If you don't like it, throw the toy away!

The BBQ Pit
141

Do you not even see something remotely wrong with this scenario, IDBB? You want to be kept in the dark about your own finances? Do you not see how co-dependant that is? We’re not even talking about your ability to do the finances here, I’m simply talking about your desire to be kept in the dark. It’s not healthy to be completely ignorant of your own financial status - for yourself or for your future. You need to be aware of how much money you guys take in every month, how much you expend, how much it costs to live. If something happened to your husband tomorrow, God forbid, you would NEED to know how to pay the bills. And you can’t do that if you don’t even know how your own accounts work. Do you understand that? You don’t even have to DO the finances with him, you just need to watch him do them and look over them so that you have a basic idea of your assets and finances. He can continue to do the finances, you just need to be aware of what they are. I suck at keeping my checkbook balanced and sometimes I screw it up - but I know that it’s important that I keep on top of it because these are my finances - I need to know what’s going on with them and I need to stay on top of them.

As far as everything else, I don’t quite get this self-defeatist attitude. I’m 28 years old and going BACK to college after graduating in 1997 because my degree is worthless and I want to become a teacher. It took me that long to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life, and I’ll be 30 when I finish my certification, more than likely, and over $10K in debt from student loans. But it will be worth it because I’ll have something to show for it and I’ll be out there teaching. But you’ve got to believe in yourself to begin with - and you quite obviously don’t believe in yourself - and your husband doesn’t seem to be doing a damn thing to help you in that area. I hope you have some sort of epiphany to guide you because you do NOT seem like a stupid person to me. However, you are stupid if you continue to complain and whine, and don’t do anything about it. That’s what it boils down to.

Ava

142

We’ve been though this with IDBB before, but I’ll give it one more try.

Here’s a thought. Hear me out, seriously. Please; I have your best interests at heart.
Quit working at the mall, IDBB and get a job at the local college. Doing what, I don’t know. Working in the cafeteria, maybe, since you have food service experience, or maybe in one of the offices, even something like mopping floors, whatever. Just something.
Did you know that college employees get free tuition?
Yes, that’s right, usually only one class a semester, and you can’t take stuff like pre-med, but you could certainly earn a basic business degree for free.
What do you think?

143

Wow, BiblioCat, I never knew that. That’s freakin’ awesome. I really wish I would’ve known that when I was in college. Ah well.

144

Yeah, work study. If you’re eligible, though. I wasn’t. :frowning:

I am just finding IDBD’s attitude even more and more disturbing. Wonderful husband my ass.

What if he dies suddenly in an accident, as someone mentioned? You’d be SOL?

I admit I’m somewhat dependent on my parents-my mother has a very take charge attitude, and it’s sometimes a fight to let her let me do something. But good god, I try! Jesus.

But if you’re not going to do anything else, please, quit coming here and whining about your life. YOU are the only one who can change it.

145

No, it’s not work study.
If you have a full time job at a college, you can just take a class, maybe one or two a semester. No transcripts, no loan forms, no eligibility requirements.

It’s just a perk of the job, and you might have to work there for a year or two before you can start taking classes. Not all colleges offer it. It might only be state schools.

146

Yeah, it depends on the college, but my wife got her master’s degree while she worked at the university library. Some companies also have tuitition reimbursements - I got 100% of my tuititon paid at my work (including books!). The problem with that is you have to work full time, so you can only take a few courses a semester, unless you kill yourself, figuratively speaking.

And IDBB, add me to the late-bloomers - went from a crappy job to a computer programmer. You suffer for a little bit, but it’s worth it in the end. You can do it if you try - the only thing stopping you is yourself.

147

I’ve been following this thread, and it bothers me. I probably shouldn’t post this, and I’m going to give it a lot of thought before I hit the “Submit Reply” button.

It seems to me that there are a lot of good-hearted people here who are wasting their time.

You were all right in the first place. She doesn’t want help, she wants Mommy to pat her on the head and tell her “everything will be okay, sweetie, it’s not your fault.”

The hard truth is that it is her fault. She’s obviously unhappy with her life, and yet she refuses to do anything about it and makes excuses.

Go back to school?

I can’t afford it and I can’t get grants or loans and nobody who worked full time and went to night school ever succeeded.

Bullshit. I did it. Anybody can. She just wants somebody else to confirm her excuse so she won’t have to try. Sorry, honey, it’s not going to happen.

My husband is a big meany and he won’t let me do anything.

Sorry. This is either just another bullshit excuse or you are in an abusive relationship. Choose. Then defend your position.

