If you cry over politics, you're a pansy.

Or a bullshitter.

So, either you’re a melodramatic asshole, or you really need to get a life. Maybe both.

This applies to pansies/melodramatic assholes on political talk shows, in real life, and those posting on message boards.

Okay, I’m a pansy. shrug

raises hand Pansy.

Can I be a tulip instead?

I’m confused. Is the pansy the one who needs to get a life, or is that the bullshitter? And which one is the melodramatic asshole?

Oooh, pansy; that smarts! I’m rubber, you’re something…

I’m not in the third grade anymore.

I couldn’t be mistaken for any sort of flower. Perhaps a weed? I’ve one in mind…

What if your rectum twitches?

Skunk cabbage? d & r

Pansy here.

So no crying in politics, or in baseball. Got it.

What happens next season when Obama throws out the first pitch?

I am not a pansy. I’m a precious snowflake, goddamn it!

Or a daisy. Or a daisycutter. Pick one. Pick all.

Christ, I’d hate to sit through a PETA video with any of you.
My apologies to Q.E.D., I should have clarified. People who cry over politics are both pansies (yuk yuk! it’s a flower! so witty!), and melodramatic assholes who also need lives.

But wasn’t this all much easier than a vitriolic essay?

ETA: I cried once in baseball when somebody purple-nurpled me.

Condescending trolls who say ‘get a life’ will be first against the wall when the revolution comes. See if they aren’t.

On TV, I happily pretend to be a Gerbera daisy. What’s it to you, Mr. Internet Tough Guy?

I’m a pansy, then. I cried in 2004, and I cried last night (obviously for very different reasons). I prefer it to being someone who can’t see that politics affects real peoples’ lives in very real ways.

I’ll bring popcorn!

Wait, does popcorn have faces?

Nope, just a real human being who isn’t afraid of his own emotions.

Don’t confuse violent self-repression with “strength”.

Delicious, caramel-coated, terror-contorted faces. Mm.

Keep in mind that I never mentioned that politics don’t affect the day-to-day life. Just that you’re being completely ridiculous by crying about it.

Would you care to share your personal list of situations in which crying is not completely ridiculous?