If one more person says/asks this, I'll scream (add your own)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
101

What’s your major?
Psychology. Theatre minor (I think, haven’t actually declared.)

(On hearing said major)
So you can figure out what’s wrong with us!
I’ve diagnosed you with the redunancy syndrome. As I’ve heard that line many a time.
Or-Then this is the perfect place for you! We’re all insane!
Let’s lock you up in the psycho ward, where you can’t get out and bother the populace anymore!

Gosh, you look like you’re 12,13,14 years old!
Yes, I drove here, and I can legally buy cigarettes. I’m short too, do you wonder how I saw over the steering wheel? (for the record, I’m 19)

(from one co-worker)
Can you do me a favor?
I wouldn’t mind doing you one every now and again. But every time I see you, that’s the first thing out of your mouth! NO! No more favors!

Curse you all!

102

So, are you two identical twins?

Yes, as a matter of fact we are twins. What tipped you off? The fact that we look EXACTLY alike? Or that our parents still get us wrong sometimes???

Oh, and this one -

You went to Michigan State? Did you know so-and-so?

Yeah, me and 44,000 other people went there every year. Whadda YOU think? :rolleyes:

My brother’s mother-in-law (a wonderful person, by the way) says it’s our curse in life - the trade off for being in the top 5 percentile is having to put up with the other 95% of idiots.

103

Do you play basketball?

No I absolutely hate basketball. The only time I ever played it was in gym class and hated every minute of it.

Your so tall!

Yes I’m 6’ (well 5’11 3/4") of course I’m tall. Yes I can reach things but I can’t wear heels because I feel too tall then and I hit my head on stuff.

You’ve grown!

Of course I’ve grown. I haven’t seen you since I was around 4 or 5 if I haven’t grown then there must be something wrong with me.

What are you going to do next year?

Well I still don’t know about what I plan to do with my future but I am thinking. That’s all you need to know. Despite being 18 and just finishing school now because I screwed up before doesn’t mean I need to tell you all my plans for the next few years.

Are you alright?

Yes I’m perfectly fine. Do you always ask everyone who isn’t all peppy and perfect all the time that? I have every right to be grumpy or tired or not perfectly happy if I wish. If I wasn’t in a bad mood before now I am cuz of your annoying question. No I don’t need a hug I just need to be left alone.

You never go out with friends. I worry about you because of it.

Oh I’m sorry… I’m introverted I never realized I had to go out every single evening of the week. I am busy with school, work, volunteering and sometimes going out for fun. I need my space and free time. Unlike some people I don’t thrive on being busy I thrive on being quiet and reading and just relaxing.

You sleep so much!

Compared to you of course I do. My body likes having lots of sleep 9 hours is always nice but I rarely get it so on the weekends I love to sleep in and make it up. Otherwise I’m going to call in sick sometime about Wednesday/Thursday so I can get the hours I need.

Go to bed earlier. You’ll be able to wake up on time then.

Wow what an amazing thought… I’m sorry I tried that a long time ago (and still do sometimes) Unless I’m really tired I never get to sleep before 11ish and even when I set my alarm it is hard to get me up in time for school. Even when camping I sleep lots! I may get up a bit earlier then I would at home but it’s still around 8/9 am, not sunrise.

You could use to lose a few pounds.

Oh yes I know that… but you see I inherited these lovely fatty genes from my Mom… I’m just lucky to be tall enough that is hides more. I have been getting in shape… biking, running, eating less and healthily. Even then I weigh a fair bit. If I had my brothers metabolism I would be perfectly happy.

Is he your boyfriend?

Uh no he’s my brother younger than me by four years… yes I know he looks about 18 but he really is only 14.

I think this is about enough for now…

104

I feel your pain. I was also a psych major, and I got those questions, and more. People used to describe relatives/friends/neighbors of theirs who had (in their opinion) quirky behavior, and ask me to analyze them. :rolleyes: I also have an uncle who would tell me about his therapy sessions, and describe his disorder (he’s bi-polar) in great detail, as if I’d be ever so grateful to be getting “real-life experience.” He has a lot of other qualities that are obnoxious, but that one was the worst.

105

I love you. Thank you. Nobody seems to believe that there is a mood between “pissed off” and “unnaturally happy” and it’s called “I don’t give a flying fuck either way”.

106

Guess what?

I’d rather eat clamshell mush than taste my own cooking for another night!

107

Huh? Truly, I have no idea what it means to “turn a Blizzard upside down”. Are you referring to snow globes? A little context would be helpful here.

