Whenever I wanted to make a point with my boss and make sure that is was gonna stick, I’d get one inch away from her face and breath so hard that her hair would blow back. I would raise my right eyebrow clear up to my hairline and flex my pecs as well.
I would have some great theme music that would cue up every time I walk into a room. And I’d have such an awesome body that, eventually, I’d guest star on Baywatch.
It would be acceptable for the CEO of a 1/2 billion dollar publicly traded company to force women to strip down and bark like a dog on national TV
When our parents would refuse to turn over the family business, we would simply invade their offices with our freinds and take over
Football, baseball, hockey and basketball players would drink beer and give the other team the finger during the game; if that didn’t work they would drive a monster truck onto the field and try and run them over
Instead of being interviewed by Jim Grey, athletes would insult him, tell him to shut up, and grab the mike and cut promos
While addressing the nation, President Bush would be attacked by Osama bin-Laden with a chair, setting up WrestleMania
Contract negotiations would be decided with a “ladder match”.
Flight attendants would pummel passengers who got obnoxious during a flight, followed by one or the other being physically thrown out of the aircraft door.
My level of job performance would be determinted by how many belts I’ve won in the past year. Also by how well I’m able to escape from the “Russian cross-over leg-lock”, how quickly I can recover from the “Brazillian Brain Buster” and how effectively I can apply my signature finishing move, the “Grizzly Grip”.
My son would follow in my footsteps and, in time, would inherit my ring-name, “Grizzly”. He’d wear the same mask and tights that I did and would ultimately change his ringname to “The Eternal Grizzly”.
Political figures would have to prove their worthiness in the ring. Wearing flashy costumes, shaving one’s head and having served in the Navy Seals would be pre-requisites. We’d start with something small… say, having one of ours become mayor of a small northern city, then move up to governor of, oh say… Minnesota. All the while, retaining the same type of cockiness and self-centeredness that made such a great presence in the ring.
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.<oh, wait… scratch that last one…
it’d never work.>
When I showed up to work and got out of my car, I’d frequently encounter violence before even entering the building.
The early part of my day would be taken up with minor grudges, but the last part of the day would settle the major scores.
I might be slugged by celebrities. I might get to slug celebrities.
I know a certain unpleasant bookkeeper/co-worker who’d get the “stinkyface”!
During manager’s meetings when things got especially tense, I’d blade for effect.
The most electrifying move in managerial entertainment: The People’s Pinkslip!
“To be the weekend manager you’ve got to beat the weekend manager!”
Every few months, just when things started to get boring, I could get a new gimmick.
Annoying neighbor whose dog barks all night would think he had thrown me over the ropes, but I would have caught them and flipped back into the ring. Meanwhile he would be looking the other way and smiling at his ringwormed mutt and then he’d turn around and have a priceless gaping look of shock as I dropkicked him into his swimming pool.
When we beat the competitor store down the street in monthly sales, they’d have to cut off all their hair.