I’m trying my best and you people just don’t understand how hard my life is. I even dragged out the “School of Hard Knocks” cliche to try to convince you how HARD evrything is for me.

Bullshit. You aren’t trying at all, and you never have. Ever. And the “School of Hard Knocks” crack is insulting to the people who did pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.

Now I’ll turn around and say that I have a pretty good life after all, and hope that everyone else won’t notice the contradiction and let the thread die, but “woe is me,” anyway.

Shut. The. Hell. Up.

I’m sick of you. You make me so tired I can’t stand it. I worked my ass off to get to where I am and I have years of work ahead of me. I went to night school, I took out loans, I got by on two hours of sleep per night for three years straight.

I now have a master’s degree and a decent job, and I earned both of them.

You, on the other hand, have earned exactly what you have received, which is nothing.

To hell with it, I’m submitting this.

148

Seems to me that if your husband really loved you, he’d support you in doing what you really want to do, even if it would cause financial burdens. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that a good marriage (or a good relationship, for that matter) should be based on mutual love and support. A relationship in which one person controls all aspects of the other’s life (whether it’s finances, job, school, etc.) is NOT healthy in the least bit.

149

Maybe what she needs is some counseling. But of course, there will be another excuse.

I wonder if her user name applies to her husband. If so, that’s scary.

I mean, I can understand if they can’t afford it right away. Like, “Look, work for a year, save up, and then we’ll try it.”

But see, she doesn’t even WANT to know about their finances? What the HELL?

I feel like crying. Out of frustration. It’s so annoying.

150

Counseling has been suggested in other threads.

wanna guess the outcome?

here you go:

IDBB posts a rant about basic unhappiness.
Gets great advice, which is (surprise!) ignored.
The thread gets hijacked.
More good advice is given.
Sympathy given from those unfamilar with IDBB’s style here at the dope.
Basks in sympathy.
A poster points out IDBB past.
She disapears.
Returns with a WOE IS ME. I know I am the problem, etc…
Then usually posts contradictory info: We’re too RICH (!) to get finacial help!
…yet, I MUST work PT or we’ll be broke.
Hangs low for a while.
soon enough, another pit thread about basic unhappiness, or better yet, a post soley to make fun of others (re: fashion “vitcems” thread).

a ton of excuses: we cant afoooooooooooooooord it.
Advice given regarding free counseling.
Ignored.

I wish you could have read her LJ entries. She used to have a sig begging (not kidding) people to go visit. It was tinged with, IMHO only, racism and (surprise!) how the world is out to get her).
I wonder if the dope ever does any mercy banning.

151

I think we lost her.

Ah well, she lasted a hell of a lot longer than any of her other threads…

152

You are on-line.
You obviously like to type/key.
Medical Transcription. Always has ads in the paper, you can work from home, no math, but you will have to know how to use a dictionary until you are familiar with all of the terminology that your particular Dr.s use. Most have flexible hours.

153

Sorry I’m late. Mind if I put my kid up on the counter here?

154

Where is her LJ?

155

I know it, but I’m reluctant to link to someone’s LJ without permission.

156

I’d just give up guys. She’s obviously returned to her old abandoning ways. I checked, and she’s posted to various threads over the past couple days, just not this one.

I don’t know why I keep trying

157

lezlers–I’ve been keeping up with the thread.I just have nothing more to say.

Here.
And here and even here.

My 'blogs. Read em or don’t. The DJ was the first one, the FOD the middle and LJ the last.

IDBB

158

Soooo… I guess we won’t be seeing Bad News Baboon and I_Dig_Bad_Boys together at a DFW dopefest anytime soon then.

Ok.

Enjoy,
Steven
[sub]who hasn’t really followed IDBB’s posting career, but agrees that she needs some changes in her life. To be honest I’m not sure if that change should be to stop trolling for sympathy on the Internet, assuming she is being honest about all the personal facts she has shared(if she’s not then it is an even bigger issue frankly), or to change her attitude and get some counseling and work towards a better life for herself. I would also like to add that change comes from within.[/sub]

159

I keep trying because IDBB dismisses all suggestions, I feel as if she’s dismissing all the hard work I have done to better my life- hell, me and everybody else on the planet. Okay, some people are born with more strikes against them, bigger crosses to bear than are others. But it’s not as if she’s truly the unluckiest woman on the planet. Her self-fulfilling attitude is a smack in the face to anyone who ever had to overcome a learning disability, poverty, or fear.

IDBB, don’t you realize how common all your insecurities are? There’s nobody here who hasn’t battled one or the other.

160

I think that can be a pretty safe assumption.

p.s.

did you decide where we shall meet for the next one, birthday boy?