making the translation? In other words, don’t expect guys to giggle and toss their hair to get your attention. chortle
Not that I know what I’m talking about, really. I was always as bad at sending hints as I was at receiving them. Nobody ever seemed to get my hints, which was probably my fault.
By the way, I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad for saying what you were saying about women being forward… just pointing out that humiliation has basically the same effect for either gender; it tends to discourage one from trying again. The feelings you were describing after being “shot down” have also been felt by every guy I know, including me. Maybe you can understand a little better why we’re not juimping at every little flirtatious touch or laugh.
And then there’s girls like chula… I’m not trying to pick on her, but she’s the girl I have in my head when I think someone might be flirting with me. I’m thinking “She might be flirting with me because she’s really interested, but she could also just be the flirty type, and she’s like that with everyone. Or, she might just be fucking with me (and not in the good way).” There you have the other reason why guys like me don’t always seem to catch on to flirting right away… we might be noticing flirty behavior, but past experience or plain old self-doubt is casting doubts on whether it’s real flirty behavior.
That said, seriously, nothing meant at all against you, chula. I’ve known girls who were naturally flirty with most of their friends before, and they were always fun to be around. A little confusing sometimes, but always fun.
Moral of my little story (which was much longer than I had intended): girls, if the guy you’ve got your eye on doesn’t seem to be catching or isn’t responding to your subtle hints, then its time to kick it up a notch. Try being not quite so subtle, or maybe not so subtle at all. There may be a host of reasons (in his head, anyway) why he’s not responding to you, but it doesn’t mean he’s not interested.
You took the words out of my keyboard ! Both regarding the flirty girls and the hints.
Girls like Chula are great fun to be around… but utterly confusing sometimes… we always think that just maybe today is the day she is really interested and not only friendly ! Men cant keep sex out of the equation ever…
As for the hints… some women are so cautious about it. As a gentleman I hate the notion of hitting on a woman who hasnt shown a modicum of interest. No Green lights means dont hit me as far as I am concerned. I might chat a bit… throw some charm… but rarely go ahead without some kind of stronger hint. (Yes I am bad at recongnizing them too).
lol, That’s okay, I didn’t take it as such. Just wanted to make sure my explanation was understood, it might help someone. Good points that men may be sending their “own” signals that, because they’re “male” we girls might not get.
(if a guy giggled and tossed his hair, I’d likely ask him to help me go shopping, or be my dance partner, but NOT my boyfriend!!! hehe).
That’s a good point, and though some think chula shouldn’t have brought it up, (at least perhaps not the way she did), imo, it’s pretty common for young women who aren’t quite sure of their OWN ability to attract and or figure out men etc, to act in such a way, not so much to “mess” with the man (though that’s an unfortunate side effect) but to “test out” their feminine powers so to speak.
Not a very nice thing to have happen I can imagine, if you are the man some girl has decided is “safe” but not boyfriend material.
Well in the end it would be nice if having casual sex and communication between men and women were way easier. When a woman can approach a male friend and request a good fuck with no strings attached…
hhmm… I know… keep on dreaming. Men are from Mars and Women from Venus.
Men and women are not merely on two different planets. They are on two different planets, in different solar systems, in different galaxies, that exist in different planes of reality.
Oh it’s true, it true
dwc1971: You were 24 and you hadn’t had sex in four years? FOUR FRIGGING YEARS? Jeez, that’s harsh.
My mate in Cincinatti hasn’t been laid in six years now, incidentally. But he’s ginger, so it’s understandable.
Sorry, Miller, if you feel I messed up your thread. I liked your stories. I just felt the need to counter the consensus that flirting = interested.
cuauhtemoc, yeah, I wasn’t as mature when I was 17 as I am now. At the time I thought I was helping him out. See, the main thing that separates the nerds from the studs is self-confidence, and I thought the flirting might help bring him out of his shell and realize his potential appeal to women. I’ve had a lot more experience with such things since then, and now I think I’m pretty sensitive to feelings of guys I turn down.
I don’t see any reason to pretend that looks don’t matter to people, and just about everybody mentioned how good-looking the girl in their stories were. Good-looking people simply do have an easier time when it comes to dating, and that success tends to breed self-confidence. At the same time, self-confidence makes people attractive. As for my conceit, I couldn’t possibly feel I’m better looking than people on this thread, since I don’t know what anyone looks like. It’s a little strange to have to explain to someone what I look like, since in real life people can judge for themselves. I don’t know if I’m good-looking and don’t really care; I believe our society places far too much emphasis on looks. I do put myself in the hot chick demographic (and any of you are welcome to join me!) based on the excessive amount of attention I get from guys and the frequent suggestions that I go into modeling. It would be silly and dishonest to pretend I’m considered average looking. I don’t fear being rejected by guys, so I don’t worry about them getting the idea I might be interested, so I’m flirty. Notice that I didn’t say that the guys I feel bad about leading on are not good-looking, I said they’re shy (i.e., lack self-confidence). Looks don’t have a whole lot to do with what makes a guy attractive, in my book. I am totally flattered when any guy asks me out; I just worry that some guys’ egos are too fragile to handle the rejection.
Thanks to everyone who let me off the hook so easily. I think I’d like to change the moral of the story: Ask the girl out, but don’t feel bad if she’s not interested. She was probably an immature bitch anyway.
If you were trying to come off as not being conceded chula, I’m afraid you failed miserably.