If equality within the couple was not possible, which would you prefer?

Don’t fight the hypothetical.

Assume that being of near equal intellect and pay/job status is not an option but you could be either the significantly smarter and/or better paid/better job status of the couple, or the lesser of each. Would you prefer a partner who is smarter and/or better paid/more job status than you, or to be the one who is?

Answer including your gender and your sexual orientation please.

Poll to follow.

Straight male, and I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass whether she was smarter or more successful (or if I was). I don’t score my life that way.

Straight Male here, if given such a choice I would rather be the more intelligent/successful individual in the relationship.

I’d prefer my partner was the more successful. He’d be better at it, I think. Plus, it’d be no fun to be with someone who would never challenge me.

Play or don’t play. Vote for an option or don’t vote.

If it would be exactly the same to you, just as comfortable and happy for you you and your perception of the relationship’s likely long term success either way, that is fine, but just like “none of the above” is not running for any particular office, none of the above is not a poll choice here. You can stay home rather than vote but if you go in the booth pull one or the other lever: the poll is based on a hypothetical of having to choose it to be one way over another.

Again, please do not fight the hypothetical.

I am going to go with your hypothetical, DSeid. But before I vote, may I ask for some questions?
[ul]
[li]Suppose one spouse makes $100k and the other makes $30k. Are you asking if I’d rather be the one making $100k? [/li]
[li]Or are you saying my income stays the same (as it is in real life), and my choice is whether my spouse makes substantially more or less than I do?[/li]
[li]Do you have an idea of what “substantial” l means? Or should I go with my own sense of what the word means?[/li]
[li]It looks like income and intelligence go together in the poll. Am I correct in thinking that my intelligence stays the same, and my spouse’s intelligence is either “substantially” more or less than mine?[/li][/ul]

Thanks.

Heh. Me, just the opposite. I’d prefer to “marry up” than “marry down.” If equality isn’t possible, I want a “better half” who really is the better partner.

Forced to choose, I chose me, because I would choose the security and chance for independence. But the other way around is fine, too.

Ehhhh… I am smart and want to be moderately successful. If that pushes my partner up into ‘rich supergenius’ territory, so much the better.

I’m not sure how to define the “successful” part. But I clearly would love to have a partner who is smarter than me. A partner who can challenge me, and help me become a better person is always the goal. So they can be as smart, or nearly so, but given the choice, I’d rather not be the much smarter one.

This is pretty much the way I look at it. If I get married to an intelligent wealthy supermodel and she gets married to me, I think it’s clear who get the better of the deal. And I’m counting on love to keep us together despite our differences.

It depends. Which guy is better in bed?

Straight male. While I’m around a lot of people who are roughly as smart as I am, I rarely encounter anyone who’s distinctly smarter. So it would be a real leap into the unknown to live with someone who was.

As far as being more successful professionally and/or better paid, I’d be happy either way there. My wife and I have never had huge differences in salary (except for a couple years early on while she was teaching full time while I finished my doctorate), but sometimes she’s earned more, and sometimes I have, and it’s been six of one either way.

Straight female. I’d like to make 100K and let him maybe work part time or at something he really wanted to. I don’t mind being the bread winner at all, and I know he wouldn’t mind either - he’d love it.

These things change as one goes through life. When we first were married The Wife was better established in her carreer and made quite a bit more money than I.

Fast forward thirty years and my paycheck and benefits are what allow her to relax and enjoy her life.

I may be more intelligent but she is smarter. She is also more outgoing and a genearlly nicer person. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I took the 3rd option. I’d have no problems at all having a smarter, more generously compensated husband, as long as he didn’t expect me to play 1950s housewife or treat me like a lesser being because of the differences. Of course, I can’t see myself wanting to have a friendship, much less a marriage, with a man who would behave that way.

During most of our married life, I earned more than my husband, only because of choices we each made in our lives before we met. Sometimes I think it bothered him, but I didn’t care who earned what - all income went into one pot and was doled out according to our budget.

He keeps telling me I’m smarter than he is, but I think he confuses a good memory with intelligence. I may have known that “Jellyroll Morton” was the correct answer in Trivia Pursuit, but he actually understands how to apply calculus to solving engineering problems, and he does it. I understood the theory, but never quite clicked on the practice…

In any case, the way a couple treats one another says more than who earns what or who has more educational credentials than the other. At least in my worldview.

Straight male and chose to have my partner be the smarter more successful, because for my entire adult life it’s been the opposite and for shits and grins would like to see how the other shoe fits.

You said it better than I could. Thanks!

I’m a straight female and picked “my partner” only because I cannot abide dumb and would never pick someone less intelligent than myself.

The only three women I have been serious about have all been smarter than me IMHO and two of the three (including the one I’ve been with since 1977/76) have been more successful in the conventional sense of the term. Put me down as first choice.