If you don't have a large vehicle, you have no penis

I really don’t like the latest Hummer commercials. In one, the details of which I don’t remember right now, they basically said that you’re not a man unless you drive a Hummer. :rolleyes:

In another, a child cuts in front of another child at the playground. The mother says, ‘Excuse me, my child was first.’ The other mother says, ‘Well now he isn’t.’ So the first mother goes out and buys a Hummer. ‘Oh, yeah. That’ll show her! I’ve got balls now!’

I buy cars because they’re fun, funky, efficient, useful, or any number of reasons. I don’t buy them for image. The new Hummer commercials are offensive to me.

Apropos of nothing, I call Hummers ‘lobsters’.

I own a Toyota Yaris T-Spirit.

I’ve just checked my genitalia with positive results.

What I said.

I have a friend who drives a H2 Hummer (in yellow, yet :rolleyes: ), and as near as I can tell she has no penis.

I don’t drive a Hummer, but I do have a Chevy Trailblazer. I need the room for kids and various sports equipment, and I need a 4WD in the winter.
Hummers are just stupid and wasteful.

I checked my pants and I don’t have a penis.
I do, however, own this t-shirt. It gets a lot of laughs, but I can’t wear it on medical calls.

I have a large saxophone, and a vehicle to fit. Penis courtesy of Og, no extra charge.

I used to drive a Land Rover Discovery that had a 3" body lift, roof rack, oversize off-road tires, and enough accessory lighting to illuminate a small baseball stadium. Now I drive a Subaru Forester.

I can safely report that the size of my unit has not decreased in any way noticeable to myself or my wife.

I drive a Hummer Motherfucker™, with a roof-based silo to hold most of my penis. Cite.

My company commander at my last duty station had a brother that was visiting. His brother said to him jokingly “You should buy a hummer so you can drive one at work and at home.”

The commander chuckled and said People that actually go out and buy hummers are wanna be’s and assholes. I’ll never buy one."

I agree with the commander (even if he is an officer :slight_smile: ). I have a jeep wrangler myself, but I’d never buy a hummer even if i could afford it. Anyone seen driving one is pretty much a jack ass in my book.

I don’t think thats the kind of hummer they meant jjimm. Theres a difference between a military vehicle used for military purposes and an overprice fuel hog that dickless wannabe’s drive on the highway.

You don’t say!

Yeah, the other comerical has a guy buying healthy vegetables and some tofu and he gets all intimidated when the guy behind him loads up the conveyer belt with nothing but meat. :rolleyes: Dude, you’re gonna live longer, healthier, you’re cuter, and you most likely smell better than the meat and potatoes guy. You should be feeling superior about your grocery store choices.

For the life of me, I can’t really figure out what demographic they’re marketing to. Most guys who care enough about their health to eat tofu aren’t gonna be stupid enough to by a Hummer, especially for such a flimsy reason.

They’re marketing to the people who scorn wusses who eat tofu.

I may not be thrilled about paying almost $3.00 a gallon for gas, but I can’t help but smirk as I watch pissed-off Hummer owners shelling out their kids’ college money for the incredible luxury of commuting to and from work in an 8,000 lb prosthetic penis.

I noticed a guy filling his Hummer up at a gas station yesterday. The pained espression on his face was priceless!

No, they’re marketing to the people who want to pay $50,000 for a balky SUV that gets about 8 mpg when gas is $3.00 a gallon and rising.

I’m not sure who those people are, but there must be a lot of them…

I think I love you. :slight_smile:


You call that living?

  • cmkeller, carnivore and enjoying every minute of it. (though I don’t own a Hummer, and have no intention of doing so)

Does someone actually sit in the vehicle when that thing fires? Seems like the rocket plume would melt the driver.

I don’t drive a Hummer, and I don’t have a penis. It must be true! :eek:

Oh, wait, I’m not supposed to have one, and Mr. Neville wouldn’t like it much if I did.

I’m going to steal this description…