LMFAO I was doing that to Jelly last night! Took about 15 reps before he gost pissed off & skedaddled…
To my Border Collie, Britches: Why do you have to eat grass and come inside the house to puke it up? On my almost-white carpet? Why???
To my goat, Sweet Pea: Why do you have to stick your head through the fence and get your horns caught nearly every day? You have acres of pasture and browse inside the fence, you twit. You don’t see the other goats, sheep, llamas or alpacas getting their heads stuck, do you? I thought not. Just Stop It.
Nubia, why can’t you be nice to the other cats? You don’t need to moan at Pixel every time you see him. You’re Senior Kitty, and no one is going to take that spot from you as long as you’re alive.
Roger, how many times do we have to praise you for killing your toys to get you to shut up about it? You don’t need to meow about it for half an hour every time you capture a fur mouse or a sponge ball.
Pixel, what do we need to do to end your fixation with unauthorized climbing? We got you a cat tree with a nice high perch, and you love it. But you still insist on trying to get on top of the fridge, on the mantel, and in the floor beams in the basement. Then you get yelled at and it makes everyone unhappy. Except Nubia, who hates you.
To Gouda and SleeStak (actually every cat I’ve ever owned): You know when you sit there and stare at the wall for hours on end? The same spot on the wall? For hours on end? What do you see? Huh, please tell me, WHAT DO YOU SEE? I have to know WHAT DO YOU SEE ON THE WALL? WHY DO YOU STARE AT IT?
Thanks.
Oh yes, I’ll go fill your food bowl for the ninth time today.
Slee
To Tarot - Why do you insist on clawing at the wall? You have a perfectly good cat tree, which you do in fact use. Why the wall? Why that spot? There are no bugs or shadows to chase…Why?
What do you dream about?
What do you think of music?
To Daniel – WHY oh WHY do you crap, then not cover it up, thus stinking up the whole apartment? Cannot. Breathe.
To Juliet – Why do you insist on racing me to the chair in front of the computer, then plopping down in it five seconds before I get there? I don’t want to squash you, really I don’t.
To my cats:
Speck – Why did you suddenly run out the door after 6 years of living happily indoors? What were you doing for the 43 days before you came home again?
Rocko – I’m sorry that Speck has never been particularly nice to you. We meant well when we got her, and we so hoped that you two would be friends. Is she really that bothersome? Are you unhappy with her here?
To my dog:
What the hell are you barking at? There’s nothing out there.
To my dog Bolo: Are you happy? Are you in pain? I know that you’re an old doggie and sometimes you limp around stiffly, but I’m still glad that you’re with us. Also, why are you such a momma’s boy, and why have you started to sleep in my parents’ bed EVERY night?