“Why can’t I be a Hobbit?!?”
“You just can’t. You weren’t born a Hobbit and you can’t all of a sudden lose 3 feet when you want!”
“That’s cultural imperialism that is! If your shire gets scoured it’ll be your own fault!”
By Sweet Willy
And in IMHO: “Why don’t Elvish women go for nice Hobbit men?”
“So there I was, standing next to the Emperor of the World at McDonalds, and I thought to myself, Hey! I should be ruler of the world!”
–Sauron–
“If I had the ring, and could do lots of powerful stuff, could I like fly around middle earth to make it spin backwards and make time run in reverse?”, mused Gandalf.
Superman with the Ring, by BZ00000
“No one,” said Gandalf, "every talks about what the elves have done to damage middle earth. Everyone always points the finger at Sauron and Mordor and the Orcs. Sure, the Nazgul aren’t perfect, but that’s no reason to ignore all the terrible things the elves have done. According to an Op-Ed piece I read in the Pellenor Street Journal, Sauron and the Nazgul are being viciously slandered by the elves and their liberal supporters. The elves expect the Valar to step in and solve all their problems. Mordor, instead, promotes policies that would let middle earth take responsibility for itself. "
“But Gandalf,” gasped Frodo, “the elves have had their failings in the past, but that was ages ago. Sauron seeks to completely dominate middle earth and cover it with darkness . He’s directly responsible for the destruction of Numenor!”
“I’m glad you agree with me,” said Gandalf.
*Editor’s note – This might be more fun if people have to guess who the “author” is so I’ll leave this unattributed for the moment. *
Magic rings do not exist, because magic does not exist. A ring cannot turn a person invisible, because invisibility cannot be achieved while the laws of physics are still obeyed. Until I learn about invisibility and/or magic rings in a peer-reviewd, academic journal, complete with science, cites, and more cites, then they don’t exist.
David B
[sub]Tongue firmly planted in cheek.[/sub]
I’m sorry, but there’s no real evidence that Sauron even exists. To expend so much energy, money and resources, and demand that I modify my behavior to conform to your irrational ‘belief’ in this entity is intrusive on my rights. I could as well say an invisible pink unicorn is the enemy of all elvenkind and we must throw the scepter of Annuminas at Mt. Gundabad in order to restore our world to purity.
In short, I ain’t buying into your dogma, Iluvatarian!
Iluvitarian
Member
Registered: 1699 S.A.
Location: The Relativistic Manifold
Posts: 132,345
You’ve set up a strawman, Qadgop. Withdraw your ridiculous assertion at once. You also fail to to cogently address my ontological arguments.
Rural-man 1: So there was this gold band, right? It made people be bad and then turned them into ugly people, right? So now this little ugly creature found it in some lake, ya know, and then it poof, turned him into some special effects thingy. So what i am trying to figure out is how that wizard guy was able to go to…like…that wizard guy with the pointy hat…yeah him! Well, he goes to this big city and then goes back to that bright place with the hobbits, ya know, in fifteen minutes. How does he do it? And also, there was that flashing eye near the end of the movie, right? So what did that one mean?
Rural-man 2: I dunno, wasn’t that movie the one where there was a big explosion or somethin’?
NOTE: It does happen in rural america people…trust me, i live there…
This quest is inane. In the future, please try to form a reasonably cohesive party, and think before you set out. I’m throwing your ring into the fiery chasm and closing down this thread.
Lord of the Rings by Coldfire
You obviouisly don’t know what you’re talking about. If you can’t even spell Mt. Doom correctly, how can you expect us to beleive that you’re an expert on destroying Pings of Rower? Maybe if you took some time to profread your posts, you could think about what you were going to say a little better. Remember, * preview is your friend[/i.
On my website I have posted some images of Mount Doom which contain numerous anomalies. I have not enhanced these images in any way, only enlarged them and in some cases enhanced the brightness and contrast so the anomalies will be more visible. These are very high resolution images taken directly from the palantir of Gandalf the White. Once you discern the anomalies in the enlarged images, you will easily be able to see them in the originals.
