I was trying to lighten things up with my previous post. But this whole situation is a real problem. Your neighbor has serious issues. Is there ANY chance of an intervention? Could it conclude with a written request that ends with “Do Not Feed. EVER.”? Does she have a spouse or kids that you could include (or enlist help from… behind her back if necessary)?
I’ve heard stories from friends who get food pushed on them… often involves a relative trying to prove that there’s love or a relationship between them. One story was from a college “study abroad” student. She was hosted by a family in Eastern Europe, and they spent a whole semester refusing to believe she was vegetarian and kept piling her plate with meat.
But your neighbor’s tenacity paired with obliviousness is hard to believe. I hope she can realize what she’s doing. Keep us posted.
I’m also grateful for that fad as it’s led to the development of a wide range of prepared foods catering to that market,which is helpful for me. No, I’m not allergic to gluten, or afflicted with celiac disease, but the stuff does give me headaches, stuffed-up sinuses, and overall coming-down-with-a-cold queasiness.
Why? Intolerance? Sensitivity? Evil wizard baker’s curse? Damned if I know, but having figured out what was making me feel crappy and discovered how much better I feel without ingesting that stuff has been a blessing, and being able to find GF crackers, breads, etc. at the supermarket, or just say “Gluten-free, please” in restaurants, for example, and have it accepted as a matter of course without having to explain makes life so much easier.
Forcing food on someone who’s told you they can’t eat it is stupid, rude, even sadistic. As for slipping in the forbidden item to “prove” it’s not a real problem but just fakery, well, that’s downright criminal.
Yup, those of us with sensitivities rather than actual life-threatening allergies can occasionally cheat if we’re prepared to accept the (nonlethal but still real) physical consequences. So on rare occasions I will have, say, a cup of lobster bisque, or a beer (but wouldn’t risk a croissant, much as I miss them), normally in the privacy of my home, alone, knowing full well I will pay for it in a few-hour bout of feeling crappy but not become seriously ill.
Which is why, if questioned on why I’m GF, I’m careful to point out that I am NOT claiming an allergy or celiac disease; that no, I dunno why food X bothers me but it does so life is just better to avoid it. Fortunately the people in my life are all cool with respecting that level of explanation without demanding (a) any further explanation, or (b) that “Oh, go ahead, try it; you’ll be fine, you’ll love it!” They’re also the kind of people who wouldn’t dream of pushing food on someone who simply doesn’t like it, no health issues involved.
Well, how long of a post do you want me to generate?
Yes, I suggested it.
She is a widow, her kids live several states away, and about four months ago the house she was living in burned to the ground and she lost nearly everything. Which is how she wound up where she currently is. Even though she was physically unhurt I suspect that mentally she is not doing as well as she tries to make people think she is, which would account for some of the behavior as well as some of her bouts of drinking.
Haven’t seen much of her lately - she does have a long-term boyfriend so maybe they’re spending a lot of time together.
You know, DSeid, I finally figured out why your posts have been feeling off-rhythm to me here. It’s like you’re trying to analyse this situation as a problem that needs a solution, and trying to find a solution for me.
I didn’t come here for a “solution” or an “answer”. I came here to blow off steam.
I can’t fix what’s wrong with my neighbor and attempting to do so will only likely aggravate her or me or both. Not all problems have solutions, and not everyone talking about a problem wants you to fix their life.
Bitching here often keeps me from bitching at people in real life, where the bitching is more likely to be harmful than helpful. In other words, I don’t need a fix, I just need someone to listen. That’s all. No work required on my behalf.
Honestly my initial comment was not problem solving, for her or you. No work offered. As presented in the op the woman seemed to be of good intent albeit dense and stupid, intended no harm and caused you none either. (Okay subsequent posts inform of the harm of waking you up, but that is really a separate issue from the food item per se.) It just seems pretty molehillish.
