… what would you ask?
I’d ask my cat why he doesn’t like to sit on my lap.
That bothers me.
Precisely what is so great about running after a thrown ball? Do you actually like it or is it all a big misunderstanding and you think that if you don’t fetch the ball, the world will come to an end? It seems that way sometimes, you see.
We’re hamster sitting at the moment, and the furry little bugger escaped last night - fortunately, I was able to track him down because of the scrabbling noises that he was making as he tried to climb up the heating grille at the back of our fridge…
My question: What were you trying to get to? Or was it just there…
Grim
My ringneck parrot got ahold of some toilet paper (not used, fortunately), chewed a hole in it, and stuck her head through the hole so that she was wearing the TP. I asked her “Is that your prom dress?”
To my turtle: (I know it’s a sad little pet but I wanna play too):
I know I fed you this morning. I feed you every morning. Why must you always greet me at night bumping furiously against the glass looking for food? You’re getting fat.
Hello pumpkin!!! Is there anything I can do to make your life more fulfilling?
Turtles get fat? Huh.
My question:
Nathan Jr., other hamsters I’ve had in the past have loved their wheel with absolute abandon, yet you do not. Other hamsters in the past have nibbled and chewed through all the chew toys I’ve put in the cage, yet you do not. Other hamsters have loved the plastic ball, and zoomed around the apartment, yet you do not. What gives? You’re an otherwise happy little rodent.
Not fat, perse. He’s definitely eating too much, though. Or demanding too much.
My question to my cat would be prefaced with a statement. I would tell him that if he ever does that cry at the door to go out, immediately cry to come back in, then want out, then in, then out, then in, etc., then I’m going to shave all his fur off. Then I’ll ask him if he understood that.
Excellent. This made me laugh out loud.
Do I get one question for each pet? I’m going to pretend I do.
Sirius: Why do you like my coat so much? There are other things in the house made of the same material, yet you knead and purr and knead and purr, though you have no claws.
Khan: You’re still mad at me for that whole neutering thing, aren’t you?
You actually think he’d answer that question? He’s a cat! He’d just have his people get back to you (which they never do).
What is the deal with knocking things down off of tables and dressers and shelves? If you knocked things down so that you could bat them around and play with them, that would be understandable, and I’d even be happy that you were getting some exercise. But, no, you just knock stuff down and sit there looking all smug about it. Why, cat, WHY?
Loki, why do you eat socks and used condoms? I have to hang my socks in a bag in the closet so you won’t eat them. And it sure is annoying to have to throw away every, um, evidence of affection in the kitchen garbage.
Petra, why do you feel the need to thoroughly bathe yourself 8,000 times a day? You’re the most fastidiously clean cat I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying a lot. Because you are a cat.
Jeez, I don’t even have a cat and I know this one. Because that’s his place. How dare you stack stuff in the places he might conceivably sit one day.
mlerose: Eeew.
Maybe because she lives amongst dirty socks and used condoms?
I have two questions for my bad, wicked Siamese…otherwise known as She of the Penetrating Voice:
-
What do you want? WHAT WHAT WHAT??? Why are you running around the house after me, yowling at the top of your lungs? You have food, water, clean litter and I’ve already petted you as much as time will allow. WHY ARE YOU STILL YOWLING AT ME???
-
Why is it that as soon as I lay an item of clothing on the bed, you immediately have to move to lay ON the piece of clothing. You were perfectly comfortable where you were, sitting there in your little nest of body heat. I laid my black pants on the bed and turned my back for 2 minutes and now you’re laying on them and I’m going to have to find the lint brush before I leave for work. Wretched beast.
For my dog:
Are you sure you don’t mind eating the same damn thing every single day?
What is the big deal with squirrels?
Do your hips ache? I worry about you now that you’re getting older.
Do you like your new heated doggy bed? Or was it a waste of money?
Why does thunder scare you so much?
Can you please kiss me and then lick your butt, instead of the reverse?
Chance, my wonderful Weimaraner:
Why do you sit right at my knee and stare at me? I try to read or watch TV and I can feel your yellow eyes on me constantly. You willl sometimes even lay your head on my knee while you’re staring. What are thinking while you’re doing this?
My adorable, sweetheart Westie:
WHY ARE YOU BARKING SO MUCH?!?! Please stop, in the name of all the Gods, I beg you! holds head, migraine