This last Saturday was the Third Annual Take Soupo Out on a Canoe Day. (This was Year One, and over here I mention and/or allude to it, but don’t come right out and say and there was no big wrap-up (I had other things on my mind), but that’s what that was.) You should have been there. Really, it was way-fun.
Early morning Saturday comes creeping in on little… let’s see, it’s fog that has “cat feet”, so morning would have… creeping in on little gecko feet. (See, the morning can stick to your walls and so can a gecko. Work with me here.) It’s time to get up! We have Big Doin’s today! But first, little powdered sugar doughnuts for me and Soupo. This is the first step in a Traditional Day. The powdered sugar doughnuts are very important. The set the tone for the whole day. You can’t go wrong with little powdered sugar doughnuts, no sirree Bob! And the little powdered sugar doughnuts were about the last thing to go as planned.
After our good nutritious breakfast (we had milk to dunk the little powdered sugar doughnuts in), ol’ Soup and I hit the open road. And it was open too. Most of the way. Up until the detour, we were doing great! Making good time, not too much traffic (There was a car of Blue Hairs driving around us- first ahead of us, then they slowed down so I passed, then they decided in front of me was the way to go, then they weren’t sure and changed lanes, then it was Slow Time again, followed by a Zippy Moment. Blue Hairs, the bane of my existence.) and the weather was perfect. Not too hot, not too cool, and sunny. Like I said, you should have been there. Then there was the detour.
Usually we just drive up to our exit (not really “our” exit, like we own it, just the exit we use) and hop over one street and the Canoe Place is right there. Right after the bridge. The bridge that was broken. But not to worry, there was a clearly marked detour. Yay! We just had to go up to the next exit, hop over a street and then drive most of the way back to the first exit (the one we couldn’t use because of the broken bridge) and there’s the Canoe Place. (Yay!)
Last year we drove in a caravan and the year before we all went in the same car (since there were fewer of us) and this was a Good System. This year, since we moved, we (me and Soupo, Skippy and his wife and my Little Sister and her husband) just had to meet at the Canoe Place. This was a Good Enough System. So we pulled into the Canoe Place and… had to hunt for a place to park. There was a Church Group with their bus and and Boy Scout Troop with their two big vans with trailers and they thought it would be funny to park all stupid right in front of the Canoe Place and hog up all the parking spaces. But I have a little car and found a place to park. Then the rest of our party showed up and they parked too. Now we’re all set, we’re all there and we have to go get our canoes.
This is when we found out the river we were supposed to go on was closed for repairs. Ha ha! They don’t close rivers for repairs. They can close a bridge for repairs, but rivers? No. They had the river closed to canoe outings because it’s was what the experts call A Raging Torrent. We found out about the Raging Torrent-ness of the river at the Canoe Place desk because we didn’t call ahead. We could have called ahead and they would have told us, but it wouldn’t have made any difference, we would have gone anyway. “But the river was a Raging Torrent! You couldn’t canoe on that!” you say. To which I say “Shut up! I’m talkin’ here!” Only I don’t because you were showing concern, so I’ll just say “Be calm, I shall explain presently” which is the same thing, only nicer. They wouldn’t let us use their canoes on the Main River (The Little Miami River if you care. It’s a National Scenic River too.) We could have used our own canoes if we wanted to, but they wouldn’t come and pick us up at the end of the day, so that would have sucked. Assuming the Raging Torrent didn’t kill us. If we were dead at the hands (metaphorically since as you know, rivers don’t have hands) of a Raging Torrent, we wouldn’t need to be picked up at the end of the day. But they would let us use their canoes on the Alternate River (Todd’s Fork).
Usually Todd’s Fork is a dry, dry stream bed. It only fills up when there’s water. (Duh.) Usually there’s only enough water to fill up Todd’s Fork six days a year. This year Todd’s Fork was full twenty days. We got a lot of rain this year. Also the Todd’s Fork trip is ten miles long. We were signed up for a six mile trip. The Usual River also only drops five somethings for every something it travels while Todd’s fork drops fifteen somethings in the same distance. This means something to someone, but they were going to let us go out on it with their stuff (after we signed the Standard Release that says if we die, it’s not their fault) so how bad could it be? We did have to make a concession though. The plan was to let Soupo paddle this year. That was for the six mile trip. For a ten mile trip that was not going to happen. (He has pipe cleaner arms and a toast rack chest. I didn’t want to be stuck with such a wussy paddler in my canoe. And since he’s my kid, I’d be stuck with him.) We did let him paddle some on and off throughout the trip, just not the whole way. So they loaded us up on a bus and took us to the river. And the fun commenced. We’d paddle some and then stop to get something to drink (I tried to drink (Root Beer!) while I was paddling and almost crashed into a big rock, so we stopped to drink) and then paddle some more and stop again to eat a little something (Soupo and I had “FunFuel” for lunch so we were fueled up for FUN! No AngstFuel for us!) and then paddle some more and stop and wade in the river (it was cold) and then paddle some more. We had all day and were in no hurry. Some parts of the river had deep water and we’d just float along. Some parts of the river had not so deep water and the canoe would brush the rocks on the bottom and give the person sitting in the middle of the boat a “butt massage”. Some parts of the river were really low and someone would have to get out and push. Luckily there weren’t too many of these parts or the Fun Quotient would have dropped precipitously.
Now, in case you didn’t know, the person in the back of the canoe is what it technically known as “the driver”. The person in back gets to decide whether to try to turn left or turn right. The person in back is also supposed to look at the river and “read” it. Find the deepest channels for the easy paddling and avoid the rocks. Because the driver has all this responsibility, they get to stop paddling when the want and no one knows any better. Like being in back on a bicycle for two. I was the driver of my canoe for a while. Was I a “natural” driver? I think this direct quote from the day will tell you all you need to know: “Awwwww CRAP!” paddlepaddlepaddle (One in three times this ended with a thunk of the canoe crashing into a rock. Usually it ended in a narrow miss. One memorable time it ended with a thunk of the canoe crashing into a tree jammed up against a bridge holder upper thingy in the river. But no one was massively injured. At all.)
All too soon we came to the end of our adventure. Then we went back to the Canoe Place and had ice cream! Like I said, it was a good day and you should have been there.
Maybe next year.
-Rue.
