Aw hell, I didn’t even MENTION the purple hair, did I? :smack:
Dadgummit, where did I leave my teeth?
It’s probably not what you meant, but this makes it sound a bit like the kid did it to provoke a reaction. However, I’d be completely amazed if she even gave half a thought to the opinion of her parental units, one way or the other.
Really: Tats and piercings is just the way a lot of people look these days. It’s not about rebellion.
So you go get a tattoo you know they won’t be happy about and it’s on them to make you feel cared-for afterwards?
Doing things your parents disapprove of is not a great way to get closer to them.
I guess it would depend on what kind of job the person has or is trying to get . If
I thought the tat & piecing might be frown I might say something . I once say a woman in a grocery store, she was a very large woman and had two small pony tails on each side of her head . When she turned her head I saw she had her nose
pierced like a bull ! I wanted to say " MOO " so badly !
If they have $1,000 worth of tattoos on them they better not be asking me for rent money.
Just saying because I know they arent cheap.
I have no ink or extra holes. I don’t object to them, just never felt the desire. Possibly because I think mods represent an extension of the wearer’s persona, and I have no real clue who I am and so can’t imagine how to enhance something I already don’t understand. Being unmodified is probably my version of a tattoo–it says a lot about what I think of me.
On the rare occasion when I’m inclined to give a damn, I might ask someone for the story behind this or that particular mark. Further conversation usually turns on the story as opposed to the particular image or the quality of the work.
I didn’t buy the smoothie to piss my parents off-- I bought it because it tastes good.
rant
[spoiler]Whether they say “You know I hate smoothies,” or “Strawberry?”-- something has been said to address the fact that I knowingly consumed a smoothie even though they highly disapprove of fruity drinks. Which then opens the lines of communication regarding this matter to where we can both talk about our thoughts on smoothies-- take them into consideration, agree to disagree, and be done with it. Bury it. Move on. Feel comfortable addressing uncomfortable situations with one another. Closeness, transparency, forgiveness, understanding. Instead of pretending like the smoothie never existed.
Maybe I stop drinking smoothies in front of them. Maybe I stop drinking smoothies, period. Maybe they start drinking smoothies. Maybe I fail miserably at opening a smoothie shop. Maybe I succeed. The only thing that shouldn’t be a ‘maybe’ is whether or not I can confide in them regarding something small like smoothies, regardless of their personal feelings that we’ve already discussed and aired out.
I feel like “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” shouldn’t apply to close family members. Say something if it makes you uncomfortable and talk out the issues so it doesn’t snowball into something bigger than it should be. Chronic lipbiting syndrome, or whatever.
[/spoiler]
Like I said, she has a really good job that doesn’t seem to care about the body art. AFAIK, she has zero debt other than a possible small car loan. She’s living in an apt way under what she could afford. And she hasn’t asked me for any cash since she asked for help covering some cross-country relocation expenses - which I gladly fronted and which she promptly repaid as soon as the paychecks started.
Gotta say, she’s healthy, active, and our philosophical/social/political views are really on the same end of the spectrum. So the body art is small potatoes any way you look at it.
Gotta start prepping the salmon. I’m getting hungry!
It sounds to me like you are looking for a way to feel like you are being accepting while still expressing your disapproval.
Unfortunately, there is no way to be accepting without actually being accepting. It’s like asking “how do I be nice to this person and enjoy their company while still holding a grudge?” You can’t do it. You have to actually come to terms with whatever is bugging you and decide what to do with that.
If you want this to be your sticking point, that’s your right. But it sounds to me like you want to be able to respect your daughter’s independence.
That’s not going to happen until you actually respect her independence. You can’t let this go without actually letting it go.
I agree.
I can be quiet & look away… but if its put in my face and I’m asked, I’m going to give an opinion.
Picking a fight with your kid over inconsequential bullshit is always an option. Although that sounds more like something a kid would do than an adult. And I’m not sure what the payoff would be.
