If clues were WMDs, I'd be Iraq

The BBQ Pit
101

Chula, besides ego inflating, practice and showing interest… why do women flirt ? :slight_smile:

Wow… Chula you certainly are something. You are pretty confident and a bit cautious at the same time. Even then you don’t seem to judge men for being too shy either. Some fragility present… but not evident. I would warrant that even if you were average looking men would be attracted to your more relaxed or open style.

Anyway I would like to start a motion asking for a photo of you Chula. Not that I need an image to “evaluate” you… but I certainly am very curious to give a face to the personality we know as Chula here.

Yours Sincerely,

Rashak Mani
PS.: Chula in Portuguese means vulgar or of bad quality. Thou its not much used in reference to people thou. Seems to be different in Spanish from what you typed…

102

oh… I forgot to remark.

Chula, some of these guys are really giving you a hard time arent they ? :slight_smile:

103

I think that’s a good moral. You said “Kevin” would have been happier posting here about never having the courage to ask you out, but that’s not necessarily true.

I wrote a long, heartfelt letter to the woman from the story in my post telling her how I’d felt about her all those years. We never spoke again after that. I guess she didn’t know how to deal with it. Am I sorry I wrote the letter? Hell no! Dropping that letter in the mailbox was the final step in my becoming a man. It was an act of affirmation. It said “My feelings matter, goddamn it! They’re nothing to be ashamed of, and I’m not going to hide them anymore!”

It also allowed me to see that this particular woman wasn’t what I’d imagined her to be. She didn’t have the guts to look me in the eye after I made my feelings known to her. I was disappointed in her, because I thought she was a more courageous person than that, but I’m certainly better off knowing the truth.

Come to think of it, my story wasn’t really about “clues” and “flirting” and a “hot chick”, it was more about an affair of the heart. But I think the moral still applies. If you’re a grown-up, and you feel a certain way about someone, shout it from the rooftops and damn the consequences! You won’t be sorry.

104

Damn, I’ve instigated a hijack of a perfectly good thread. Thanks for the psychological analysis, Rashak Mani, as well as for the compliment. I would rather retain my anonymity, but I’ll email you a photo if you’re really interested.

I wish I had known what the name meant in Portuguese. My Portuguese is both rusty and limited. Obviously I had the Spanish meaning in mind.

lezlers, I conceded I might sound conceited. :wink:

105

Your Welcome Chula,

Well your name is not that bad … thou quite innapropiate in my language… :slight_smile: I won’t mix up the meaning with the person thou. Your anything but ordinary.

As for the Hijacking... its almost impossible not to happen and it wasnt your doing !
106

OK guys, thanks for making my day. I’ve now been sat here racking my brains thinking back through my formative years trying to decide if I had a “How could I have been so stupid” story to add, and I’ve reached the following conclusion:

I wasn’t clueless.

It really was the case that nobody fancied me. :frowning:

Especially not the hotties. :frowning: :frowning:

Taking this along with the evidence that suggests that now that Mrs M is pregnant with the last child she intends to bear, I’m not going to be needing Spanky any more, I’ll have that meat cleaver and chopping board if no-one’s using it. :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:

107

I think that is unfair… spanky didnt get any action because you didnt get around to do it !

108

Actually Spanky got plenty of action in my youth, it’s just that most of it didn’t involve chicks, and certainly not hot ones throwing themselves at me. Don’t blame me, it takes two to tango (as if I should have to explain that to a South American). :dubious:

109

Well, I guess we know who doesn’t do vanity searches, don’t we? I’m sorry I didn’t get back here sooner. The thread is slightly hijacked, but I wanted to respond to a couple things.

Lezlers, I’m about 12 years older than you, so, yes, things have changed a little. But I don’t think things have changed so very much that “ballsy” is a compliment for a woman. And I thought the same thing about the age difference, but I asked my sister, who is your age, and she agreed with me (no, I didn’t load the question).

(btw, I grew up in Mendocino Co. Yay, CA!)

CanvasShoes, thank you. You covered things nicely.