108

He’s refering to an ice cream concoction made by Dairy Queen [i think]. They’re very thick and yummy. If it falls out of the cup, then something’s off with the mixture or the machine.

109

Oh, he’s my roommate.

Ah, well, is he your roommate, or your …roommate?

Well, let’s see. I’ve been out in my whole life since age 16, I wear a pride necklace and/or T-shirts that say things like “2Q2BSTR8” on a daily basis, I have gay quotes and politics on my website, I ran the gay club at my school, I ran for parliament as an openly gay candidate, I even wear two frickin’ earrings in my right ear, so of course I’m so closeted that I’d refer to my lover as my roommate, and I’m shocked you figured it out.

110

  1. Wuzzzup?: I have to question the sanity of anyone who quotes beer commercials.

  2. Nowumsane?: It took me a dozen times before I figured out what this meant.

I’m engaged to marry a young Filipino woman this summer, as soon as she gets a visa. The following are the most annoying questions/comments I get.

  1. Don’t you think you’re a little old for her?

Wow! You know, I never realized that I’m 20 years older than she is. Thank you so much for pointing this out. I’d better call her and see if she realizes this. Maybe she thinks I’m 18, too. But now that I think of it, maybe I’m to tall for her. Or too pale for her. Or too near-sighted for her. Good god, why didn’t we discuss these things before we got engaged?

  1. Are you sure she doesn’t just want to come to the United States to get a green card?

Come on, do you flatter everyone you meet like this? Yes, I am such a repulsive loser that the only way I can get a woman to marry me is by paying her off with a sham green card marriage.

  1. I’ve heard that a lot of Filipino girls end up as prostitutes.

You’ve figured me out! I plan to put my wife out on the street the second she gets that green card.

  1. Couldn’t you find an American girl?

Yes, of course, I’m a loser who had to find a wife overseas, and had to buy her from her dirt-poor family and bribe her wih an illegal green card. Little do they know my real reason for bringing their daughter to the US. (See answer to #3)

  1. She’s really dark!

Gee, a dark skinned person from a tropical country. How common can that be?

111

You don’t look like a pilot

OK… and just what is a pilot supposed to look like? 6’4", blond hair, piercing blue eyes, tanned, male? Gee, I am so fucking sorry that I am 5’3", brown haired, green eyed - if you can see 'em behind the thick glasses - white as a ghost (I don’t tan), and female.

They let people with glasses fly planes?

Naw… us four-eyes just fake it real good.

Your husband lets you do that?

I didn’t ask his permission. I just went and did it.

After seeing me drag an airplane into or out of a parking spot or hangar by myself** Wow, you’re really strong for a girl - are you a dyke?**

Right - it’s completely impossible for a heterosexual woman to lift anything heavier than a kleenex on her own. I’m a dyke but I keep it secret by being married to a man and having sex with him instead of women :rolleyes:

Wow, you’re really strong for a girl - do you take steroids?

No, dipstick, I just exercise a lot. Do you take stupid pills, or do you come by your lack of intelligence naturally?

I am tempted to stay here and keep venting but the weather looks good and I told someone I’d give him a ride if he met me at the airport this morning. Maybe I’ll be back later

Maybe you’ll be back? You’re not gonna crash, are you?

No, but if I did, at least I wouldn’t have to listen to morons like you anymore

112

Ah, so you used to live in California - earthquakes scare me - aren’t you afraid it’s going to fall in the ocean? :rolleyes:

Masterson eh? Are you related to Bat Masterson?
Yup, I am.

You’re meeting someone over the Internet!? How do you feel about meeting someone you don’t know? | have never met before??
Uh, just 'cause the sensationalist newsfolk implicate that all people on the net are freaks and perverse weirdos doesn’t mean they really are. You’ll roughly find the same ratio of smart people to dumb people, nice people, idiots and assholes that you’ll find in real life. :rolleyes:

Wow, you have big feet/hands
You’re very perceptive, keep it up.

Don’t you know smoking is bad for you?
It is? I wasn’t aware of that. Thanks for telling me, jackass.

Oh, I play guitar too [insert bragging about being able to play three chord song]
That’s nice. But just because you can strum a few chords doesn’t mean you can actually play the guitar. Run along.

113

You’re not Native American. You don’t look it (sorry the Russian genes took over).

I always see you walking. Why do walk so much (Exercise?)

How do you eat that and stay so slim (see above).

Your birthday’s December 25? That’s Christmas (Only if you’re a Christian).

You don’t have any religion/insurance? You have to have religion/insurance (Is that a law?)

Don’t you want just one little drink (I said “NO.” I’m an alcoholic).

