Yes?
The Rider looked at them with renewed wonder, but his eyes hardened. “Then there is a Lady in the Golden Wood, as old tales tell!” he said. “Few escape her nets, they say. These are strange days! But if you have her favour, then you also are net-weavers and sorcerors, maybe.” He turned a cold glance upon Legolas and Gimli. “Why do you not speak, silent ones?” he demanded.
“Let Gimli the Dwarf Gloin’s son warn you against foolish words. You speak evil of that which is fair and beyond the reach of your thought, and only little wit can excuse you.”
Eomer’s eyes blazed. “I would cut off your head, beard and all, Master Dwarf, but I must ride off to watch more on the Discovery Channel.”
“Get back here, you chickenshit!” shouted Gimli, as Eomer turned heel and galloped away.
I can’t heeear you by Susanann
The Ring Control laws here in Middle earth are the worst this side of Nazi Germany. Personally I think frodo and Samwise are deviants and will fail in their quest because of it.
- Susanann
I have a remarkable proof that middle earth is flat, but I’m two busy defending the Riders of Rohan in an orc slaughter case, so I’ll post it in a little while.
-Phaedrus
Galadriel has a FAT ASS!!
- John John / Cyberian54
The One Ring exists! It’s real, I tell you! There are hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of witnesses that can corroborate having seen it. They can’t all be wrong. And what about all that video footage out there? There are many videos, recorded by eyewitnesses, that show a strange, ring-shaped object flying through the sky. These videos frequently show the object performing maneuvers that no man-built aircraft could ever accomplish. It’s obvious. The government agents of Mordor don’t want you to know THE TRUTH about the One Ring!
– Krispy Original (nee Contestant #3)
From IMHO:
Which Fellowship Member Would You Like To Have Sex With?
(and Sam, on page 5, complaining that nobody mentioned him, as usual.)
Yeah, but Sam will kill him if he tries anything. <rimshot>
None other than Collounsbury’s nemesis December.
The Fellowship of the Ring, by Fenris
or, The One-Trick Pony Marching Chowderhead Society, Part XLVIII
Bilbo: I’m tired of being the town weirdo. Here Frodo, take my stuff. I just want to finish my book.
(later…)
Gandalf: I have travelled, gained knowledge, and meddled for a long time now. Trust me, Frodo, you are in danger. You must leave the Shire. Do not argue, for I am the wise one here.
Frodo: Um, okay.
Gandalf: My ultimate wisdom tells me that you should take Sam with you, so that he can watch your ass…
Sam: Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!
Frodo: Hush, Sam!
Gandalf: …and keep you out of trouble.
(Gandalf runs off to meet with Saruman)
Saruman: I must have the ring!
Gandalf: You can’t have the ring!
Saruman: I must have the ring!
Gandalf: You can’t have the ring!
Saruman: I must have the ring!
Sauron (through the palantir): I’ll take the ring!
Gandalf: In my abundant wisdom, I have just realized that you are a rotten bastard, Saruman.
Saruman: Less babbling. More telling me where the ring is.
(later, in Rivendell)
Elrond: Friends, Romans, countrymen. I have called you here to dramatically tell you about how Isildur was a total butt and ignored my advice to destroy the ring. So now somebody here has to do it.
Gandalf: My wisdom allowed me to escape the tower of the rotten bastard Saruman. I can hereby acknowledge that Elrond is right.
Boromir: The men of Gondor are awesome. We rock! You owe us, for keeping the bad guys at bay for a long time. You should give Gondor the ring.
Aragorn: I’m supposed to be king, you know. I’m the heir of Isildur.
Elrond: Yes, and did I ever mention that Isildur ignored my advice? He really was a jerk… ::: grumble :::
Gimli: Well, I’ve never met a problem I can’t solve by swingin’ me axe at it. ::: swings axe, ring is undamaged :::
Legolas: You know, it’s the dwarves’ fault for allowing the evil to creep back into the world. It reminds me of a song we sing in my homeland. ::: starts singing :::
Oh elvenkind in forest green
We frolicked in our wood so fair
Then came dwarves to lands unseen
With all their nasty facial hair…
Jack Dean Tyler: This is the One Foreskin…
Gimli: HaaaarrhhhhhH!!! ::: swings axe :::
JDT: Aaaaaahhhhhh!!! My precious!!!