Everyone else, I am a little uncomfortable here, because I don’t really want to be in a position of trying to defend behavior I don’t like or agree with. I really do think there should be a simple and clear marker or display that would be unambiguous. Like birds, or something. Everyone knows when a peacock is courting a peahen.

May I point out that my initial post was how clueless I usually am, when it comes to guys?

And I do feel for you guys. It’s not fair the onus is on you to ask. I also know that, as Chula so blithely demonstrated, there are plenty of girls who are cruel for whatever reasons. I do realize that, most times, if I guy is sitting around chatting you up, he’s either interested in you sexually, or he’s interested in your girlfriend (that’s usually the case, with me. I hate that.*) Guys don’t talk to women at a party or bar just to pass the time.

But, in my experience, the few times I have indicated serious interest in a guy, well, the nicest one was amusedly tolerant, as long as I worshipped from afar. Most just shut me down pretty quickly. You just never hear from them again. Granted, I was younger, but not by that much.

Now, maybe I was overshooting the mark, in terms of the guys I could get. But to tell you the truth; I don’t get sexually attracted to many people. Sexual availabilty is not one of the things I consider when I meet you. Oh, it’s probably there, buried in my sub-conscious, and certainly there are hormonal peaks that will make me sit up and take notice when a man walks in the room (especially if he’s tall. If you are over 6’, I definitely notice you on a visceral level.). But consciously, “Ooh, a man! Wonder if he’s single?” has never crossed my mind. I look at you as a human first, man or woman second. Which, I think, is the reason I am equally attracted to men and women.

So, if you flirt with me, and I don’t notice, it has nothing to do with you. I honestly don’t notice, and, if I did, I wouldn’t take you seriously. I like to flirt, too, so I figure it’s all in fun, because you couldn’t honestly be attracted to me.

One more thing. I am not a touchy person, so if I am touching you, that’s flirting for real. But everyone’s different.

Small, and not very flattering self-hijack: If you come over, chat me up and ask for my girlfriend’s number, I will lie. I will be as mean as I can be. I’ll get up and just walk off without another word. If I give you a number, it’s for the dog pound or something. Nothing pisses me off more.

110

That’s how I feel. In order to address the injustice, I refuse to ever again ask a woman out on a date. Ladies, if you want some of this, you’re going to have to ask for it.

[sub]chirp chirp… chirp chirp…[/sub]

111

Personally, I don’t see how guys do it. If I knew I was the one responsible for having to ask a guy out every time, well hell, I’d never date. I’m a wuss like that.

I never considered being “ballsy” a bad thing. Just means you’ve got courage. When it comes to the opposite sex though, ballsy I am not. I asked a guy to coffee once (via email of course, like I’m gonna do it in person and have to run off with my tail between my legs) and thought I’d die in the time it took to get a response. Of course when he said yes I felt like Mac Mama of the Century.

And Miller you obviously can’t take hints. :wink:

112

How repressed do you girls/women feel in relation to being free about your sexuality ?

There is always the impression that women hold back a lot… be it in the flirting… in asking out… in having sexual fantasies… and even within a relationship. We men tend to think women are less horny… but I feel that its not that much… that women repress themselves maybe.

Or maybe sex is just the sideshow for girls ?  Part of the package and not so important.
113

I sense you’re trying to tell me something…

114

Miller, don’t you live in Marin? That’s not far from lezlers… :wink:

115

Just giving you a little something else to wake up feeling stupid about in about 10 years or so…

116

I’m not sure I take your meaning.

:wink:

How you doin’?

117

I’m aight.

[sub]shuffles feet, akward pause, all that shit[/sub]

118

Cool.

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So… s’up?

119

So you see illustrious posters of the SDMB, sometimes knocking members of the opposite sex over the head with a 2x4 isn’t always in your best interest. It often leads to much feet shuffling, upward glancing, uncomforatable pauses and general desire to scurry away. If you’re the crafty type, you can try to diffuse the situation through humor and if you gots mad skillz you can possibly make it seem as if the whole thing were nothing but a covert social experiement to demonstrate some minor point that arose in conversation previously.

Ahem

So yeah. Pay attention when people flirt guys.

Lesson over.

120

You were just fucking with Miller to make a point - that’s cruel! :wink: I was hoping you two would hook up.