These anomalies clearly show that they are lying about the hobbits ever visiting Mount Doom. – Seethruart
“Did you hear that Merry? That was an insult, if you like” said Frodo as he shut the door on her.
“It was a compliment,” said Merry Brandybuck, “and so, of course, not true.”
“Well I thought she was a ^%^ with a &(###% and a ^&^$$ in ^*!@!”
I Have Issues by Banned
Guess what I have in my pocket? — handy
The party carried Boromir to the water’s edge on a bier made of branches. They laid Boromir in the elven boat with his elven hood and cloak folded besides him. Across his lap they placed the cloven horn of Gondor. There he lay in a cool looking suit and they put a big smile on his face. Lastly, they arranged his hand like a gun so that all who may pass may think he was saying “Gotcha Ya!”
For these were his last instructions. If his instructions weren’t to be followed, the party knew he would haunt their butts.
The Lord of the Bill – Wildest Bill
“I am called Strider,” he said in a low voice. “I am very pleased to meet you, Master - Underhill, if old Butterbur got your name right.”
“He did,” said Frodo stiffly. He felt far from comfortable under the stare of those keen eyes.
“Well, Master Underhill,” said Strider, “I would tell your young friends to ItShut up”.
“Fucko off”, replied Frodo.
Lordy of the Ringo by Malapropism
A Long-Expected Party
The Sackville-Bagginses, and Frodo happened to be paid for fame, there was still in Hobbiton. It will have the irresponsible the hopes of his eleventy-first birthday, but so far trouble will have the old folk might say, Frodo happened to call him well-preserved; it seemed to be celebrating his relatives except, ever since his oddities and trouble had not enough for, said Bilbo favourite, September 19 nd. It isn’t natural, there was also his relatives except, and the same birthday with his prolonged vigour to marvel at. Time wore on Mr. Bilbo one day; but it.
A party of the hobbits called the Hill at fifty. At that anyone should possess (apparently) perpetual youth as the Shire for sixty years, as (reputedly) inexhaustible wealth. It isn’t natural, there was very rich and unimportant families. But he adopted Frodo happened to grow up. You had been the Hill at Bag End was very peculiar, September 96 nd. It seemed to grow up.
But so far trouble will have little effect on, that the hobbits of it was young Frodo was full of it seemed to forgive him his money, was also his travels had brought back from his good fortune. He remained on, and excitement in Hobbiton.
The wonder of poor and it isn’t natural, was generous with his travels had no close friends, and as the hobbits called the same as at fifty. At ninety-nine he adopted Frodo happened to have little effect on Mr. Bilbo favourite, ever since his prolonged vigour to forgive him to be celebrating his travels had no close friends, as (reputedly) inexhaustible wealth. You had no close friends, that anyone should possess (apparently) perpetual youth as well as the irresponsible but so far trouble had been the same as (reputedly) inexhaustible wealth.
Lord of the Rings by the new, improved, AutoHink
(See, Mangetout, I can do it too. Only better. ;))
“Gentlehobbit well-spoken very pleasant is Mr. Bilbo”, like I’ve this always? the declared Gaffer. Truthfully perfect: for Bilbo he was very courteous to him, calling it to el “Master Hamfast”, and consulting it constantly on the growth of vehicles in the matter de “roots”, specially the potatoes, the Gaffer were recognized like the main authority by all in the vicinity (including).
“What on this Frodo that lives with him?” old requested Noakes of Bywater. “Baggins is their name, but he’s more than half of a Brandybuck, says. It beats porqué to me any Baggins de Hobbiton must go to look for a wife there in Buckland far, where people are so rare?”
Gentleman of the ring by fauxpas
“Gee, Frodo, is that a ring in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
Smeagol’s breath smells like ringfinger…
Ringfinger…Mmmmmm!