I don’t play in The Pit much but when I do, if a cause for a Pitting seems a bit weaksauce I’ll say so, even if, really especially if, it is outside the groupthink (“me too” and “I agree” posts are more often not worth making), and get not at all bothered by suggestions regarding my sex life, untrue claims of being owned by a horse, or other very uncreative and boring insults. Really what happened to posters here at least putting some creative juices into their insults?! My dog has created piles of turds with more creativity and that don’t stink so bad.
And the other posters’ over the top portrayals of this woman’s stupid but (other than interfering with your needed early bedtime) ultimately harmless and well-intended behaviors as a “trespass”, “assault”, even as “attempted murder”? Wow. That’s some seriously disturbed thinking.
Posters vent here expecting affirmation. You got it mostly. Some here sound like they think the woman should be horribly punished for her horrific crimes against you. Not all Pit threads go that way.
One voice off of the affirmation rhythm just honestly sharing that he doesn’t get the big deal? Better than many Pit threads go.
DSeid, you’ve time and again made it sound as if you believe it is Broomstick’s DUTY to make her neighbor feel better.
From the bottom of a heart which spent 33 years turning itself into pretzels for someone who didn’t deserve it:
KISS
MY
ASS
Broomstick is not responsible for her neighbor’s happiness. But you’re definitely responsible for being a jackass. Get off your high horse and eat it. Raw.
Nope. Do not believe she has any obligation to make her neighbor feel anything or to help or to challenge that neighbor in any way. And don’t especially care that she is so annoyed. That’s her problem to solve or not.
Your past pretzel turning may be something you should get some therapy for if you have not already.
Not into analingus in any case and highly doubt that yours would appeal what with you being so full of shit. I will have to decline your offer.
Unless you mean a different sort of ass? In which I am still not interested but that high horse of mine, she might be at least interested in just coffee to start. Who knows where it might lead. Could be a mule in the future!
Well it is not the most exciting discussion and I honestly have been mildly perplexed to amused by the very strong reactions to my posts and the number of people who think that grave crimes have been inflicted upon our op. But you included the bit about oral allergy syndrome and that, independent of this thread, is very interesting and something that people should know about. Allergy testing can come back negative for the foods that cause the reactions and awareness of the condition and of which foods more commonly cross react to which pollens is needed along with a good history. doreen’s observations are right on the money too. It can be avoided if the foods are cooked or canned or sometimes even just peeled.
But thanks for sharing!
(No question that one has to be bored indeed that one spends their time cutting and pasting multiple posts to say how bored one is with no contribution or even zinger to make… maybe you should read a book or stream a show? Or start a more interesting thread!)
I’m a bit lost now. Who is owned BY a horse? Can I sign up? I always wanted my own pony as a child; this seems close enough.
Broomstick, is she knocking on your door? If so, don’t answer. Do not open. (Doesn’t help you being woken up, granted. That does indeed suck donkey balls.) I’d play YouTube of the most disturbing audio I could find, cranked up to 11 placed right at the door every time she knocked (nothing that sounds like she needs to send cops over on a wellness check!! Try the “game of thrones” theme by screaming goats, for starters) but yeah, I’m bitchy like that. Maybe you’re just a nicer person.
Or maybe have goats scream the GoT theme at her whenever she knocks.
Or just vent to us. SOME of us will listen, without offering useless suggestions.
Me? Nah. I’ll suggest goats, because hopefully that made you smile.
You say you want rational argument, but here you are engaging in ad hominem and appeals to emotion. None of this is rational.
You admit that the woman got insulted because Broomstick was not accepting of her gift. That means she is no longer thankful. Her insistence is now about correcting that wrong and forcing her to accept the gift.
She does this by repeatedly coming over to Broomstick’s house when she is unwanted. That is by definition trespassing. If someone has told you that you are not welcome on your property and they come over anyways, they are trespassing.
The definition of harassment is also relevant: Harassment, under the laws of the United States, is defined as any repeated or continuing un-consented contact that serves no useful purpose beyond creating alarm, annoyance, or emotional distress. The description clearly fits. She is repeatedly engaging in un-consented contact that serves no useful purpose other than annoyance.
