I well remember, back in the day when you got meals on flights without having to pay for them, flying from Toronto to Vancouver early one morning. It turned out that we had a choice of two breakfasts: scrambled eggs or an omelette.
Now, I cannot eat eggs. I was allergic to them as a child. Nowadays, I can certainly eat things prepared with eggs as an ingredient (cakes and breads, for example), but the typical breakfast, where eggs on their own (scrambled, over-easy, sunny-side-up, fried, boiled, poached, etc.) come as a default, is not for me. If they’re on the same plate as my bacon, home fries, and toast, no problem; but don’t expect me to eat them.
Back to that flight. The choice was scrambled eggs or an omelette–along with a nice fruit cocktail, a couple of sausages, a roll and butter and jam, juice and coffee, and a sweet of some sort. I stupidly told the flight attendant that I was allergic to eggs, so would prefer neither the scrambled nor the omelette on my tray, just everything else. In other words, just bring me the typical tray without the hot egg entree. Well, that sent them into a panic, and despite my protests, they refused to give me anything “because it’s been in the presence of eggs.” Rather reluctantly, they allowed me one cup of coffee, a half-hour after everybody else had eaten and the trays were removed. No juice, no fruit cocktail, no sausage, no home fries. Just a reluctantly-served cup of coffee.
My point? If someone tells you that they cannot eat something, that does not mean that they cannot eat, period. Listen to their concerns and wishes, and act accordingly.
I should add: on subsequent morning flights, I asked for the omelette, and never touched it. But I happily ate everything else.
That’s not even complete. And it does confuse people.
For example, Southlake Methodist hospital in Merrillville, Indiana has me listed as allergic to “citrus”. No, I am not allergic to “citrus”, I am allergic to oranges. I’m just fine with grapefruit, lemons, limes, kumquats, etc. But apparently when I listed “oranges” with my allergies someone took that to mean “citrus” and not that is in my medical record and attempts to change it have been futile.
Or, when I say I’m allergic to lentils, peanuts, and peas someone says “Oh, so you can’t eat legumes”. No, I can eat many legumes and soy and garbanzo beans are a staple of my diet.
No barley allowed but wheat, rice, rye, etc. are all OK.
Really, if I was making this up I think I’d have some logical rationale for all this but I didn’t and I don’t. I’m just glad not all of these are “sudden death”. Oranges give me hives but not breathing troubles. At least not so far, but I’m avoiding them just to be on the safe side. And I think my problems with corn may be more of an intolerance rather than an actual allergy but diarrhea is no fun so I avoid that, too. Peanuts, again, don’t cause breathing problems or even hives, but the all-over body rash that starts up within 24 hours is more than a little worrisome (and then there’s the diarrhea…) Looking back I realize that my Epic Skin Issues which became rather infamous around here ceased after I stopped eating anything with peanuts. Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. I’ve been itching a lot less since going peanut-free, too. Damn, I miss my Reese’s peanut butter cups but for an intact hide I’m glad to give them up.
There probably are one or two items on The List that may be false alarms (kiwi, for example - I’m not 100% sure it’s an allergy problem but why take chances when there are so many other fruits I can eat without worry?) but given two emergency trips to the ER, eczema problems since infancy, asthma, hayfever and so on it’s very clear that I’m highly prone to allergies even if most days I have them under control.
Maybe if I win the lottery I’ll be able to afford to see an allergist again and really get everything evaluated officially. Might be one or two things I can go back to eating safely but given my distaste for trips to the hospital at this point I just don’t want to chance it. My current medical insurance is really designed to discourage going to an allergist, unfortunately, even if they will pay for a hospitalization for a severe reaction. I don’t understand the thinking there, but I’m guessing it was made up by someone with no fucking clue about what allergies are, maybe even someone old school enough to believe they’re 99% mental problems (although the coverage for mental health sucks, too).
What I have also found is that a lot of medical personnel don’t understand allergies, either. I had a doctor once look at The List (yes, I actually do keep a copy of my allergies - it’s a lot quicker to hand over a piece of paper with the information than try to speak it and watch the doc struggle to write it all down, or these days type it) and give me a disdainful, patronizing look and say “You know, multiple adult food allergies are very rare.” to which I said “Well, doc, looks like I won the lottery for that!” Yes, it is statistically rare. But legitimately allergic to multiple foods adults do exist and I happen to be one of them. And I’m not even a worst-case.
