Treat others as you’d like to be treated. Even if you don’t like them, you can still disguise your contempt.
If you have a friend who’s willing to lose your friendship to tell you something unpleasant…
LISTEN TO HIM!
Check for your keys before shutting the locked door. :smack:
Never trust a beautician with thin eyebrows.
Guys, every woman wants to hear the truth except when it is the actual truth. Don’t go there ever. You will lose.
Best sex ever? Correct answer is mind blowing, better than LSD.
Does my ass look large in these jeans? This should be self evident for any male who is over 16.
Aren’t babies sooo cute? There is no winning answer here either. Just say yes.
If your SO wants you to attend a baby/bridal shower just suck it up and take the pain, it will be over soon.
Don’t start smoking because all your friends are doing it. If you do start smoking and your friends laugh at you for not inhaling, don’t practice inhaling, just tell them you are smoking it like a cigar by twirling the smoke in your mouth. If 20 years later the so called friends don’t smoke but you are terribly addicted …kill them slowly.
Apparently you didn’t see the Sarah Palin/Hillary Clinton send-up on SNL. 
“Yeah, Sarah, when I think back on it, if I could change one thing about the election, I should have wanted it more!”
If she’s smoking hot but a bitch, walk away. 10 years from now, she won’t be as hot.
But she’ll still be a bitch.
(Ladies: feel free to substitute “he” for “she” and “asshole” for “bitch”)
After you break up, do NOT stay friends unless you really truly would be happy *just *being friends. Don’t stay friends in an attempt to keep the door open for a reconciliation. It won’t happen. If it does, it won’t last.
Don’t stick wire frame glasses into a power outlet just to see what will happen. :smack:
Not me, but observed: If you’re going to ignite your farts, do it through clothing, not bare-assed!!