Another option is to just be a bit more zen about it. “Well, it’s not my style, but you look fine, I guess”, reasonably cheerfully (and then changing the subject) should work.
As the owner of tats myself, I think I would’ve said; “Wow! Looks like a lot of work went into that. You must be so proud of it.” and still be able to have kept a straight face.
Dinsdale, as a successful adult daughter of a parent who manifestly disapproves of most of my bodily adornment choices, THANK YOU for being kind and not bringing this up to her.
If you were open about your dislike of tattoos and piercings when she lived with you, please trust me when I say she has not forgotten your opinion.
She knows you don’t like them. The reason she doesn’t ask is that she doesn’t want to
A) force you to lie or dance around the truth
Or
B) flat-out say to her face that you find them unattractive and detrimental to her appearance.
That is the strongest clue I can see that she knows, and that she is just fine with letting sleeping dogs lie.
My advice: continue to love and respect her and her accomplishments, and continue to ignore the body mods. As she gets older, she may remove some or all of them, or you might get to the point where you’re used to seeing them, so they’re less objectionable simply because they’re familiar.
Heck, even my mom finally got to the point where she could joke about my continually non-human colored hair and funky styles. Only took her about 15 years, but she’s doing good! It would have been a lot nicer journey if she hadn’t spent the adjustment period making nasty comments, so there’s where you’re coming out ahead so far.
I’m not a fan of tattoos, but if someone wants one, I’m okay with it. The only time I’ve commented on one was this bargirl’s remarkably ugly tattoo on her upper arm. It was LARGE, some comically drawn goldfish and these weird lines crisscrossed over them, extremely poor workmanship. Trying to be sociable, I mentioned: “Oh, that’s a, um, nice tattoo you’ve got there.” She: “I hate it.” “Oh? Then why’d you get it?” “I was drunk.” It turns out that she’d been drunk AND 14 years old at the time she’d gotten it. It looked as if the tattoo artist had also been drunk. I can certainly understand the laws in some countries that require the receiver to be sober and an adult when getting a tattoo.
Many other tattoos I’ve seen here I could definitely have commented on but refrained. It’s fashionable for Thais to have English-language tattoos, but they don’t always consult a dictionary for correct spelling. I’ve seen another bargirl with a large English-language tattoo across her belly – a real tattoo, not fake – that said in all caps “SEX … NO … BABY”. Another one had, also on her belly: “Thank You Come Again.” Really.
The visit was very pleasant. Damn, I’m good with salmon!
No mention of the nose ring - which is really quite small. Could easily not notice in less than bright light.
At one point she jokingly said we had “Failed” because we hadn’t noticed her haircut. Actually, my wife had said her hair looked cute. I refrained from saying, “Since you are inviting comments on your fashion choices…”
She looked good and seemed happy. So that makes us happy. We’ve got enough family “history” and we all have enough personality issues that we don’t need to rely on something like body art to cause friction! 
I’d say, “Yuk.” and leave it at that.
Yeah, I meant it in the sense that if anyone comments negatively on a person’s tattoos or piercings the obvious answer is going to be, “So what? Why should I care what you think?”. There’s never going to be a positive reaction about it. I sort of reversed the normal order for my statement which makes it sound awkward on re-read.
Also, Dinsdale, I’m glad you didn’t open your mouth with the, “Since you are inviting comments on your fashion choices…” BS bit. That one’s definitely asking for an argument if you’d said it. You’re doing good.
As others have said, no point in saying something negative.
My mom’s comment was, “I don’t like most tattoos, but yours is really pretty!” Which was sweet. When she saw my navel piercing*, she just commented that she doesn’t “get” them because it seems they’d be uncomfortable with certain clothes. That’s it.
*long-gone, now
Sounds like you did good. 
I wouldn’t ignore it, but you don’t have to fake compliment or criticize it. I ask questions- “That seems new- are you happy with how it came out?”- there are ways to show interest in their life with out judging or being fake.