The problem is that there ARE people so sensitive to an item that yes, “being in the presence of it” can cause horrible problems. My niece, for example - horrible, horrible allergy to fish. Hospitalized at one point because of fish cooking in the same house she was in. When she visits her parents their house temporarily becomes a No Fish Zone (and when she goes back home it’s a fish dinner for everyone else). I think my sister and her husband went over two decades without having any fish whatsoever in their home while she was growing up. Her allergies make mine look non-existent (although when the two of us have gone out to eat at the same restaurant it can get crazy - one time we both wound up in the kitchen reading ingredient labels for all the foods. To top it off, we’re not only allergic to multiple foods each, but our Lists are completely different - we have not one food allergy in common).
So, for my niece, if eggs were a problem (and honestly, I can’t remember her complete List, but hypothetically…) then she would have to go hungry in the situation you describe. And both of us have gone hungry rather than take a chance.
So, between people like my niece, and lawsuits, and the extreme difficulty in getting emergency care at 30,000 feet… yes, airline personnel have been instructed to act as they did. I know it’s inconvenient as hell, but it’s generally at least a half an hour before an airliner can safely land if you’re mid-flight, much less start the ambulance ride to the hospital, and epi-pens only last about 15 minutes after giving you the dose… Personally, I do not want to have a major medical emergency at 30,000 feet.
Because of the “Omigod, can’t give you anything because ALLERGIES” I will sometimes say “I’m on a very restricted diet” or “I have severe problems with X” and don’t want to take the chance of becoming ill mid-flight - could have have this instead of that? (Flight crews are very, very happy to help you avoid becoming ill mid-flight) Or… I’ll take this, but I’ll have to leave X untouched. Won’t work for every situation (clearly, anything drenched in tomato sauce is out for me) but it’s usually good enough to get a least a roll or a side of vegetables or some toast or something.
Traveling with food allergies is a bitch. Which is why I’m so glad I did my trip to Europe when I was much younger and The List was shorter (my body seems to want to add another item about every 5-6 years. Stupid immune system!). My Super Allergic Niece recently took a trip to Europe and I’ll admit both her mother and I worried, but like me she’s dealt with this all her life and she is an adult. Apparently these days there’s services that will make cards for you explaining your dietary restriction in any language you want and she packed a “deck” of them in her suitcase, made a lot of use of Google translate, and in general was cautious and careful. She had a wonderful trip even if she had to pass on some of the food.
The difference between my niece and I and the trendy fakers? We don’t cheat, or say “oh, just a little bit won’t hurt” or any other of that stuff. We will go hungry rather than cheat.
What do I mean by go hungry?
In 2005 I suffered a nasty bought of norovirus. I wound up in the hospital and was permitted nothing by mouth for a week, not even water (thank goodness for IV’s, otherwise I would have died of dehydration). So, needless to say, I was hungry. Actually entering into real starvation. So… when I got to start eating again they put a plate of stuff in front of me: coffee (which I usually detest but at that point it tastes heavenly) lime jello, and a cup of beef broth. Now, I view beef broth with deep, dark suspicion because so very often it has tomato in it of some form. And hospital food trays don’t come with ingredient labels. So, despite the fact I was starving in a real sense and not hyperbole, and I was so fucking hungry that even something I normally hated tasted good (coffee) I refused to so much as taste the beef broth until the nurse could double check with the kitchen to make absolutely positively 100% certain there was no form of tomato in that beef broth. It took 40 minutes. 40 minutes during which I was nearly crying because I was so fucking hungry and it smelled so fucking good and it was right in front of me… but I will NOT touch beef broth unless I am absolutely, positively, without a doubt certain that it is safe. No matter how hungry I am..
And that level of rule-following and willpower is why I have NOT had an ambulance ride since Halloween Night 1995 in Rockford, Illinois.
It’s also why I have Evil Thoughts about punching fakers, trend-followers, and Special Snowflakes right in the teeth - not that I would act on those thoughts, but the cheaters make life so much fucking harder for those of us with a real problem. I can’t cheat. Not ever. Not the tiniest bit. If I do my body will punish me hard.
