"If There's One Thing I'm Not, It's..."

Stupid. I may not be a genius, but I’m actually fairly smart- always have been. So whenever someone wants to take a jab at me, I like it when they pick “You’re stupid.” It’s like saying I’m a 500 pound gorilla… um, no, I’m not. For them to choose that as their insult just tells me they must not have been able to think of an insult at all, and just grabbed something universal to say.

Nobody’s picked on me lately (I’ll let you guys know if they do) but I was just bored and wondering… what are you soooo not?

Spiteful. I may get snide in an argument, but I don’t hold grudges and I don’t look to do the other person down.

Authoritarian. Except in the sense that I demand pretty much total control over my own life.

Bashful. Noo… I’m quite the opposite of that.

A neat freak.

“…suave, cool, and sophisticated.”

I just don’t have that level of social skills. If by some odd chance I found myself in the middle of a James Bond-style romantic interlude, I’d probably ruin it by geeking out and saying something about the colour calibration on the HDTV in the corner of the bar, or the trade history of the lady’s pearls, or what frequency band her watch was using, or something.

A theat. (to people’s relationships) Other women assume so, but I’m the one who is usually single and even when I’d like to I don’t go after their boyfriends. Getting the boy to break up with a girl for me wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be, so I haven’t tried it since that once when I was 17.

Straight. I’m like 5.9999999… (=6) on the Kinsey Scale.

Loquacious.

Uncultured. I know more about whine, classical music, and politics than many of the people I know. So while I may be a barbarian I am not an uncultured one.

dead yet.

Oh, so you have young children, then? I’m also well-versed in whine.

Racist. In any regard. It’s been stated often here that “everyone is a little racist in their own way.”

No. No, I’m not. Not in the least. I couldn’t care where you’re from or what colour your skin is, and besides why in the hell should that matter at all! How are you doing as a human being? That’s obviously much more relevant.

You beat me. I can’t tell if this is some sort of pun, or if cultured = bad spellah’.

One thing I’m not, currently, is sexually satisfied. :frowning:

Also, a good speller and not-awake-but-tired-at-two-AM.

…fake.

I am honest to a fault about what I’m feeling, thinking, and believing at about any given moment. I do not play games, and I do not manipulate people, and I do not hold grudges and I do not hate, because that is weak. If I am unhappy with people, they know it. If I feel I have wronged them in some way, they know it.

If I am deceiving myself in any way, I’m not aware of it, for I frequently spend several minutes a day searching for any indication that I might be in denial (about anything.) I play devil’s advocate with myself all the time (which drives my husband nuts.) Then whatever comes out of those self-meditations, I project that image to the world. Who I am, socially, is solidly and completely who I am, internally.

People may justly call me lazy, melodramatic, bad at managing money, or even irrational – but one thing I’m not is inauthentic.

I’m glad you can just roll your eyes when you’re insulted, Alice, because when people call me fake, it pisses me off to no end. Being upfront all the time isn’t always easy (I’m looking at you, Time I Let a Friend Cheat and Turned Us Both In), and I damn well better get recognition for it. :wink:

ETA: For the sake of confusion, I pretty much view ‘‘genuine’’ and ‘‘honest’’ as the same thing.

…free from anything listed in the DSM-IV.

Diagnosed with and treated for ADHD, and will get into massive arguments with anyone who claims it’s fake. (Why would I, someone who adores school and needs good grades to keep the scholarships coming to continue affording college, fake having a disorder that makes it incredibly difficult to finish even the homework I really want to accomplish, let alone the busy work that isn’t actually necessary?)

I’m also worried that I’ve got OCD- I eat things like small candies and chips in threes, but evenly, which isn’t as hard as you might think to do. (You eat one on side of the mouth, the bite the next in half and eat the first half on the opposite side, the second half on the first side. Then you eat the last candy on the opposite side.) But if I’m relaxed or distracted enough I can keep from having to indulge the three rule. I also do my best to close books on pages that are multiples of three. If I see a long number in some contexts I will see if it’s divisible by three, but usually only with “personal” numbers- phone numbers, ID numbers, that sort of thing. If it’s a statistic in a large chart I probably won’t. The obsession with threes is only about 9 years old, but I’ve been trying to do things evenly (stepping on cracks, picking my nose when I was very young, chewing gum, that sort of thing) for as long as I can remember.

a boy!

Hey there big boy. My kitchen’s big enough for two. Aaah I grossed myself out.

If there’s one thing I’m not going to do, it’s go in Auto’s kitchen.