If you don't like it, throw the toy away!

The BBQ Pit
121

OK, I am hereby officially done with IDBB. She knows what her problems are, but she’d rather wallow in them than doing anything about them. Her life will suck forever, but she likes it that way, so in a weird way it won’t really suck for her. Having a supportive husband and a good job would actually be a fate worse than death for IDBB because then she wouldn’t have anything to complain about and feel sorry for herself about all the time.

I think that most people do get what they really want out of life (even if they don’t know what they really want until they get it); what IDBB really wants out of life is to be a complete unhappy loser.

(A thread note: It is interesting how people were getting onto me for getting onto her in the beginning of this thread, but now we’ve got ourselves a full-fledged OP pile-on.)

122

Ok, I can’t stay out of the thread anymore. Allow me to :rolleyes:

Look, if you have a learning disability, any respectable learning institution will work with you. If you are tested and have proof of a disability, they may waive your math class or offer an alternative. Get a tutor, for Christ’s sake! Most colleges have free tutors, and they really help. Take a math course that’s not Algebra. I suck at math, I got my credit in Math in Society. It wasn’t your traditional math class, but rather showed me how math is really applied to daily life. That was enough of a difference for me.

As for being broke–ha fucking ha. My tuition is $21,000/yr. We make $18,000. We barely scrape by. But I got scholarships, grants, and loans. Guess what? It’s a little known fact that colleges want students and will pay you if you are a good student. There are about a billion scholarships out there, through the schools and indepenent institutions. Student loans have low interest rates, if you are poor enough, you can get subsidized loans that don’t have any interest rates.

You’re lazy. It’s cool, I’m the laziest person I know. But that doesn’t mean you have any fucking crosses to bear. It means you like being a fucking victim. Stand up to your husband, go to school, make something of yourself.

Finally, you do realize that just having a degree makes a difference, right? A lot of people I know work in fields other than then waht they got their degrees in. Just having more schooling in and of itself is enough to advance you in life, regardless of what the education was in.

123

Funny thing is, most of IDBB’s threads end up this way. Normally, she’d be long gone by now, the minute she ran out of excuses for not doing what she knows deep down, she has to do in order to change her life.

And taxguy,

What? No hug? I’m hurt. :frowning:

124

at least until the next time, lezlers.
Give it a week. Trust me.

However, upon thinking about it, I have to retract my advice about going to college. Seriously. She’s right: it would be a waste.

Even if she had a Ph.d in Quantum Physics, no one will want to hire her with her additude. NO ONE.

Except Sonic.

125

Ohh…a used car salesman. That explains it…

126

I love the victim mentality.
I’m scared.
No wait, my husband won’t let me go to school.
No that’s not right-I have a learning disorder.
Cross that out-I’m just naive.
King’s X on the above-we can’t afford.

WahfuckingWah.

127

((({{{[[[lezlers]]]}}})))

(I apologize for the delay. You know, you’re my very first internet hug! I’ll never forget you! I hope my wife doesn’t find out, though :D)

Balle_M: Bah and feh (and maybe a little Meh, too).

128

hee hee. You’re my “first” too.

And to think, we started out fighting…

Nothin’ like a common cause to bring people together…

:smiley:

129

And I thought I was a professional victim. :wink:

Look, IDDB, I’m a bit like you-I too tend to be afraid and sometimes lazy. However, right now, I’m making an effort to get beyond that. Unlike you, I LOVED college, and I want to go back as soon as I can, and I intend to. However, I’m trying to get a job (I just want to hear from the Carnegie in the next few weeks!), and I’m shy-I don’t know anyone, and I’m hoping to be able to take a dance class or something to meet new people.

BUT…at the same time, I am trying to get beyond making excuses. I do it all the time. But I’m biting my tongue, posting my woes in my LJ rather than here, and realizing that, this is temporary. I’m working to get beyond this. And I know I will.

If hubby won’t “let” you take one stupid little class, don’t listen to him. Put your foot down. Tell him how important it is, tell him you’re willing to LEARN with his help about you finances, and follow through.

I know what it’s like to have something holding you back-in my case, it’s an anxiety disorder. I STILL feel guilty about quitting my job at Kmart, even though it was destroying my health and well-being, because there’s just some little part of me that says, “Well, you COULD have stuck it out.” Or something.

I too am bad at math. The last math class I took I flunked, even with a tutor, because the professor sucked so bad-I kept ASKING her what I needed for passing, and she kept blowing me off-and she was ALSO tutoring me! I probably could have taken it again and passed by the skin of my teeth, but at that point I decided to change my major because I really didn’t enjoy the elementary ed program, and was leaning towards history-which I loved and ended up doing GREAT in.

Right now, you have to decide what you want to do. If you keep failling, well, you keep failling. But don’t stop TRYING. Even if you fail, at least you TRIED.

130

See…I know this is totally lame,but I’d rather be in the dark about finances. I’d rather let the one who knows what the hell he is doing keep us from going to the poorhouse. Hell…when I got out of HS and got my first checking account, I couldn’t even keep it balanced by myself. I had to have him help me.

When I took th at basic Intro to Math course in college (or whatever it was), I was getting tutored and practicing and STILL failing miserably.

Fine. You wanna see it that way? I don’t care. I see the world as it is and that’s how it is for me right now. When I talked to him this morning he got upset at me for even mentioning school. I admit to being completely nieve as to how the world works, esp when it comes to being politically correct and economics. I hear the economy is bad but I don’t know what even means.
I DO have a learning disorder that makes it damn near impossible for me to do even addition and subtraction without a calculator. I learned to carry a calculator with me at all times because of it. And right now we cannot afford for me to go to school. I"m not willing to take out loans I know won’t be able to pay back and I probably ain’t eligible for any grants/scholarships.