Gandalf: Frodo, my wisdom tells me you’d better take the ring.
Frodo: Um, okay.
Sam: Master’s not going anywhere without me!
Elrond: Well, I guess you’d better stick to him like glue.
Sam: Oh, I’m liking this!
Frodo: Hush, Sam!
Elrond: Sam will obviously be a much more loyal companion than folks like… Isildur. Did I ever mention what that butthead did when I…
Gandalf: Wisely I say, we must be going.
Bilbo: Make sure you bring back more stuff that I can put in my book!
(later, in the Mines of Moria, after the fight with the orcs)
Sam: Why mister Frodo, you’re hurt! Let me kiss it and make it better!
Frodo: Not now, Sam! I’m okay. Stop unbuttoning my tunic…
Gandalf: There’s a big ass Balrog coming.
Boromir: I, like the rest of the valiant men of Gondor, will stand with you in defense against the foul creature. Perhaps you will come to realize that Gondor is your last hope, your last bastion of defense, your last…
Aragorn: Get moving, dammit! I’m going to be the king, anyways.
Legolas: Oh, woe, that the dwarves stirred up this foul demon!
Gimli: It’s not the dwarves’ fault, ya cheesebrained elf! ::: swings axe at stone column :::
Legolas: See, now the roof is collapsing… It all reminds me of a song that we sang when I was but 2498 years old, just a lad:
In ancient times, we lived so free
Our lands so fair, hearts filled with glee
But then the dwarves came tromping through
And turned the world into doo-doo…
Balrog: Ooga-booga!!!
Gandalf (to Balrog): Wisely I say to thee. You shall not pass. Go away! Scat! Begone! I am the secret flame or Anor, the supreme brain of Ragnah. I am the grand poobah of Ewok. I am the hoogly-moogly of Skredumple! Get away! Go back to the shadow, ya putz!
Balrog: Ooga-booga!!
Gandalf (falling): I must give you my wise council to turn around, face the exit, and quickly run in that direction ,so as to flee from this place…
Boromir: Well, at least we’re rid of him. He gave such bad advice. Now can we please go back to Gondor? … where all the men are valiant and brave, and we deserve the ring, and we rock! and…
Aragorn: and where I’m going to be king, remember.
(later, at Amon Hen)
Legolas: I sense a disturbance in the force. Or is that just Gimli, who hasn’t had a bath in weeks?
Gimli: You damn elf, stop blaming everything on me! ::: swings axe, decapitates orc who was sneaking up :::
(meanwhile)
Boromir: Now that we’re alone, let me read you this list I’ve been writing, titled “101 reasons why Gondor is awesome and you should give me the ring”
Frodo: Um, no. ::: leaves :::
Boromir (fighting orcs): Take THAT, for Gondor! And take THAT, for Gondor! THAT will teach you to mess with Gondor. And THAT! Huh! And THAT! You don’t have a chance against Gondor, because we’re all brave, and valiant, and amazing fighters, and… * THWAP * ::: gets struck by arrows ::: Oh, crap.
(back at the boats)
Sam: Are we leaving, Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: Um, yes.
Sam: Oh boy! Just you and me, together! And I can carry your things, and I can cook your meals, and I can rub your beautiful hairy feet…
Frodo: Hush, Sam.
Monstre, that was a thing of pure beauty, but this:
had me rolling.
Give Monstre a cookie, Fenris!
Gandalf, next time you come to the shire, bring pie
Written by Every Doper
** Can’t we all just get along? ** by Scotticher 
Thanks, Marlitharn – glad you enjoyed it.
I just hope it’s Fenris-worthy. 
:: Gives Monstre a cookie, per ** Marlitharn** ::
Seriously. That was great! I’ve got a cold and have been drinking tea and I splorted the tea at the JDT: “My precious” bit!
Fenris
Ooooh! So close! The correct answer was, “Who is Collounsbury’s nemesis, December?” 
I think he is an older Jewish gentleman from New Jersey. He is rather conservative, starts a lot of GD threads, and is the subject of a lot of Pit threads.
Do the Nazgul drive SUVs? Father_John thinks they do!
More importantly, are any of the Nazgul cute girls? If they are, would they date Ryan_Liam?