My claims are factually true. You can’t rebut them, so you attack my personal mental health. That is a morally repugnant action.
Your claims about anger are just completely fictional. People do not choose how they feel. People have to learn to accept their feelings,and not try to control them. That’s basic mindfulness and third level cognitive behavioral therapy. You’re addressing people in this thread who have actually been in therapy and know what we’re talking about.
As for anger: if you can simply choose not to feel it, and never continue it, then why have you expressed anger multiple times in this thread?For example, the ad hominem I already mentioned. Attacking someone by saying they have a mental issue is an act of anger.
It sure seems to me that you don’t have this choice not to be angry. You suppress your anger, and it comes out even when you’re not trying for it to. You’re clearly trying to portray yourself as infinitely calm, per you statement that you don’t waste time being angry.
I tried to give you some leeway, saying that sometimes it is best to just calm down. But you attacked me over that, too, calling my lecture “cute.” Your response to me was full of angry. But you say you can simply choose not to be angry.
That just isn’t how it works. Emotions persist. And you can continue persisting in your ignorance, or become more introspective.
Either way, if you engage in this behavior again of belittling the legitimate concerns of others with irrational bullshit, you will be called out again. Maybe you won’t listen to logic and reason, but you’ve admitted that you don’t bother when it takes too much energy.
You aren’t being attacked for being different. You’re being attacked for your jerkish behavior.
Your kindly neighbor sounds passive-aggressive to me. You TOLD her you were deathly allergic to many foods and asked directly but politely not to cook for you…and she does anyway. She knows you get up very early for work but continues to pound on your door in the evening. Translation: Don’t you tell ME what to do!
Two thoughts:
Ask her to “pay it forward” by giving food to another neighbor. If she’s a bad cook…does D’Ancona live anywhere near you?
Tell her your doctor has put you on strong sleep medication, and you won’t hear her if she knocks after 7 PM. She may try a time or two, but surely she’ll stop then. If not, you could try pounding on her door on your way to work. “Just wanted to remind you I can’t eat most foods!”
And WTF is it with her dropping in? Who does that today? The modern rule of etiquette is to call first.
Well, in my own kitchen it’s a lot safer. Which is why I like to eat in my own home a lot of the time.
The local Jewish community is talking about inviting me for Passover seder and I’m trying not to be anxious about it. On the other hand, the fact I have a restricted diet is well known there and if any random person is going to be good at avoiding cross-contamination “someone who keeps kosher” is probably high on the list. “I have to avoid tomatoes like you have to avoid pork - in any form or amount down to microscopic” “Oh, OK.”
Anyhow, back when I used to fly homebuilt airplanes people would ask if it was dangerous. Well, sort of, but really, I would say, the most dangerous thing I do is eat in restaurants. Which in my case is the truth.
Yeah. My mother-in-law had tendencies like that. On the other hand, my mother-in-law lived several hundred miles away, not downstairs, so when we had enough of each other one of us went home.
I did try the “pay it forward” thing, which I’m a big fan of. Didn’t seem to work.
She’s in her late 80’s and still thinks it’s 1955?
I’m trying to think if I’ve ever heard a more impressive insult, but even some of Monty Python’s better attempts fall short.
Sam-I-Am is a genuinely appalling character. Seriously, WTF was Dr. Seuss thinking? The real moral of this story is that it’s OK to refuse to take ‘No’ for an answer, no matter how frequently, and how politely but firmly, the ‘No’ is given.
I had lots of pollen allergies at 14. In the intervening sixty years they mostly of faded out. I still get red eyes in the spring. Never had problems with fruit other than cantaloupe. I like more fruits than I dislike. The cantaloupe thing has remained more or less the same.
Tris
Cherry pie. Always was my favorite replacement for birthday cake. I don’t much care for cake.