See,Guin–that’s just it. I am tired of failing at everything I do. Failing at school (again) would just be another on a long list of things I have failed at. I am tired of trying things and failing. It’s depressing. I am reasonably sure that even if I did get into an art class, I’d fail at that too because I suck at drawing.

IDBB

131

Well, then I can’t help you. Only you can change it, and you won’t.

132

I have a feeling your wonderful husband has something to do with your non-existant self esteem. How the fuck can he get angry for you for mentioning school? I’m sorry, but no truly loving and supportive husband would do that. That’s the honest to goddess truth.

But since you’re hell-bent on maintaining this helpless act, I assume you still look at him as your big, strong, savior. :rolleyes:

Just consider this. What happens if your marriage ends? Don’t give me that “but it won’t, we’re in lurrrrrve” b.s. Because it might. Where would you be then? No credit, can’t even balance a check book (which is basic addition and subtraction with a calculator, I may add) no education and a defeatist attitude from hell. The world will eat you alive in about 10 minutes flat.

I can’t stress this enough. Never, EVER, let anyone have that much control over you. I don’t care if he’s your fucking husband. If you don’t create and maintain some sort of individual life, independant of him (that can be education, a seperate bank account, friends, anything really) you’re going to be in a world of hurt if anything were to happen to the marriage.

And for the record, that whole helpless, dependant, “i’m so dumb I need a big strong man to support me!” act is really lame. Not to mention the fact that it doesn’t really hold men’s interest for very long. Sooner or later he’s going to go out looking for a woman that actually has a life that she values. Who actually has a personality independant of him.

And where will that leave you?

133

lezlers–it’s not gonna end. I’ll do whatever I have to, bend over fucking backwards if I have to to keep it together. And if it did end…well…my 400 lbs grandma and my mother and my aunt would probably hunt his scrawny ass down and kill him by alternately sitting on him and feeding him overly fattening fried Southern foods until he dies from a heart attack or agrees to go back to me,whichever comes first.:smiley:

God I hope this isn’t true. We’ve been together for nearly a decade now and it shows no sign of slowing down. Yet.

While it may be lame…it’s working. Why fix it if it ain’t broke?

I do, in fact. I assume that without him I"d probably still be living at home with no car, no job and no way out anyway. I’ll admit it…I probably also have a Daddy complex too, since my own father was non-existant and my stepfather was a complete ass.shrugs We all have our oddities, our little quirks, our psychological dependancies. Mine happens to be on big, strong men.

IDBB

134

Didn’t I tell you not to give me that b.s? If I had a dime for everytime I heard that line, I wouldn’t have to work.

Joke all you want, doesn’t mean it’s not gonna happen. More power to you if it doesn’t, all I’m saying is you’ve got to be prepared for anything.

A decade ago you were 14. People change. They mature, and when they do, they want different things out of a relationship.

Obviously it is broke, or else you wouldn’t be constantly whining on this board about how much your life sucks.

I’m not telling you to leave your husband. I’m telling you to take control of your life and quit being 100% dependant on him. Jesus, I thought people stopped “needing permission” from their husbands to do things in the fifties. :rolleyes:

135

Despite what you may think IDBB, I don’t have personal animosity towards you.
I just have minimal empathy for the victim mentality.
You have 1001 excuses for not getting off your ass and changing your situation.
Tons of posters have chimed in and given you both support and suggestions but you prefer to wallow in your misery.
It’s as if you take pride in being pathetic.
Bad News Baboon nailed your attitude at the beginning of this thread.
Next time you come looking for sympathy, remember that it’s between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.

And ** lezlers **, while I truly admire your persistence,

ultimately you’re just giving her another excuse

136

Wow. That’s scary. You’d do anything to stay in a relationship with someone who (unless you’re lying about his attitude) is clearly not very good for you, just so you don’t have to think about balancing a check book? And he’s not even filthy rich?

And if he were to die tomorrow? What would you do? Go on welfare? Collect his social security check? Big life insurance payout? What in the flying fuck would you do if he dies before you?

Your mom and grandma would probably force him to take you back just so they wouldn’t have to support your sorry ass forever.

I don’t buy all this naive, helpless shit. I think if your husband is against your going back to school it is probably because he doesn’t want to waste money on something you’ll quit or incur more debt for something that won’t pay off. Shit, no wonder he’s against kids - he already has one to support. A whiny brat, to boot.

Every bit of advice that people have given you about how to improve your employability and thus improve your financial situation has been sound. The only reason it won’t work is because you don’t want it to.

My advice? Shut the fuck up.

137

You’re right jlzania, I thought about that after I posted it. Just adding more ammo to her arsenal of excuses and self pity. Guess I’m just a big sucker. :frowning:

138

Ugh. I don’t know what got into me. I’m not normally that harsh with anyone.

IDBB, while I don’t retract the substance of my post, I do apologize for being so unnecessarily mean.

More tactfully - it is a distinct possibility that everyone who is willing (thus far) to take care of you will either die before you, become disabled or through some other means become unable to do anything for you financially.

You must realize this and prepare for it before you find yourself in that situation.

Imagine your husband gets hurt and is unable to work - disability payments won’t cover housing, food, medical bills, medicine and transportation. If you can’t support the two of you - what will happen? Will you let him do without medicine or anything because you were unwilling to do anything for yourself?

Why do you even consider having kids if you won’t even make the effort to take care of yourself?

Sit down and think.

139

Nothing wrong with being a nice guy ** lezlers**.
I just hate to see you expend the energy.

140

Well, I just broke up with my b/f so now I have even more Florence Nightengale energy to burn. :wink:

I’m a nice girl. Tee hee.