My non-allergies include mussles (no, not shellfish; just mussels), cod (no, not white fish, or fish, or seafood; just cod) and soy (at least with that one most people don’t know it’s a legume so it’s only a pain when people try to feed me soy milk… no damnit, give me animal milk!). The allergy The Niece appears to have outgrown was to a specific flat fish: no, not to shellfish; yes, she can eat shrimp just fine. What part of a shrimp looks to you like a flat fish?
Food sharing is such a huge part of our cultures that any food issues get made bigger by people’s reactions to them, which is both a damn pity and a damn PITA.*
Excuse me, the train to Hell leaves from what platform?
Jeez here I am an adult with multiple food allergies. I had no idea how rare a person I am. Or is that special? Anyhow, none of mine lead to death unless they can’t stop the hives from spreading. (I understand it’s possible to get hives in your windpipe and suffocate but so far I have missed that party You have 100% of my sympathy, Broomstick. And BigT, you are so right.
I cheated the other day. Y’see, my sensitivity to Red 40 just means i get itchy and sneezy, sso when they gave me dark cherry Jello I ate it and relished it and ignored the itchiness in my throat.
Sulfites are another story, and I thank the FDA finally requiring it on the label. No wine at all, balsamic vinegar is iffy, and I read EVERY label.
I’m allergic to cantaloupe. Makes the edges of my tongue, and the back back of my mouth quite sore. It’s kind of a variable thing. Grocery store cantaloupe doesn’t usually have any effect. It also lacks any flavor, of course, so it’s a trade off.
Very good cantaloupe, ripened on the vine, and served immediately after being picked, however makes me react really strongly. The very best cantaloupe hurts so bad that it almost isn’t worth it. But I really like the very best cantaloupe, home grown, fertilized with composted stable dirt mulched with year old barn straw. Served still slightly warm from the sun.
Turns out that’s the only type I eat. Haven’t been able to find it in a while, since I moved away from my favorite farmer. The local farmers market is fairly uneven on cantaloupe quality. Find one worth trying about a third of the time. (you can tell by the smell of the stem place)
Tris
Some things are worth suffering for, but the suffering is not what makes it worth it.
And kids in school with allergies scare the heck out of me, one day I saw little Henry age 7 who supposedly had a serious allergy to dairy and eggs, (that his Mom said caused behavior problems and tummy upset) happily munching down an egg and cheese sandwich washed down with chocolate milk. He told me it no big deal, it doesn’t give him a serious sickness just makes him joyful. and he added, my Dad lets my have it when I’m good. Dubious I let my boss know who freaked the fuck out and said he could’ve died! but dang it was out of my control - no warning he was coming to the self serve breakfast. I mean the diabetic kids and other kids same age with diet restrictions know to stay in their lane, and are very very aware of their condition. So what’s up with Henry? Apparently behavior issues the parents attribute to dairy, and a Dr signed off so we make a special lunch for Henry. But what about breakfast, no guidance! Anyway he didn’t die after eating eggs, cheese and milk, he didn’t even go home that day, he might’ve ended up in the office. I felt for him, it seemed he was getting mixed messages about food and behavior IMO> Eventually he was taken out of school to be homeschooled.
Addressing the points of this post in somewhat random order …
Point the last, my being a minority view being expressed should cause me to “fine a clue” … not sure what the fine should be and how the clue should pay it, but in any case. Nah. Groupthink has little sway over me. Rational discussion does.
From the op
Oddly from that I conclude that the neighbor’s intent is to express gratitude. (And from the rest of the post that refusal to allow her to express thanks insulted her.)
Describing trying to insist on a gift (a very unwanted one) being accepted as “attempted murder”, “assault”, “harassment”, or “trespass”, is not supported by the facts as presented in the op. It is far over the top. There has been an unwanted knocking on the door at a time when the neighbor must surely know our op is asleep, and a stupid person not listening to someone who meant it when she said that she could not and would not accept an intended gift, and even more stupidly getting insulted and upset when it was made clear that “please do not give that; I won’t take it” was not just being polite but very seriously meant.
The harm by taking the plate of food (which per the initial op may or may not have contained any allergens but which definitely should be declined when serious allergies exist) and tossing it so far has been described by one as the horror of being complicit in wasting a plate of food, the possibility of smelling food that offends in the garbage can, and the proposed prospect that the neighbor would see her going out with a bag of garbage and be able to X-ray vision that the bag contains the gift and then would attack her. I am a minority view in seeing that imagined scenario as over the top and as seeing those “harms” as trivial. Okay, I can live with that.