You don’t want meat. You need to eat meat (not if it makes you very ill).

You’re a vegetarian. But this is fish (Fish is not a vegetable. And I hate fish. Even if I ate dead animals, I would not eat any fish).

114

  1. What natinality is your last name? (I thought the “van” in fron might give it away)

  2. your oldest sister is deaf, do you know how to sign? (nope, in the 25 years I have known her, I never bothered to learn to communivate with her)

  3. Your sister can drive, but she is deaf? (Yeah it’s pretty hard ta wrap your brain around it, no? Don’t worry she only drives when we let her out of the back bedroom)

  4. You were in the army, are you a dyke? (Nope, I am straight)

  5. You were in the army, did you learn how to shoot guns and stuff? (No, actually instead of using rifles and stuff, we now used elastics and paperclips)

And the number one question (my first name is also the title of a song no fewer that four songs)

  1. Your name is…? Have you ever heard that song…? (no, you brainiac, you really are the first one to think of it)
115

Because Wright doesn’t sound like it could be spelt with an R.

You look like Rachel Leigh Cook.
I get this almost every day, and truth be told, I really don’t think I look like her–that much anyway. I wish she would stop making lame-ass movies so people would stop bothering me.

So, you’re bi-curious, eh?
No. I’m not curious. I’m quite confident in my sexuality. I’m bi, plain and simple. Yes, I’ve had sex with girls, No, I won’t describe it in detail.

How do you pronounce your last name? Is that Polish?
No, It’s Ukranian.

You must be pretty smart. I can tell by your glasses.
Where did you get your glasses? I like your glasses. Can I see you without your glasses? I think I should get glasses like that, too. hey! You know who you look like?
Sometimes I think about jumping out a window…

116

Annie X-Mas…

About the Native American thing-I get that too.

I’m Cherokee,German, and French and I am the poster chlid for recessive genes. I’m green eyed,very pale skinned and my hair color is naturally dark blond-as stated before I dye it red,very dark red.

117

I’ll just share one from George Carlin as he sums it up better than I ever could.

People who agree by saying, “I hear that!” Great! Are you recieving me visually as well?

118

You’re vegetarian? I love to eat thick, rare, juicy, bleeding beefsteak!. (Oh, that’s so original and witty of you. 'Scuse me for being bored instead of impressed.)
You’re vegetarian? But how do you get enough protein? (Newsflash, dimwit: Plants have protein. Deal with it.)
My cousin Murgatroyde is “vegetarian,” and she eats chicken and fish, so you must too. (AAAAAARRRRRGGHHGHGH!!! [tearing hair out]).

I speak for my millions of vegetarian sisters & brothers with the last three. But this one is personal to me:

Where are you from? I’m a native of Cleveland, Ohio. No, I mean, where are you really from? You don’t look American. (Oh, and just what the flaming heck is “American” supposed to look like? The USA is a combination of people from all different continents. Newsflash, numskull: “American” is not synonymous with “blond-haired, blue-eyed, pink-skinned.” Damn, I hate that assumption!)

I thought you were from Afghanistan? (Huh? Honestly, I can’t figure this one out. I know several people from Afghanistan, and I swear I look nothing like them. I have not a drop of ancestry from Afghanistan or any nation anywhere near it. But every doggone person I meet says this to me!)

119

Oh yes I get this one a lot, mainly from family. I come home from a full day at school then work and get some food, sit down and eat while reading the paper. I’m tired I’m not full of energy and don’t have the energy to smile… the first thing out of my Grandparents mouth is “You alright? You don’t look happy.”

I often go quiet and introspective… well when I’m with my aunt if I go quiet on her she asks me immediately if I’m okay. Mainly it is cuz she says I remind her of her… well she had a nervous breakdown and problems and stuff so she seems to think she can help me avoid this by making sure I’m fine. I am fine! I don’t need to be asked that everytime I see you. I am not exactly like you my life is coming together once again now that I’ve gotten over the whole depression thing. Now let me be myself!

120

Wow, we should trade. I have an unusual last name, but when I start to spell it, I get people snapping at me saying You don’t have to tell me how to spell it!

Oh, I see! You mean I don’t have to tell you how to spell it correctly. Please feel free to spell my name however you think it looks the best to you. This happens so often that I know the top five common misspellings so I can ask the guy at the customer service center to check all of them. K-U-Z- , no? Try C-A-Z-? No? Ok, try K-A-S- … oh you have that? Yes, that’s me. Yes, I would very much like you to change it in your records. It’s spelled-- oh? You don’t need me to spell it? Oh, ok. :rolleyes: