If I'm a virgin, how come I know what a girl's bottom looks like?

Today is the all-important “International Young Ones Day” (http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=131829860161899&index=1). What are your own favorite quotes and bits?

…:fies my soul?"


Neil’s letter to his bank manager (“Darling fascist bullyboy…”) is probably my favorite bit.


‘Vyvyan, Vyvyan, Vyvyan! Honestly, whenever anything explodes in this house it’s always “Blame Vyvyan”!’

‘“Do not lean out of the window.” I wonder why?’ WHAM

‘You can’t kill me! I’m South African!’

Mike: What’s that thumping?
Vyvyan: Oh, it’s probably Rick doing a bit of reading.


University Challenge (featuring Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry)

“Sleep causes cancer, Rick, everyone knows that.”

No love for Emma? She’s won an Oscar firgodsake. (That’s my favorite episode, too.)

“I’ve got a Porsche!”

Captain: Aged and toothless and bent old crone!
Crone: How’d you know me name?
Captain: We wish to engage you as ship’s cook and concubine.
Crone: Oh yeah? What’s a concubine, then?
Captain: It’s a small, spiky mammal.
Crone: No, that’s a hedgehog!
Captain: In that case we wish to engage you as ship’s cook and hedgehog.

“Open up! It’s the pigs!”

You’d be surprised how often that comes in handy.

Mike: Neil, it is very rare you interest me, but today you have. Why do you keep coming in here, carrying a cake, and saying surprise?

Neil: It’s my birthday.

Mike: Now you knew that anyway, and we don’t care, so where’s the surprise?

From the show “kids say the darndest things” with Art Linkletter- “Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” – Tom, age 5

HA! You missed both my legs!

Its a laugh isn’t it?

What is ?

That sound you make when you hear something funny.(Not exact words)

Far too often the song “Doctor Martens Boots” pops into my head.

“Who took my Biro!!”
“It was just laying on your desk, I thought you didn’t want it anymore.”

This gets my vote.

Right. Anyone tell the stiffie joke?

I don’t remember the words exactly but it was Helen (Jennifer Saunders) talking to Vyvyan:

Helen: My name’s Helen. Wouldn’t it be horrible if my last name was Back. Then my name would be Helen Back!..My real last name is Mucus.

Oh yeah, Harry The Bastard!

I can’t open the link in the OP, and googling “International Young Ones Day” gets me nothing.

Can somebody tell me what the hell this is supposed to be?

There was a site years ago that had all of the scripts. I saved the pages and the site was taken down eventually. I’ve just searched, and found this Flash page with the scripts.

HELEN: Promise you won’t laugh? [Mike nods] It’s Helen. [Vyvyan laughs, but Mike stops him] Sounds like the kind of name someone would give to someone who looks as if they’d been to Hell and back, isn’t it? [Vyvyan is really confused] It’s prestigiously embarassing. Still, at least my surname isn’t Back. It’d be awful, wouldn’t it? Helen Back. [pause] My surname is Mucous.