Your understanding of the physiology and “educating” me on such matters is cute. But very wrong.
Being acutely angry does overlap with the “fight or flight” response and a quick (and brief) surge of epinephrine. That is a surge that for most people lasts a minute or two, and can only be maintained by feeding new triggers, by actively stoking the emotional state. A normal person gets angry at the jerk who cut them off in traffic … for minute or so … and then it passes. Staying angry about it, stewing over it for many minutes or hours, thinking about it and getting angry days later, is pathological.
Anger sustained is a powerful sword that is costly to an individual to use. It raises stress hormones and as a general rule impedes rational analysis, but it also can motivate action that addresses serious root causes that otherwise would not be addressed.
Some people have baseline angry moods which lead them to experience the world as a place that offends them. Chronic anger is a major health risk.
Again, anger as brief flares is normal for us all. Sustained anger used to motivate actions for change can be powerful but using it comes at significant cost. Choosing to experience anger for more than that is an active conscious choice.
Last comment. I take the op’s description of her food reactions as truth. I also make a comment that is applicable broadly, not to her. There are lots of people who believe they are zebras and unless proven otherwise their belief must be respected. The potential cost of incorrect disbelief is very high. Nevertheless the statistical reality is that majority of them are deluded horses. I would never not respect a reported allergy, food or otherwise, but this study still informs.
This is a little off topic- but do you have pollen allergies? My son started to have swelling/ numbness of his lips, tongue and throat from eating all different types of fruit when he was about 14. Turns out it’s a reaction to something in the fruit that’s similar to the pollens he’s allergic to. Funny thing is- it’s only fresh fruits that cause a reaction. Frozen, cooked, canned- no reaction.
The only food allergy I have is to eggplant, and it’s not a serious allergy. My mouth and throat itch. I feel like if I ate a lot of it, my throat might swell, but I’ve never eaten that much.
But I have a lot of food aversions. In particular, I won’t eat anything in the capsicum family, except really fresh raw green pepper. Red pepper, cooked green pepper, hot pepper… Nope. And if you are eating a stuffed pepper, I’d prefer you not sit near me.
I carefully tell the waiter than I’m NOT allergic, though, because I don’t want them to take allergy precautions for me. Worst case scenario, I take a bite of food, say “ICK”, and stop eating it.
I usually tell people who are having trouble thanking me that if they really, really feel they must do something a donation to a charity or a food kitchen in my name would be much appreciated.
Although at this point just not waking me up when I’m trying to sleep would be thanks enough.
I just wish to clarify that I, the OP, was not the one who started the comparisons to “attempted murder”, etc.
What about when the provocation happens not once or twice but every day for several weeks, and on a few days multiple times in a day? Despite repeated requests to please stop the offending behavior? Aren’t those “new triggers” that “actively stoke” the emotional state?
How our food is cultivated, sourced, and prepared have changed dramatically since 2002. It would be interesting to see this study done now, seventeen years later.
Broomstick yes continued repetitious offenses after multiple requests cannot be excused by simple ignorance or stupidity. Such requires clear limit setting.
Did you suggest that donation alternative to her when she told you she was going to make you food? That was not mentioned in the op.
I don’t either. My kids for some reason thought that was so funny. They had the notion, at the ages of 5 and 3, that I love all foods (given that I will excitedly ingest almost any food I see, I can understand that). But their logic leapt to If there’s a food Dad doesn’t like he must really HATE it and “Y’know what, I bet Dad’s AFRAID of beets!” “Yeah!” “Let’s scare him with a can of beets.” “Let’s put it under his pillow!” “He’ll be too scared to go to sleep!” “He’ll wake us up with his screams!”
Many, many nights my pillow went *clang!*as my head hit it. I controlled myself so’s not to wake anyone, but the next morning, I’d come downstairs with the can in a long pair of tongs or wrapped in a blanket, looking very afraid that it might get out before they could put it far, far away…
What the hell? This neighbor tries to give you unwanted food multiple times a day, for weeks? What’s wrong with her?
I don’t mean that rhetorically. She has some problem. Is she incredibly lonely? Does she have no memory? Is her only sense of self worth from feeding people?